Political Joke

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Discussing the environment with his friend, John asked, “Which of our natural resources do you think will become exhausted first?” “The taxpayer,” replied his friend.

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An Israeli doctor says:
"Medicine in my country is so advanced that we can take a kidney out of one man, put it in another, and have him looking for work in 6 weeks."
A British doctor says:
"That is nothing; we can take a lung out of one person, put it in another, and have him looking for work in 4 weeks."
A Canadian doctor says:
"In my country, medicine is so advanced that we can take half a heart out of one person, put it in another, and have them both looking for work in 2 weeks."
A Nigerian doctor, not to be outdone, says:
"You guys are way behind...... We just took a man with NO brain, made him President, and now the whole country is looking for work.

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Schools have come under pressure recently as large numbers of students have been getting bad exam results. On the plus side pregnancy test results are at an all-time high.

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At election time I know what it must feel like to be a woman with a new boyfriend. Promised everything, then fuскеd left, right, and center, and finally abandoned while you hope the next bloke will be a little better.

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90’s kids won’t get this . . . . .
Social Security benefits.

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1. What does a typical politician and a dress manufacturer have in common?
One skirts the issues, the other issues skirts.
2. What does a torpedo and a kitchen appliance supplier have in common?
One sinks ships, the other ships sinks.
3. What does a phone app and a U-Haul have in common?
One is downloaded, the other is loaded down.
4. What does a balcony and a drunк have in common?
One has an overhang, the other has a hangover.
5. What does a clown hiding in a cake and a son who discovers his dad's
Secret have in common?
One pops out, the other outs pop.

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If increased spending is good for the economy does that mean we can now finally start using monopoly money as legal currency?

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Last night, someone actually jumped the fence of the Presidential Palace.
The Security team eventually caught the person.
The tackling officer said, “I'm sorry, but you have to stay here for all four years, Mr. President.”

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The police say they burn all the wееd they confiscate.
That would explain the doughnuts.

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A man parks his bicycle nearby the Parliament house and walks on.
A police constable stops him and asks, "Why did you park your bicycle here? Don't you know it is a VIP road and all parliamentarians and senators pass from here?"
Man replied, "Don't you worry about it, I locked my bicycle!"

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Two confirmed bachelors sat talking, their conversation drifted from politics to cooking. “I got a cookbook once,” said one, “but I could never do anything with it.” “Too much fancy work in it, eh?” asked the other. “You said it. Every one of the recipes began the same way - Take a clean dish.”

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I is very proud dat I went 2 school in da UK. I fink out of all 17 countries in da world UK is da best.

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A politician died and went to the pearly gates. He peered over the angel's shoulder and saw several clocks. He asked the angel what the clocks represented. The angels told him the hands of the clock only move when someone is lying.
The man saw George Washington's clock on the wall and asked the angel about George's clock. “The hands only moved once. That was the time he lied to his father about the cherry tree.”
Then the man saw the clock that belonged to Abe Lincoln and asked about the hands on his clock. “The hands did not move because he was known as 'Honest Abe.'”
“Where is my clock?”
“Oh, it's in God's office. He is using it as a ceiling fаn."

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Q. Why is President Clinton the greatest president of all time?
A. Because he was always HARD at work.

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Term limits
Limit all politicians to TWO terms!!
One term in office
One term in prison

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I was in the park with my dog and I said to this bloke, “Which way did you vote?”
I voted to leave, ” he replied. With that my dog bit him.
I carried on and I saw a woman, “Which way did you vote? ” I asked. ”
“I voted to leave, ” she said. My dog bit her as well.
As I carried on I met another man, Which way did you vote?” I asked.
“I voted to remain, ” he said. With that my dog bit him.
My dog doesn’t give a fuск about politics.

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There was a strike today at work! After waiting a long time finally someone turned up who actually knows how to play ten-pin bowling!

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Donald Trump has outlined what he will be doing during the first 100 days in office.
Stomp around muttering , ” Fuскing вiтсh, it should have been me ”

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