Military Jokes

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Why did the Drill Sergeant get in trouble?
He got caught playing with his Privates!

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Two atom soldiers are fighting against an army. One gets shot. He cried out, im hit! I think I’ve lost an electron! Are you sure? Asks the other. Im positive!
This one as actually physics(unlike some other joke here, ahem cough cough)

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Don’t make Iran jokes my mom died by an rocket lancer, She was the best Sharpe shorter in the Iran army.

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Why was the roman soldier kicked out of the army- because he was romin around during war

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What did the Army Solider say after he got his legs fixed?
Afgan-I-Stand

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What did the blind man fight in the bar?
The coat rack

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Why don’t skeletons fight each other?
They don’t have the guts

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My dad and cancer go into a fight never saw my dad after that

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Bob Ross fighting in Vietnam. “The’re in the happy little trees, shoot the happy little trees and bushes.”

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The eyelash and the lipstick got into a fight soon they will make up

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What military branch does a pirate join?
The Arrrrrrrrmy

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Trump may have dodged the draft but he was still given honorary military ranks.
Private Tax Return,
Major Embarrassment,
Chief Petty Officer,
General Incompetence.

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How can you tell if someone was in the military?
Give them 5 minutes and they'll tell you themselves.

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Camouflage training at the military
Captain: I DIDN'T SEE YOU AT THE CAMOUFLAGE TRAINING TODAY JOHNSON!!
Johnson: Thank you sir!

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Why is the French military always shocked when they lose a battle?
Because electricity flows in the path of *least resistance*

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Why does the military only allow dress shirts at its ceremonies?
Because civilian casual tees are unacceptable.

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Why does the military stockpile hydrochloric acid?
To neutralize their enemy's strongest bases.

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If you ask my son why he joined the Army he will proudly tell you he joined to military to кill people.
He's a terrible doctor.

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