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Why is chris brown last name brown? cuz he is racist

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“You spend far too much time on that fuскing computer.”
Possibly a bit harsh, but as one of Stephen Hawking’s closest friends, I felt someone had to tell him.

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When you combine "Red Dawn" with "Blue Velvet," do you get "Purple Rain"?

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There once was a man called Hawking,
Who got very bored of walking,
He got on a scooter,
Attached a computer,
And now it does all of the talking.

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I hate the auto-correct feature on my phone.
Every time I try to type ‘сunт’ it changes it to Jose Mourinho.

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If you think Justin bieber is a gаy, rетаrdеd little girl, rate kickass.

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When Bruce Jenner was asked why he has become a woman he replied,
“Have you seen how much money those slаg daughters of mine make? ”

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What’s the difference between Pete Burns and Schrodinger’s cat?
Schrodinger’s cat is dead AND alive.

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Wayne Rooney being gored to death by a mythological creature...
Now that's Fantasy Football.

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What do you call two or more Brittany Spears's in a box?
A box of Но-Но's

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If you think your life is bad, just remember that Stevie Wonder will never ever see Jennifer Lawrence’s leaked nudes.

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It’s cruel that people make fun of the way Stephen Hawking talks.
I use one of those voice boxes myself and can synthesise with him.

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“Fuскing hеll, I’ve only been in prison a short while and look how much my grass has grown.”
“Stop dicking around, Oscar, put your legs back on.”

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Police have removed a large amount of material from a house belonging to Cliff Richard.
Fingers crossed it’s just child роrn and not new music.

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W hy does Hillary want to have sеx with Bill every day at 5 am?
She wants to make sure that she is the first lady.

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My missus once baked a cake so dark and rich that one of the Kardashians wanted to marry it.

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What do you get if you hold a twenty pound note between your сhin and your chest?
A good impression of Stephen Hawking at a sтriр club.

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What’s the difference between Oscar Pistorius and George Michael?
Oscar Pistorius has only been arrested once for firing off a few rounds in a toilet.

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