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Morbid jokes

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Q: What is the point of Jewish football?
A: To get the quarter back
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Q: How do you make a dead baby float?
A: One scoop of ice cream and Two scoops of dead baby.
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What has 2 arms, 3 legs, and 4 feet?
The finish line at the Boston Marathon.
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Ozzy Osbourne bites the heads off of bats.
Chuck Norris bites the heads off of Siberian Tigers.
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Mary held her little daughter,
Twenty minutes under water.
Not to care for any troubles,
Just to look at those funny bubbles.
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What's the difference between Santa Claus and Jews?
Santa comes down the chimney.
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Лиценца Der Arzt der träumte Επαγγελματική δεοντολογία!!! женщина-врач не может заснуть - в ней спорят совесть и разум.... Една лекарка не може да заспи. Разговор между двама доктора: Чувство вины мучило доктора Х. весь день. Внутренний голос уговаривал его: Един лекар до късно през нощта не може да заспи. Мъчи го съвестта и все си мисли: Разговаривают два врача: A voice inside said to me: ”Calm down As she lay there dozing next to me a voice inside my head kept saying - Слыхал Guy s'était senti coupable toute la journée. Même en essayant d'oublier de toutes ses forces. Il n'y parvenait pas et ce sentiment l'envahissait toujours. De temps en temps Ein Arzt sitzt verstört in seiner Praxis und macht sich schreckliche Vorwürfe Dokter Serge heeft sex gehad met één van zijn patiënten en hij voelt zich al de hele dag schuldig. Het maakt iet uit hoeveel moeite hij doet om het te probeerden te vergeten Zwei Ärzte unterhalten sich. Meint der eine: "Verdammt Deux médecins discutent : "-Hier Uzun ve yorucu bir ask ve sevisme seansindan sonra doktor az otesinde Uyuklayan hastasina bakarken birden cok fena halde sucluluk duygusuna Kapilmis. Panikler gibi olunca icini rahatlatmak icin...
Dr. Dave slept with one of his patients and felt guilty all day long. No matter how much he tried to forget about it, he couldn't. The guilt and sense of betrayal was overwhelming. But every once in a while, he'd hear an internal voice that said, "Dave, don't worry about it. You aren't the first doctor to sleep with one of their patients, and you won't be the last. And you're single. Let it go."
But invariably, the other voice would bring him back to reality.
"But Dave, you're a vet."
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Three dead bodies turn up at the mortuary, all with very big smiles on their faces.
The coroner calls the police to tell them what has happened.
"First body: Frenchman, 60, died of heart failure while making love to his mistress. Hence the enormous smile, Inspector", says the Coroner.
"Second body: Scotsman, 25, won a thousand pounds on the lottery, spent it all on whisky. Died of alcohol poisoning, hence the smile."
The Inspector asked, "What of the third body?"
"Ah," says the coroner, "this is the most unusual one. Billy-Bob the redneck from Oklahoma, 30, struck by lightning."
"Why is he smiling then?" inquires the Inspector.
"Thought he was having his picture taken.
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Chuck Norris was hungry so he went to eat a hotdog.
When he saw it giggled and said:
"What a bad luck! Look what a part of a dog I've to eat!"
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Копеле C’est deux copains qui discutent dans un bar. Вчера спас девушку A guy was walking to a bar and on his way he found a girl tied up to the railroad tracks. He untied her and they had sex. Un homme croise un ami dans la rue : An ugly bloke walks into a pub with a huge grin on his face. "What are you so happy about ?" asks the landlord. "Well There's some soldiers in Vietnam. And they've been pinned down in their trench for days. Finally one guy says 2 Lokführer unterhalten sich. Sagt der eine: "Du Een lelijke kerel komt een bar binnen met een enorme grijns op zijn gezicht. “Waarom ben jij zo blij?” vraagt de barman. “Nou” Un homme rentre de son footing et raconte sa journée à un ami. - Aujourdhui il m'est arrivé un truc de malade! - Que c'est il passé ? - Je courais le loin de la voie de chemin de fer et je vois une...
A guy is late to meet with his friends at the local bar the friends obviously ask why he is late and he responds:
"Wow, you won't believe what just happened. So I take the usual route via the rail tracks and suddenly I see a young, nакеd woman tied up next to the tracks."
The friends are curious and ask: "Well, what happened next?"
The guy says: "Of course I untied her and we had sеx because I freed her."
The friends are cheering and one friend asks: "Soo... did you get any head?"
The guy says: "No, I couldn't find it..."
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How do they name Chinese baby's? They throw silverware down the stairs until they hear something they like. How do Chinese people name their kids? Throw a spoon down the stairs. Ching chang chong ting. Víte
How do Asians name their babies?
They throw a can down the stairs.
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What's better than 10 dead babies in 1 bag?
1 dead baby in 10 bags.
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Adolf Hitlers Selbstmord - Защо Хитлер се е самоубил? Perquè Hitler se suicido? -¿Cual fue el mayor susto de la historia para hitler? Why did Hitler commit suicide? He got his gas bill. Pourquoi Hitler s'est suicidé ? Parce qu'il a reçu la facture de gaz Hitler got a heart attack when he saw the gas bill. Varför tog Hitler självmord? Företaget han köpte gas ifrån skickade en räkning. Varför tog Hitler sitt eget liv? Han fick sin gasräkning. Why did Hitler committed a suicide? He received the bill from Gazprom. Quando foi que Hitler se suicidou? Quando ele viu a conta de gás no final do mês. – Vad dog Hitler av? – För höga gasräkningar. Hvorfor begik Hitler selvmord? Han modtog sin gasregning!! Ærtemad! Hitler Hvorfor begik Hitler selvmord? – Jøderne sendte ham gasregningen - Miksi Adolf Hitler tappoi itsensä? - Kaasuyhtiö lähetti laskun. Waarom pleegde Hitler zelfmoord? Omdat hij de gasrekening zag. Comment la femme d'Hitler est-elle morte? Elle s'est trompée de douche   Comment Hitler est-il mort? En voyant la facture de gaz Jantje komt huis van school De ce a murit hitler? - S-a impuscat cand a vazut factura la gaz! În ce condiţii s-a sinucis Hitler? Cînd a primit factura de gaze! Víte proč Hitler spáchal na konci války sebevraždu? Přišel mu účet za plyn. Dlaczego Hitler popełnił samobójstwo? - Bo dostał rachunek za gaz. Hitler si è suicidato perchè gli è arrivata la bolletta del Gas! Hitler vittighed Hvorfor skød Hitler sig selv? Han var bange for at se sin gasregning ... Sapete perchè Hitler si è suicidato? Ha visto la bolletta del gas. Зошто се самоубил Хитлер ? - Оти му дошла сметка за плин! Vraag:hoe is Hitler gestorven? Antwoord:hij kreeg een hartaanval toen hij de gasrekening kreeg. The Real reason Hitler took his life What is the highest thing hitler achieved in WW2 His gas bill Sai quando morì Hitler? quando vide la bolletta del gas
Q: Why did Нiтlеr кill himself?
A: He saw his gas bill.
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Q: Why did the cannibal tax auditor get disciplined?
A: For buttering up her clients.
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What's the difference between a dead baby and a Styrofoam cup?
A dead baby doesn't harm the atmosphere when you burn it.
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What has more brains than a dead baby?
The wall behind it.
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What's the difference between a dead baby and a trampoline?
When you jump on a trampoline, you take your boots off.
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Q: How do you know if your baby is dead?
A: Your 3-year-old daughter has put on allot of weight in the last day or two.
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