Most popular jokes

Some love one,
Some love two.
I love one,
That is you.

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Two Virginia rednecks go on a fishing trip.
They rent all the equipment - the reels, the rods, the wading suits, the rowboat, the car, and even a cabin in the woods.
I mean they spend a fortune!
The first day they go fishing, but they don't catch anything.
The same thing happens on the second day, and on the third day.
It goes on like this until finally, on the last day of their vacation, one of the men catches a fish.
As they're driving home they're really depressed.
One guy turns to the other and says,
"Do you realize that this one lousy fish we caught cost us fifteen hundred bucks?"
The other guy says,
"Wow! Then it's a good thing we didn't catch any more!"

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Redneck jokes Travel and Tourist Jokes Fishing Jokes

My blonde girlfriend went to the doctors this morning and was told she had two weeks to live.
She chose last week and this week.

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Medical and Doctor Jokes Blonde Jokes Sick and Death Jokes Stupid Jokes

Q: How many cost accountants does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Hmmm... I'll just do a few numbers and get back to you.

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Accountant Jokes Office and Work Jokes Math Jokes Light bulb jokes

The fastest, most effective way to learn about servant leadership is to take a puppy for a walk.

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Management Jokes Animal Jokes

I like my women like my morning coffee, falling off the roof of my car as I peel out of a gas station parking lot.

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Car and driving jokes Jokes about Women Coffee Jokes

Little Melissa comes home from first grade and tells her father that they learned about the history of Valentine's Day.
"Since Valentine's Day is a Christian sаinт and we're Jewish," she asks, "will God get mad at me for giving someone a valentine?"
Melissa's father thinks a bit, then says, "No, I don't think God would get mad. Who do you want to give a valentine to?"
"Osama Bin Laden," she says.
"Why Osama Bin Laden?" her father asks in shock.
"Well," she says, "I thought that if a little American Jewish girl could have enough love to give Osama a valentine, he might start to think that maybe we're not all bad, and maybe start loving people a little bit. And if other kids saw what I did and sent valentines to Osama, he'd love everyone a lot. And then he'd start going all over the place to tell everyone how much he loved them and how he didn't hate anyone anymore."
Her father's heart swells and he looks at his daughter with pride. "Melissa, that's the most wonderful thing I've ever heard."
"I know," Melissa says, "and once that gets him out in the open, the Marines could вlоw the сrар out of him."

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Valentine's Day Jokes Religion jokes Dark Humor Jokes Military Jokes Love Jokes American Jokes

The buzzword of this election is "CHANGE."
Candidates toss it around without saying what they want to change to.
Just that we need CHANGE!
This brings to mind the following illustration...
Years ago, there was an old tale in the Marine Corps about a lieutenant who inspected his Marines and told the "Gunny" that they smelled bad.
The lieutenant suggested that they change their underwear.
The "Gunny" responded, "Aye, aye, sir. I'll see to it immediately."
He went into the tent and said, "The lieutenant thinks you guys smell bad, and he wants you to change your underwear. Smith, you change with Jones, McCarthy, you change with Witkowski, Brown, you change with Schultz..."
"Change, now get on with it!"
And the moral is: A candidate may promise change in Washington... but the stink remains!

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Military Jokes Political Jokes Communication Jokes

The new office-boy came into his boss's office and said, "I think you re wanted on the phone, sir."
"What d you mean, you think?" demanded the boss.
"Well, sir, the phone rang, I answered it and a voice said is that you, you old fool?"

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Office and Work Jokes Management Jokes Communication Jokes Phone jokes Boss Jokes

When asked for his name by the coffee shop clerk, my brother-in-law answered, "Marc, with a C."
Minutes later, he was handed his coffee with his name written on the side: Cark.

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Customer service jokes Communication Jokes Stupid Jokes Coffee Jokes

The bean soup I'd ordered was mostly water.
I decided to tell the waitress.
"This soup is awful," I said.
"I know," she said. "I don't like bean soup either."

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Waiter Jokes Food Jokes Customer service jokes Communication Jokes

Q: What was Нiтlеr's favorite drink?
A: Concentrated jews.

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Women need a reason to have sеx - men just need a place.

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One day little Jonny was at his house asleep until he heard his parents arguing and his mom called the dad a "ваsтаrd" and the dad called the mom a "вiтсh".
So little Jonny asked, "dad what does вiтсh and ваsтаrd mean?"
Then his dad said it meant "ladies and gentlemen."
So the next day little Jonny was upstairs in his room until he heard his mom moaning.
He walked into their room and the mom said "feel my тiттiеs" and the dad said "choke on my diск".
Little Jonny asked, "dad what does тiттiеs and diскs mean?"
So his dad said "coats and jackets."
Then it was Thanksgiving and they were having family over for the day and Little Jonny went upstairs and heard his dad say "shiт!"
Because he had cut himself.
And Little Jonny said, "dad what does shiт mean?"
So his dad said "it means wiping shaving cream off my face."
So little Jonny went back downstairs and his mom was in the kitchen stuffing a turkey and she yelled: "fuск!"
So little Jonny asked, "what does fuск mean?"
And she said "stuffing the turkey."
Then the doorbell rang, and Little Jonny opened the door and said: "hello вiтсhеs and ваsтаrds put your тiттiеs and diскs on the coat racket, my dads, upstairs wiping the shiт off his face and my moms in the kitchen fuскing the turkey!"

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Parent Jokes Little Johnny Jokes Dirty jokes Vulgar jokes Thanksgiving Jokes Communication Jokes

Q: What's O. J. Simpson's Internet address?
A: Slash, slash, backslash, slash, slash, escape.

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Technology Jokes Celebrity and Pop Culture Jokes Internet Jokes

Your mama so fат Thanos had to snap twice.

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Yo Momma Jokes

A blonde, a brunette, and a man are driving in their pick-up truck. The brunette was sitting up front with the man and the blonde was in the back. While driving across a bridge the man lost control of the truck and drove over the side of the bridge. After the truck had sunk, the man and brunette fought their way out of the cab and surfaced. A couple of minutes later the blonde came out of the water, panting and breathless. "Where have you been?" asked the man. "I can't believe you left me down there! I couldn't get the tailgate open!"

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Blonde Jokes

Q: What do the Mafia and a рussy have in common?
A: One slip of the tongue, and you're in deep shiт.

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Dirty jokes Vagina Jokes

There was a man driving a pickup truck down a country road, when suddenly he was broad sided by a trailer truck.
Some time went by, and the case got to court.
The defense attorney said to the plaintiff, "How can you be suing my client now when you told a trooper after the accident that you felt fine?"
The man replied. "Well sir, it was like this. We was driving down the road, minding our own business, when a big trailer truck came out of nowhere and creamed us. When I came to, I was in the ditch, and a trooper was pulling up with his car. He looked at the hogs, and they was most dead, so he shot them. Then he looked at my dog, and he was hurt real bad, so he shot him."
Then he came over to me and he said, "How you feeling?"
I said, "I never felt better in my life."

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Lawyer Jokes Animal Jokes

F*uck me if I'm wrong, but isn't your name Laura?

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