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Η Ψυχανάλυση Знаете ли защо психолозите предпочитат да работят с мъже, вместо с жени? Почему психологам проще работать с мужчинами, чем с женщинами? ¿Por qué el psicoanálisis es más breve para el hombre que para la mujer?. Porque os psicanalistas são mais rápidos no tratamento dos homens do que nas mulheres? Porque enquanto as mulheres têm que regredir até a infância, os homens já estão lá. Weshalb geht eine Psychoanalyse bei Männern schneller als bei Frauen? - Wenn es darum geht, in die Kindheit zurückzugehen, haben die meisten Männer nicht weit. Por que a psicanálise é mais rápida para os homens ? Porque quando dizem para ele voltar à infância, ele já está lá ! Pourquoi une psychanalyse dure moins longtemps pour un homme ? Pas besoin de régresser en enfance, c'est déjà fait. Pourquoi est-ce que la psychanalyse des hommes est plus rapide que celle des femmes ? - Parce qu'il s'agit de remonter dans l'enfance, et avec les hommes, on y est déjà. Proč je rychlejší psychoanalýza u muže? Protože když se chce doktor dostat do jeho dětství, tak už je tam. Dlaczego psychoanaliza mężczyzn jest szybsza od psychoanalizy kobiet? - Dlatego, że chodzi w niej o powrót do dzieciństwa, a mężczyźni już tam są. Varför går en psykisk analys mycket snabbare för män än för kvinnor? - När det är dags att gå tillbaka till barndomen är männen redan där.
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Just married Το λοιπόν γινόταν ένας γάμος στην Κρήτη Тепачка на селска свадба Falusi lagziban hatalmas botrány tör ki, mert a vőlegény belerúg a menyasszonyba. A botrányból verekedés lesz, majd az egész társulat a rendőrségen köt ki. Miután az orvos ellátja a sérülteket, a... Na jednoj svadbi se desila tuča, tako da je morala prisustvovati policija. Nekoliko svatova pohapse i odvedu na policiju. Poicajac sada ispituje prvog uhapšenog za zapisnik. Ovaj priča: - "Pa tako... Tout le monde étant en état d’ébriété avancée, la fête de mariage avait tourné court. Au cours de la soirée, la bière et le whisky aidant, une bagarre éclate entre les deux familles. La police... Tout le monde étant en état d'ébriété avancé, la fête de mariage avait tourné court. A l'issue du repas, les représentants masculins des deux familles concernées en étaient venu aux mains. La... Et ungt par var lige blevet gift, og hele familien var nu i retten. Dommeren bad forloveren fortælle, hvad der var sket ved bryllupsfesten. Jo, forklarede han, - det er jo en tradition, at...
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1. Ali Baba and the forty thieves are now Ali Baba and the thirty thieves.  Ten were laid off.
2. Batman and Robin are now Batman and Pedro. Batman fired Robin…. and hired Pedro because Pedro was willing to work twice the hours at the same rate
3. Iron man now “air-pooling” with Superman to save fuel costs.
4. Women finally marrying for love, and not money
5. Q: With the current market turmoil, what’s the easiest way tomake a small fortune?
A: Start off with a large one.
6. The credit crunch is getting bad isn’t it? I mean, I let my brother borrow $10 a couple of weeks back, it turns out I’m now America’s third biggest lender.
7. Q: Why have Dubai real estate agents stopped looking out of the window in the morning?
A: Because otherwise they’d have nothing to do in the afternoon.
8. Q: What’s the difference between an American and a Zimbabwean?
A: In a few weeks, nothing.
9. Dow Jones is re-branded as “Down Jones”.
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Sluт jokes are just whoreable.
 
Q: What’s the difference between a whоrе and a вiтсh?
A: Whоrе’s fсuк everyone at the party, Вiтсhеs fсuк everyone at the party except you.
 
Q: How do you make a hormone?
A: Stick a rusty fсuкing chainsaw up her c*nt.
 
Q: What do you call kids born in whorehouses?
A: Brothel sprouts.
 
Q: What do you get when you cross a whоrе with a systems engineer?
A: A fcukin know-it-all!
 
Q: Who makes more money a drug dealer or a whоrе?
A: A hоокеr because she can wash her сrаск and reuse it.
 
Q: What do you call a Serbian whоrе?
A: Sloberdown Mycockyoubitch
 
Q: What does bungee jumping and whоrеs have in common?
A: They both cost a hundred bucks and if the rubber breaks, you’re sсrеwеd.
 
Q: Did you hear about the Chinese whоrе that had a black baby?
A: She named him Sum Ting Wong!
 
Q: Why do Jewish men like to watch роrnо movies backward?
A: They like the part where the whоrе gives the money back.
 
Q: What do you call a whоrе with no legs?
A: A nightcrawler!
 
Q: What’s the difference between your job and a Dead Whоrе?
A: Your job still suскs!
 
Q: What’s the difference between a whоrе and a hockey player?
A: A hockey player takes a shower after 3 periods
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A guy walks into a bar with his pet monkey.
He orders a drink and while he's drinking it the monkey is running wild.
The monkey jumps up on the pool table and grabs the cue ball, sticks it in his mouth and swallows it whole.
The bartender is livid and says to the guy, "Did you see what your monkey just did?"
"No. What did that sтuрid monkey do this time?" says the patron.
"Well, he just swallowed the cue ball off the pool table, whole" says the bartender.
"Yeah, well I hope it kills him because he's been driving me nuts," says the patron.
The guy finishes his drink and leaves.
Two weeks later he comes back with the monkey.
He orders a drink and the monkey starts running wild around the bar again.
While the man is drinking his drink, the monkey finds some peanuts on the bar.
He grabs one, sticks it up his вuтт, then pulls it out and eats it.
The bartender is disgusted.
"Did you see what your monkey did now?" he asks.
"What now?" responds the patron.
"Well, he stuck a peanut up his вuтт, then pulled it out and ate it" says the bartender.
"Well, what do you expect?" replied the patron.
"Ever since he ate that dаrn cue ball he measures everything first!"
Der Affe und die Billiardkugel O sujeito entra no bar com um macaquinho no ombro, vai até o balcão e pede uma bebida. O macaquinho, muito esperto, fica pulando de mesa em mesa. Primeiro, ele pega umas azeitonas, examina bem de... Een man wandelt een bar binnen met zijn huisdier, een aap. Hij bestelt een pintje en terwijl hij het opdrinkt, springt zijn aap door heel het café. De aap neemt wat olijven van de bar en... Een man wandelt met zijn aap een bar binnen "Ja, dat verbaast me niets", antwoordt de man, "hij eet alles wat 'ie ziet. Sorry, ik zal voor alles betalen." De man drinkt zijn pint op, betaalt alles... En man stiger in på en bar. I sällskap har han sin lilla tama apa. Mannen beställer in en öl och slår sig ner. Under tiden går apan runt i baren. Vid ett bord står en skål jordnötter. De äter apan... En kille kom in i baren med en apa på axeln. - Ni får akta er för hårbollen, sa killen, han äter allt i sin väg. Just i det ögonblicket hoppade apan upp på biljardbordet, stoppade en av bollarna i... En mand kommer ind på en bar med sin abe. Han bestiller en øl, og mens han drikker den hopper aben rundt over hele baren. Aben tager nogle oliven fra baren, og spiser dem. Derefter tager den nogle... Numa visita a um zoológico da capital, um veter- inário foi à jaula do macaco. — Chegando lá, começou a observar uma atitude estranha do símio: Cada vez que ele dava uma pipoca pro macaquinho,... Toda vez que o rapaz visitava o zoologico, ele observava que todo alimento que era jogado na jaula do macaco o bicho primeiro passava na bunda para depois comer. Intrigado com aquela cena, certo... Um homem estava andando e comendo pipoca qdo passou na frente de um zoologico e resolveu entrar. Parando em frente a jaula de um macaco, ele jogou uma pipoca pro macaco, o macaco passou na bunda e... Adamın biri evcil maymunu ile bir bara gitmiş. Bir içki ısmarlamış, o sırada da maymunu ortalıkda dolaşıp eline ne geçirirse ağızına atıyomuş. Son olarak bilardo masasındaki bir topu mideye... Un tip cu o Maimuta intra intr-un bar. Se duce omul la bar Si comanda o bere. Maimuta incepe sa sara De colo colo si baga in gura tot ce Gaseste: mananca maslinele si Ciresele de pe bar, sare pe... Човек влиза в бар с домашната си маймуна. Той поръчва питие, а докато го пие, маймуната вилнее. Скача на билярдната маса и грабва една топка, пъха я в устата си и я поглъща цялата. Барманът...
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Борец се застоява пред кафе-машина. Добивка Кафанската пејачка и автоматот за кафе Blonde Luck The soda machine στο μηχάνημα του καφέ Ρέντα... Αυτόματο καφέ Ein Österreicher kommt zu einem Coca Cola Automaten und wirft eine Münze ein. Die Maschine spuckt ein Coca Cola aus. Un atlante se encuentra en un casino de Las Vegas frente a una máquina de sodas. El Atlante introduce unas monedas, presiona un botón, y recibe una soda. Vuelve a introducir otras monedas, y recibe otra soda. Y vuelve a introducir otras monedas, y recibe otra soda más. Un señor se acerca y le... Steht ein Mann vor einem Brötchenautomat und zieht sich die ganze Zeit Brötchen. Da kommt ein anderer vorbei und sagt: "Hör auf damit, was bringt das?" Antwortet der andere: "Jetzt aufhören? Bei der Glückssträhne?" C'est un Belge qui marche dans la rue. Il passe devant un distributeur de boissons et s'arrête, stupéfait. "Tiens, alors comme c'est bizarre, à quoi ça peut bien servir ??" Il fout une pièce,... Sune står vid en smörgåsautomat och stoppar i krona efter krona. Kön växer bakom honom och när han plockar upp ut sin elfte smörgås säger en uppretad herre: - Hörru du är det inte dags att sluta... A blonde walks up to a Coke machine and puts in a coin. Out pops a Coke. The blonde looks amazed and runs away to get some more coins. She returns and starts feeding the machine madly and of course... Stoi blondynka przed automatem do coca coli, kupuje i kupuje - robi się kolejka, w końcu zniecierpliwieni ludzie zadają pytanie: - Co pani tam tak długo robi? Na to blondynka odpowiada: - Przecież... O português chegou na máquina de refrigerantes, colocou uma ficha, e pegou a latinha. Depois botou outra ficha e pegou outra latinha. Depois botou outra ficha e pegou outra latinha. Meia hora... Era una rubia que llega al casino por primera vez y lo primero que ve es una máquina de coca-cola donde un señor pone una moneda de un euro, recoge la lata y se va. La rubia saca un euro, mete la... Un Belge met des pièces dans un distributeur de boissons. Pour avoir des bouteilles de Coca-Cola. Une queue s'est formé derrière lui et on lui demande s'il a bientôt terminé. Il répond: - Tant que... Przed automatem z wodą sodową stoi blondynka. Wrzuca monetę, czeka aż szklanka napełni się wodą, wypija, wrzuca monetę i tak bez końca. Ludzie stojący za nią w kolejce niecierpliwią się. - Niech...
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Los barcos y el naufrago pidiendo ayuda πιστη στο θεο Θεϊκή παρέμβαση Old Mrs. Watkins awoke one spring morning to find that the river had flooded the entire first floor of her house. There was a preacher who fell in the ocean and he couldn't swim. When a boat came by, the captain yelled: Un curé qui se promène dans la nature est pris dans les sables mouvants. Alors qu'il s'enfonce jusqu'au aux chevilles, un camion de pompiers passe par là. Един човек бил много вярващ. Уповавал се на Бог за всичко. В селото, в което живеел, завалял проливен дъжд. Реката придошла, излязла от коритото си и заляла улиците. Хората започнали да се спасяват кой както може! Само вярващия човек седял пред прага на къщата си и си повтарял: "Бог ще ми... Станало голямо наводнение. Водата започнала да нахлува в сградите. В една къща набожен човек стоял се молел на Господ да го спаси. Водата стигнала до първия етаж. Докато човекът се молел, покрай къщата му минал друг човек с лодка и му викнал: - Качвай се в лодката и да се спасяваме! Набожният... Un curé est en train de se noyer au milieu d'un fleuve. Par chance, il passe une péniche qui lui envoie une corde : "Accrochez vous, mon père!" lui lance le batelier. Le curé répond "je vous remercie mon, fils, mais je fais confiance à Dieu pour me sauver". Le curé est toujours en train de se... Ein Mann wurde ins freie Meer geworfen. Kommt ein Boot vorbei. Kapitän: "Soll ich dich retten?" Mann: "Nein, Gott wird mir schon helfen!" Nach einer Weile kommt ein weiteres Boot. Kapitän: "Soll... Rencontre avec Dieu Un homme veut mourir en s'enfonçant dans les sables mouvants, mais des pompiers viennent le chercher : "Monsieur, nous allons vous tirer de là." "Non, je veux que Dieu me... Uma pequena cidade do interior estava enfrentando uma enchente, cada vez mais o nível do rio estava subindo, então resolveram evacuar a cidade. Levaram toda a população embora, menos o padre que... so theres this christian man and hes on top of his roof, because hes getting floded, the water is up to his ankles, and he prays to god. man: please god, please can you save me. ten minuets later a... A priest is drowning in a river… A boat comes along and asks to help him. He says “leave me alone, god will save me.” The next day another boat came along and asked to help him. Again he said... Er was eens een man die het oerwoud in wilde. Dus ging hij op een dag het oerwoud in. Toen hij daar eindelijk aangekomen was, bleef hij vastzitten in het drijfzand. Hij zei: "Geen paniek, God helpt... Powódź w prowincjonalnym miasteczku. Ewakuacja ludności. Wojsko puka do kaplicy: - Proszę księdza, niech ksiądz ucieka! Ksiądz się utopi! - Nigdzie nie idę, wierzę w Opatrzność Boską. Po trzech... Det var en gång två män som hette Frank och Peter.. En dag så blev det Översvämmning och deras vägar var dränkta.. Så kom Peter med en kanot till Franks hus och sa - Kom ut därifrån du kommer... Een man staat tot z'n knieen in het water, komt er een speetboot aan en stopt even om de man uit het water te halen. Zegt de man in het water: "Nee, dat hoeft niet want god komt mij redden." Poosje... C'est un croyant qui est dans le sable mouvant:il en a jusqu'aux genoux les pompiers viennent il dit "Dieu va me sauver". Il en a jusqu'au torse les pompiers reviennent, il dit "Dieu va me sauver".... Un calugarul cade in mare. Apare imediat o barca cu salvamari: - Va simtiti bine? Aveti nevoie de ajutor?! - Nuu! Dumnezeu ma va salva el pe mine... Mai inghite calugarul niste apa ... Si mai vine... C'est un curé qui est en train de se noyer dans un lac. Les pompiers arrivent et veulent le sauver mais le curé dit "Dieu me sauvera". Donc les pompiers rentre a la caserne mais leur chef  les... Habia un hombre que se cayo al mar y se estaba ahogando aparece un barco y le dice dale subi y el hombre dice no a mi me va a salvar dios aparece otro barco y le dice lo mismo y el hombre dice no a... Egy pap fuldoklik a folyóban. Arra megy egy gátőr és felé nyújt egy hosszú rudat. - Fogja meg, kihúzom! - Nem, köszönöm, az Isten majd segít! - Fogja már meg, kihúzom!- erősködik a gátőr. - Hagyja... En präst håller på att drunkna i havet och en båt kör förbi. De på båten frågar: - Vill du ha hjälp? Prästen svarar: - Nej tack, Gud kommer att rädda mig. Båten kör förbi och efter ett tack kör en... Un cura seva ala selva y caen en arenas mobedizas biene un bombero y le dice señor necesita ayuda no¡ dios me salbara.... luego viene otro vombero i le dice señor neesita ayuda i dice no¡ dios me... A man goes swimming in the ocean but gets sucked out to sea. A boat passes by him and tells him to climb aboard but he says, "I have faith, God will save me." The Coast Guard comes by with a rescue...
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An Englishman, a German and a Frenchman are all in Saudi Arabia, sharing a smuggled crate of вооzе when, all of a sudden, Saudi police rush in and arrest them. The mere possession of alcohol is a severe offence in Saudi Arabia, so for the terrible сriме of actually being caught consuming the вооzе, they are all sentenced to death!
However, after many months and with the help of very good lawyers, they were able to successfully appeal their sentences down to life imprisonment. By a sтrоке of luck, it was a Saudi national holiday the day their trial finished, and the extremely benevolent Sheikh decided they could be released after receiving just 20 lashes each of the whip.
As they were preparing for their punishment, the Sheikh announced:
"It's my first wife's birthday today, and she has asked me to allow each of you one wish before your whipping.
The German was first in line, he thought for a while and then said:
"Please tie a pillow to my back. This was done, but the pillow only lasted 10 lashes before the whip went through. When the punishment was done the German had to be carried away bleeding and crying with pain.
The Frenchman was next up. After watching the German in horror he said smugly:
"Please fix two pillows to my back." But even two pillows could only take 15 lashes before the whip went through again and the Frenchman was soon led away whimpering loudly.
The Englishman was the last one up, but before he could say anything, the Sheikh turned to him and said:
"You are from a most beautiful part of the world and your culture is one of the finest in the world. For this, you may have two wishes!"
"Thank you, your Most Royal and Merciful highness," the Englishman replied. "In recognition of your kindness, my first wish is that you give me not 20, but 100 lashes."
"Not only are you an honorable, handsome and powerful man, you are also very brave," the Sheikh said with an admiring look on his face. "If 100 lashes is what you desire, then so be it. And your second wish, what is it to be?" the Sheikh asked.
The Englishman smiled and said, "Tie the Frenchman to my back."
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Пивото има женски хормони Алкохолот содржи женски хормони?! Θηλυκές ορμονες Абе вярно ли е, че в бирата слагат женски хормони? Учени са открили женски хормони в бирата! Последние исследования показали, что в пиве содержится высокая концентрация женских гормонов. Unterhalten sich zwei Männer, sagt der eine: Wusstest du schon, dass Bier weibliche Hormone enthält. Nicht?! Die Wissenschaft fand heraus, daß man, wenn man zu viel Bier trinkt, viel Blödsinn redet. Cientistas descobrem que após a fermentação, a cerveja passa por uma transformação química e libera um composto parecido com o hormônio feminino. Deve ser por isso que quando tomamos uma cerveja: — A gente começa a falar demais; — Ri à toa; — E dirige mal. Il est scientifiquement prouvé que n'importe quel alcool contient des hormones féminines: Quand on en boit trop, on parle beaucoup, on dit des conneries et on conduit mal. För en tid sedan föreslog kanadensiska forskare att männen borde se över sin ölkonsumtion. Till grund för detta uttalande låg en undersökning som visar att öl innehåller kvinnliga könshormoner.... "Ich glaube, im Bier sind weibliche Hormone?" "Wie kommst denn da drauf?" "Ganz einfach: Immer wenn ich zuviel davon trinke, kann ich nicht mehr Auto fahren." "Yesterday, scientists revealed that beer contains small traces of female hormones. To prove their theory, the scientists fed 100 men 12 pints of beer and observed that 100% of them gained weight,... CONFIRMADO! CERVEJA TEM HORMONIOS FEMININOS! QUANDO VOCÊ BEBE DEMAIS: VC GASTA MAIS DO QUE TEM. SÓ FALA BESTEIRA. E DIRIJE MAL! Uma pesquisa feita por professores de Cambridge confirma: Todas as bebidas alcoólicas contém hormônio feminino. Sim pois quem bebe demais dirige mal e só fala besteira In bier zitten vrouwelijke hormonen; Hoe meer je drinkt, hoe meer je praat en hoe slechter je gaat rijden. Kaverus totesi toiselle baaritiskillä: Oluessa on pakko olla naishormoneja. Miten niin? toinen kaverus vastasi. Koska aina kun juon liikaa, puhun jonnin joutavia, enkä osaa ajaa autoa. Weten jullie dat er in bier vrouwelijke hormonen zitten? Als je tien glazen bier op hebt, begin je allerlei onzin uit te kramen…en je gaat je overal mee bemoeien.. en je kunt dan ook geen auto meer... Forskere ved Helsedepartementet i Canada foreslo, på bakgrunn av analyser som viser innhold av kvinnelige hormoner i øl, at man skulle gjøre et vitenskapelig forsøk for å avdekke hvordan dette i... Øl En forskning har vist at der er kvindelige hormoner i øl. Det forklare vel, hvorfor mænd er så dumme at høre på efter 6-7 øl? Amerikassa on tehty merkittävä tiedelöytö. Olut sisältää pieniä määriä naishormoneja. Todistaakseen teoriansa tiedemiehet juottivat sadalle miehelle 12 tuopillista olutta kullekin, ja tulokset... Vorige week hebben wetenschappers de resultaten bekend gemaakt van een onderzoek dat aantoont dat bier kleine hoeveelheden vrouwelijke hormonen bevat. Om hun theorie te bewijzen, gaven ze honderd... Im Bier sind weibliche Hormone! Woher weißt du das? Wenn ich mehrere trinke kann ich nicht mehr Autofahren und rede dummes Zeug! ¿ Sabías que la cerveza tiene hormonas femeninas ?,le dice un borracho en un bar a otro. - No te creo. - Si, fijate si tomas demasiado, empiezas a hablar mucho y manejas el auto de lo peor. - Stiati ca berea contine hormoni feminini? - Cum asa!? - Daca bei bere, vorbesti aiurea si Nu stii sa conduci. Dizem que estão colocando hormonio feminino na cerveja, é, porque quando o homem bebe, só fala besteira e dirige muito mal Im Bier sind tatsächlich weibliche Hormone. Wenn ich davon zu viel trinke, labere ich nur noch Stuß und kann nicht mehr Autofahren. There are a lot of female hormones in beer. When I drink five bottles I also can't drive a car and start behaving illogically. Det er nu videnskabeligt bevidst at man bliver mere feminin af at drikke øl! Dette fandt man ud af ved at give 10 mænd 15 øl hver og så observerer deres opførsel: de gik alle op i vægt, kunne ikke...
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