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Yo mama's so fат that even Barack Obama couldn't afford to take her out to dinner.

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A reporter heard Bush and one of his underlings talking in the hallway: "Mr President, how do we know for sure Iraq has weapons of mass destruction?"
Pres says "You think we’re sтuрid boy?"
"We made copies of all the receipts!"

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Q: What happens when you give Viаgrа to lawyers?
A: They grow taller!

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Hilary Clinton, George Bush, Sarkozy, a boy and a monk were stuck on a plane that is falling fast.
They are 5 but there are only 4 parachutes.
Hilary said "I'm a woman, you cant leave a woman on a plane to die" so she took one and jumped.
Bush said "I'm the smartest in the world, every one needs me" he took one and jumped.
Sarkozy blabbed something in french that no one understood, he took one and jumped.
The monk tells the boy "You take the last parachute, let me die" the boy said
"Why? We can both jump."
"How is that?" said the monk.
The boy replies, "Because the so called smartest man Bush took my school bag and jumped!"

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A minister and lawyer were chatting at a party:
"What do you do if you make a mistake on a case?" the minister asked.
"Try to fix it if it's big; ignore it if it's insignificant," replied the lawyer.
"What do you do?"
The minister replied, "Oh, more or less the same.
Let me give you an example.
The other day I meant to say 'the devil is the father of liars,' but instead I said 'the devil is the father of lawyers,' so I let it go."

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Q: What's the difference between Elvis and a smart Liberal?
A: Elvis has been sighted.

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Two politician are having lunch together, all of a sudden one stood up and shouted, "Your lying."
The other replied, "I know but just hear me out."

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Why do men want to vote for a female President?
Because we'd only have to pay her half as much.

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If you give three liberals a light bulb what would happen?
The first one would say its causing global warming.
The second one would say its racist.
The third one would say its not a light bulb unless Obama says let there be light.

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Q: What' is Hillary Clinton favorite movies?
A: Кill BILL 1 and 2.

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Do you remember how everyone was trying to кill Osama Bin Laden?
Well, since all of our presidents seem to get shot, why we just didn't make Bin Laden president.

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Q: What is the difference between a dogs аss and liberals?
A: Nancy Pelosi won't kiss a dogs аss!

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Q: What do you call a snake who works for the government?
A: A civil serpent.

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Chuck Norris doesn't run for President; the President runs for Vice God Chuck Norris.

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Q: In what way are Democrats more generous than Republicans?
A: Unlike Republicans, Democrats are not only generous with their own money, but also with other people's money.

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The government recently noticed that it had too many generals in the army and offered an early retirement bonus.
They promised any general who retired right away, his full annual benefits plus $10,000 for every inch measured in a straight line along the retiring general's body between any two points he chose.
The first general accepted. He asked the pension man to measure from the top of his head to the tip of his toes 6 feet.
He walked out with a check for $720,000.
The second general asked them to measure from the tip of his outstretched hands to his toes 8 feet.
He walked away with a check $960,000.
When the third general was asked where to measure, he told the pension man, "from my index finger of the left foot to the thumb, that's it."
The pension man said that would be fine but "My God!" he said, "where is your thumb?!"
The general replied, "Back in Iraq!"

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Q: What kind of celebration pays down the national debt?
A: A tea party.

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Have you heard of the new Obama happy meal at Mcdonalds?
It comes with a promise that you'll get a toy someday.

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