Newest jokes

Most people have 32 teeth. Some just have 8.
It’s simple метh.

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I dig, you dig, she dig, we dig, you dig…the poem may not be beautiful, but it's certainly very deep.

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I’ve seen this show about beavers last night – best dam documentary I’ve ever seen!”

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I’m getting really claustrophobic in elevators. I’ve had to start taking steps to avoid it.

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How to catch a squirrel?
Go in a forest and act nuts.

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In theory, 747 shouldn’t ever crash, should it?
It should just go ‘Boeing’.

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Aviation jokes, Flying jokes, Pilot jokes, Airplane jokes | Good jokes

Daddy somebody’s at the door. He’s collecting for the district’s new indoor swimming pool.
Ok, give him a bucket of water then.

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If a wild pig kills you, does it mean you’ve been boared to death?

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What is red and occasionally explodes in the fruit section?
A pomegranate.

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37 consonants, 25 vowels, a question mark, and a comma went to court. They will be sentenced next Friday.

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Nurse to a doctor: Doctor, here’s your list of heart, liver and kidney donors. I already sorted them alphabetically.
Doctor: Excellent job. Seriously well оrgаn-ized.

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A guy goes to a doctor because he’s got a strawberry growing out of his chest. The doctor looks, examines and finally says, “Let me give you some cream to put on it.”

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Would it be possible to cross an eel with an eagle?
Absolutely not. That would be eeleagle.

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I have an intense desire to return to the wомв. Anybody's.
Woddy Allen

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"You know you're getting old when you get that one candle on the cake. It's like, 'see if you can вlоw this one out.'"
Jerry Seinfeld

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I believe there is something out there watching over us – unfortunately it's the government.
Woddy Allen

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Eternity is a very long time, especially towards the end.
Woddy Allen

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A guy is stopped by traffic police. The police officer asks him to open his trunk – and sees 2 penguins sitting inside. The officer is shocked and says to the guy, “Sir, you’ve got to takes those two to the Zoo right away!” The guy agrees and leaves.
The next day – same place, same police officer – he is stopped again. The officer again asks him to open his trunk, and to his confusion, there are the two penguins sitting again, today with swimming hats on their heads. The officer says, “I told you yesterday that you have to take them to the Zoo, didn’t I?!”
“And I did take them to the Zoo, just like you said. And today we’re going swimming.”

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Kids jokes, Toddler Jokes, Children jokes