Military Jokes

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What do the military and Catholic priest's have in common?
Predator Missiles.

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How does the French Military advertise its surplus WW2 rifles?
“Brand new, only been thrown onto the ground once.”

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If rock bands were our military
Foo Fighters would be protecting us from foo’s on the ground while the Stone Temple Pilots are protecting the skies

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Word on the street is that Iran is looking for a new military General
Trump's even creating jobs in Iran!

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The military knocked on my door this morning. Guess what I did?
Iran.

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My grandkids were wondering how WW3 started and exactly how i served in the military during the war...
I simply said "Iran"

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What do you call the American version of a Chinatown?
A military base

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[SERIOUS] What classified military equipment would make life easier?
We don't know.

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Einstein had one autistic brother and one brother in the military.
He had a "special relative" and a "general relative".

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What do you call the fanatical elite military units of the Belgian armed forces?
Waffle SS

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Did you hear about the French military selling new rifles?
Never used, only dropped once!

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It's hard being immature in the military.
All these officers keep talking about my doody.

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Did you know that the Coast Guard is the only branch of military with a minimum required height of 6feet?
It's so if their boat sinks they can walk to shore.

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An international football team flies on a charter jet
To their next tournament. It’s quite a long flight and they get bored
And decide, since it’s a charter flight, that they’re going to play some
Football on the plane.
After a while the captain is getting angry with all the yelling and
Bumping and sends his co-pilot to go out there and shut them up.
30 seconds later the co-pilot comes back and the plane is wonderfully
Silent.
“That’s awesome, how did you manage to calm them down this quickly?”
“It was no problem. I just said, ‘Listen, guys, the weather is lovely –
Why don’t you play outside for a while?’”

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What do you do when the phone rings and you get a private caller?
Don't answer that. Pick up for ranks Lieutenant and higher only.

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