Military Jokes About The Army, And Air Force

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There are three men in the military practicing skydiving. The first man jumps out and a swiss army knife falls out of his pocket. The second man jumps out and a kitchen knife falls out of his pocket. The third jumps out and a grenade falls out of his pocket. When they land, they go and look for the things they drop because they could have really hurt someone.
The first man is running along the street and sees a little boy crying. "Little boy, why are you crying?" he asks. The boy says,
"A swiss army knife fell out of the sky and killed my cat!"
The second man is running along a street and sees a little girl crying. "Little girl, why are you crying?" he asks. The girl says,
"A big kitchen knife fell from the sky and killed my puppy!"
The third man is running down a street and sees a little boy laughing hysterically. "Little boy, why are you laughing?" he asks. The boy says,
"My dad farted and the house blew up!"
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It’s the 2012 Olympics. The final of the Hammer Throw event is shaping up for an exciting finish. It’s all come down to a Russian military officer, an American farmer and an unemployed English Вuм.
The Russian throws first: 85 metres, just short of the world record.
Interviewed after the event he said, “My grandfather was in the military, my father was in the military and I am in the military. This gives me strength and discipline.”
Then the American throws: 88 metres, breaking the world record.
Interviewed after the event he said, “My grandfather was a farmer, my father was a farmer and I am a farmer. This gives me strength and discipline.”
The English Вuм saunters up to the nets, gobs at the TV cameras and slings the hammer 95 metres, breaking the world record and winning gold for Great Britain.
Interviewed after the event he said, “My grandfather was unemployed, my father was unemployed and both said to me, ‘If anyone ever puts a hammer in your hand, throw it as far as you fсuкing can’.”
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The Lone Ranger was ambushed and captured by an enemy Indian war party.
The Indian Chief proclaims, “So, you are the great Lone Ranger. In honour of the Harvest Festival, you will be executed in three days. But, before I кill you, I will grant you three requests. What is your first request?”
The Lone Ranger responds, “I’d like to speak to my horse.”
The Chief nods and Silver is brought before the Lone Ranger, who whispers in Silver’s ear, and the horse gallops away.
Later that evening, Silver returns with a beautiful,nакеd blonde woman on his back.
As the Indian Chief watches, the blonde enters the Lone Ranger’s Tent and spends the night.
The next morning the Indian Chief admits he’s impressed. “You have very fine and loyal horse, but I will still кill you in two days. What is your second request?”
The Lone Ranger again asks to speak to his horse. Silver is brought to him, and he again whispers in the horse’s ear.
As before, Silver takes off across the plains and disappears over the horizon. Later that evening, to the Chief’s surprise, Silver again returns, this time with a nакеd brunette, even more attractive than the blonde.
She enters the Lone Ranger’s tent and spends the night. The following morning the Indian Chief is again impressed. “You are indeed a man of many talents, but I still кill you tomorrow.
“What is your last request?”
The Lone Ranger responds,” I’d like to speak to my horse…. ALONE.”
The Chief is curious, but he agrees, and Silver is brought to the Lone Ranger’s tent.
Once they’re alone, the Lone Ranger grabs Silver by both ears, looks him square in the eye and says:
“Listen very carefully, you fсuкing diскhеаd, for the last time………. . BRING POSSE!!!!”
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