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Вицове за Финанси, Вицове за П... English Witze über Geld Chistes de dinero Шутки про Деньги Blagues sur l'argent Barzellette sui soldi Ανέκδοτα για Χρήματα Вицови за Пари Para fıkraları Анекдоти Про Гроші, Жарти про ... Piadas sobre Dinheiro Żarty o Pieniądzach Skämt om pengar Grappen over geld Vittigheder om penge Vitser om penger Vitsit rahasta Pénzviccek Glume despre Bani Vtipy o Penězích Anekdotai apie Pinigus Joki par Naudu Vicevi o Novcu
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Money jokes

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The Cost of Pleasure:
Cover charge: $15
Round of drinks: $23
Table dance: $30
A round of shots: $34
Private dance in your hotel room: $300
Send her on her way and never have to hear her complain: priceless.
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A hоокеr brings a client to her condo on Lake Shore Drive in Chicago. The client asks her if she gives good hand jobs.
"You see this condo? I bought it by giving good hand jobs."
Her client tells her to give him a hand job. Afterwards, he is impressed and asks her if she gives good вlоw jobs.
"Look out the window. See that red Ferrari on the street? I bought it by giving good вlоw jobs."
Her client asks her to give him a вlоw job. Afterwards, he is really impressed and asks her if she is good in bed.
"Look out the window. See that big yacht out there on Lake Michigan? I could own that if only I had a vаginа."
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Q: Two coins add up to thirty cents, and one of them is not a nickel. What are they?
A: A quarter and a nickel. Only one of them is not a nickel.
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My mom was the kind that'd send us to church but didn't go...
She'd give us scripture and didn't even know it. She just made up books. ''Cause in the Book of Ricky, it says you should give your mama five percent of your gross income.'
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A father and son were on a fishing trip when the dad pulled out a вееr.
"Can I have one, Dad?"
"Can your d**k touch your a**hole?"
"No."
"Then you can't have one." The dad took out a cigarette.
"Dad, can I smoke one, too?"
"Can your d**k touch your a**hole?"
"No."
"Then you can't have one."
On the way back, the dad bought two lottery tickets, one for his son and one for him. The dad won two dollars and the son won $500. The dad was surprised and a bit jealous.
"You're going to share that with me, aren't you, son?"
"Can your d**k touch your a**hole?"
"Yes."
"Then go f**k yourself."
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Q: What does sеx have in common with a savings account?
A: You lose interest once you make a withdrawal.
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Q: What are six inches long and irresistible to women?
A: Dollar bills.
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Q: What has six ваlls and rips you off daily?
A: The lottery.
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An elderly woman entered a large furniture store and was greeted by a salesman. "Is there something in particular I can show you?" he asked.
"Yes, I want to buy a sеxuаl sofa."
"You mean a sectional sofa," he suggested.
"Sectional, schmectional. All I want is an occasional piece in the living room."
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Q: Why did the perv go into Victoria's Secret?
A: The раnтiеs were half off.
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Once there was a farmer with three sons. He gave a duck to his eldest son and told him to see how much money he could get for it at the market. The eldest son came back later in the day, shouting "Dad, I got $10 for the duck!"
The farmer said "Well done, son."
The next day, the farmer sent the middle son to the market with a duck and he came back with $20. "Well done, son," said the farmer.
He then sent the youngest son to the market to see how much he could get for the duck. On the way to the market, the son met a рrоsтiтuте.
"I'll give you a f**k if you give me that duck," said the рrоsтiтuте. After they did it, the рrоsтiтuте said, "That was so good, I'll give you the duck back if you f**k me again." He did, and then he went on to the market.
On the way, the duck flew out of his arms and was run over by a truck. The truck driver jumped out of the cab and said "Oh no, I'm so sorry! Here's $50 to pay for it."
The youngest son went back to the farm and said to his father, "Hey, Dad! I got a f**k for a duck, a duck for a f**k, and $50 bucks for a f**ked up duck."
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Q: What did one penny say to the other penny?
A: "Let's get together and make some cents."
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I don't have a lot of sеx, man.
I really don't 'cause there are lot of obligations that come with sеx... like paying people's rent. It's too expensive.
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A man rushes his limp dog to the veterinarian. The doctor pronounces the dog dead. The agitated man demands a second opinion.
The vet goes into the back room and comes out with a cat. The cat sniffs the body and meows. The vet says, "I'm sorry, but the cat thinks that your dog is dead, too."
The man is still unwilling to accept that his dog is dead.
The vet brings in a black Labrador. The lab sniffs the body and barks. The vet says, "I'm sorry, but the lab thinks your dog is dead, too."
The man finally resigns to the diagnosis and asks how much he owes. The vet answers, "$650."
"$650 to tell me my dog is dead?" exclaims the man.
"Well," the vet replies, "I would only have charged you $50 for my initial diagnosis. The additional $600 is for the cat scan and lab tests."
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Q: What's the difference between a реnis and a paycheck?
A: You don't have to beg your wife to вlоw your paycheck.
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They've opened up a new casino for people on welfare.
When you put a food stamp in the slot machine and it lands on three babies, you win a block of cheese!
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Listen, money fall out in front of me, they could come over to my house while I'm standing there in a leather Karl Kani suit, waxing a new Benz - I don't know nothin' about it.
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A retired man moves near a junior high school. He spends the first few weeks of retirement in peace and quiet. However, when a new school year begins, three young boys beat on every trash can they encounter every day on their way home from school.
Finally, the man decides to take action and walks out to meet the boys. He says, "You kids are a lot of fun. I'll give you each a dollar if you'll promise to come around every day and do your thing." The kids continue to do a ваng-up job on the trashcans.
After a few days, the man tells the kids, "This recession's really putting a big dent in my income. From now on, I'll only be able to pay you 50 cents to beat on the cans." The noisemakers are displeased, but they accept his offer.
A few days later, the retiree approaches them again. "Look," he says, "I haven't received my Social Security check yet, so I'm not going to be able to pay more than 25 cents. Will that be OK?"
"A freakin' quarter?" the drum leader exclaims. "If you think we're going to waste our time beating these cans around for a quarter, you're nuts. We quit."
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