Military Jokes About The Army, And Air Force

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The drill sergeant making his morning announcements to a group of newcomers in a training camp, stated:
"Today, gentlemen, I have some good news and some bad news. First, the good news Private Peters will be setting the pace on our morning run.”
With this the platoon was overjoyed, as Private Peters was overweight and terribly slow. But then the drill sergeant finished his statement:
"Now for the bad news. Private Peters will be driving a truck."

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I'm the only single guy left out of all of my friends. I'm the last man standing. It's like my buddies and I were in a war movie, where we're storming the beach with machine gun nests, only instead of bullets, they're shooting rings.

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The president of Mexico back, in the 80’s, locked in the entire senate one good day.
“No one leaves till we have a solution to our crumbling economy!!”
3 days they discussed plans, but to no avail.
Finally, on day 4, one congressmen stands up and excitedly announces he has a plan!!!
“We’ll declare war on the USA.” he announced
“WHY would we want to do THAT?” asked the shocked president.
“Well,” explained the young man, “then they’ll invade us and we will become THEIR problem. We”ll be added to their welfare, the food stamps, the unemployment…see????”
The room exploded with men and women agreeing with the plan, but the President looked unconvinced…
“What is wrong with the plan?” asked the Vice president
“Well… it is all fine and good… but what happens if we win??

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Why didn’t Harry Potter use the chamber to teach Dumbledores army?
Because at one point poisonous gases where put in it

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Marriage is the only war in which you sleep with the enemy.

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1. Change last name to Crunch.
2. Join the military.
3. Work my way up to Captain.
4. Become Captain Crunch.

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A teacher asked three students what causes war. The first student said,
"Knives." The second one said,
"Guns." The third one drew a dot on the board. The teacher asked,
"What's that?" The student replied, "A period." The teacher asked "How does a period cause war?" The student replied, "If my sister misses one, my mom will кill her."

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A Canadian soldier is walking around in Iraq. He stumbles on a Jini's lamp, rubs it a Jini comes out and says :
"You have one wish, what would that be?" the soldier thinks a little and says " I wish for the war in Iraq to end". the Jini says em i don't think even i can do something about that. Do you have any other wish? The soldier then says "I want the Maple Leaves to win their next game" The Jini looks at the soldier and says "What was that wish about Iraq again?"

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The US Military doesn’t seem to have recruiting problems any more since standards have been relaxed with “Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell.”
When their tour is over, soldiers are re-upping in droves because they don’t want to leave their buddies’ behind.

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A sergeant gives a private a hard time. He says,
"Private, I bet you are just waiting for me to die so you can come and urinate on my grave!"
The private replied, "No sir, when I get out of the army I am not going to stand in more long, long lines!"

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I come from a sтuрid family. During the civil war my great uncle fought for the West.

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There was an inn keeper who urgently needed to expand his parking lot due to his business's growing needs. However, the lot next to his, which he had purchased, was covered with tree saplings and the city had an ordinance against bulldozing trees. The inn keeper was a powerful man on the city council and was friends with all of its members. He brought up an amendment to the council to allow him to bulldoze the saplings so he could pave it for his new lot. Was he successful?
No, the "infant tree's" always beat the "Inn's urgency".

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Whose the most vague person in the Military ?
General Direction.

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Sergeant (to new recruit): What were you before you joined the army?
New Recruit: Happy, Sergeant.

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Did you hear about the woman who was waging a war on poverty?
She bombed the soup kitchen.

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They were dancing at the service club. He held her tight, his eyes were closed, and they danced as though floating on a cloud. Then the music stopped. "Let's go out on the porch," he said.
Outside, he took her in her arms and whispered in her shell-like ear, "Darling, I love you so. Say that you love me, too. I may not be rich like Sergeant Brown. I may not have a car like Sergeant Brown or spend money like he does, but I love you so much I'd do anything in the world for you."
Two soft, white arms reached around his neck, and two ruby lips whispered in his ear, "Darling, introduce me to Sergeant Brown."

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Two men were having a conservation about their grandfathers.
One man says,
"I was very upset when my grandpa died."
The other man asks him, "How'd he die?"
The first man responds by saying, "World War II."
The other man questions him further. "Died in battle?"
"No he was skiing in Vermont. It was just during World War II."

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How do you clear an Iraqi Bingo parlor?
Yell “B52”

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