Money jokes

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Yo' Mama is so sтuрid, she thinks a quarterback is a refund.

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Yo' Mama is so poor, I saw her kicking a can down the street, and when I asked her what she was doing, she said, "Moving."

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Yo' Mama is so fат, when she went bungee jumping, she collapsed the bridge.

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A redneck family's only son returns home from college. The father asks, "Well son, you done gone to college, so you must be perty smart. Why don't you speak some math fer' us?"
The son says, "Pi R squared."
The father yells, "Why son, they ain't teached ya nothin'! Pies are round, cornbread are square."

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A crook mistakenly made a counterfeit $8 bill instead of a $10 bill.
He decided to try it out anyway, so he went to the bank and asked for change. The teller looked at the $8 bill and gave the crook two $4 bills as change.

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My mama was so cheap, she waited 'til after Christmas.
'Baby, Santa Claus missed our house. I called him, and he coming back tomorrow.' She was waiting for the stuff to go on sale.

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Cats are cool because you don't have to buy them.
You see them on the street, take them home - they're yours. You ain't never seen a cat being bought out of a pet store. They just sit in the pet store. They're under there like, 'Meow,' and you be looking at them like, 'Oh they're so cute. Let's go find one like that.'

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He took me to McDonald's, backed his car through the drive-through window, so the cashier could be on my side.

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Q: Why aren't there any nails in a lеsвiаn's floor?
A: They're all laid with tongue and groove.

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Joe asked God, "How much is a penny worth in heaven?"
God replied, "$1 million."
Joe asked, "How long is a minute in heaven?"
God said, "One million years."
Joe asked for a penny. God said, "Sure, in a minute."

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The Cost of Pleasure:
Cover charge: $15
Round of drinks: $23
Table dance: $30
A round of shots: $34
Private dance in your hotel room: $300
Send her on her way and never have to hear her complain: priceless.

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A hоокеr brings a client to her condo on Lake Shore Drive in Chicago. The client asks her if she gives good hand jobs.
"You see this condo? I bought it by giving good hand jobs."
Her client tells her to give him a hand job. Afterwards, he is impressed and asks her if she gives good вlоw jobs.
"Look out the window. See that red Ferrari on the street? I bought it by giving good вlоw jobs."
Her client asks her to give him a вlоw job. Afterwards, he is really impressed and asks her if she is good in bed.
"Look out the window. See that big yacht out there on Lake Michigan? I could own that if only I had a vаginа."

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Even Mother Nature has enough sense to stay out of the projects.
You know your neighborhood is bad when the weather don't want to come to it.

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My mom was the kind that'd send us to church but didn't go...
She'd give us scripture and didn't even know it. She just made up books. ''Cause in the Book of Ricky, it says you should give your mama five percent of your gross income.'

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A father and son were on a fishing trip when the dad pulled out a вееr.
"Can I have one, Dad?"
"Can your d**k touch your a**hole?"
"No."
"Then you can't have one." The dad took out a cigarette.
"Dad, can I smoke one, too?"
"Can your d**k touch your a**hole?"
"No."
"Then you can't have one."
On the way back, the dad bought two lottery tickets, one for his son and one for him. The dad won two dollars and the son won $500. The dad was surprised and a bit jealous.
"You're going to share that with me, aren't you, son?"
"Can your d**k touch your a**hole?"
"Yes."
"Then go f**k yourself."

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Q: What does sеx have in common with a savings account?
A: You lose interest once you make a withdrawal.

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Q: What are six inches long and irresistible to women?
A: Dollar bills.

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Q: What has six ваlls and rips you off daily?
A: The lottery.

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