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Chuck Norris once gave a man an apple.
Today that man is known as Steve Jobs.
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Yo Mama's so fат, she makes Johana Hill look superbad at gaining weight.
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Steven Spielberg was busy discussing his new action adventure about famous classical composers.
Bruce Willis, Sylvester Stallone and Arnold Schwarzenegger were in the room.
"Who do you want to play?" Spielberg asked Bruce Willis.
"I've always been a big fаn of Chopin," said Bruce.
"I'll play him."
"And you, Sylvester?" asked Spielberg.
"Mozart's the one for me!" said Sly.
"And what about you?" Spielberg asked Arnold Schwarzenegger.
"I'll be Bach," said Arnie.
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To Boldly Go...
Q: Why did Captain Kirk рiss on the roof of the Enterprise?
A: To boldly go where no man has gone before.
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Ο Πινόκιο.
Πώς κατάλαβε ο πινόκιο ότι ήταν φτιαγμένος από ξύλο;
¿Cuándo se dio cuenta Pinocho que era de madera?.
Comment Pinocchio a-t-il su qu'il était en bois ? Quand il s'est branlé, il a pris feu.
Quando Pinocchio si è accorto che era fatto di legno? - Quando la mano destra gli prese fuoco!
Кога Пинокио разбрал, че е направен от дърво? - Когато дясната му ръка се запалила!
Sabem como o pinóquio descobriu que o pênis dele era de madeira? Ele foi se masturbar e pegou fogo.
- ¿Cómo se dió cuenta pinocho que era de madera? - Cuando se masturvó y se prendió fuego... jajajajajajajaja
Q: How did Pinocchio find out he had a wooden d**k?
A: His hand caught on fire.
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Chuck Norris was once on Celebrity Wheel of Fortune and was the first to spin. The next 29 minutes of the show consisted of everyone standing around awkwardly, waiting for the wheel to stop.
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Baby, baby, baby ooh!
Mom: *walks in* Are you listening to Justin Bieber?
Daughter: No, I'm watching роrn.
Mom: Oh, thank goodness.
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In "I Am Legend", Will Smith survived alone for years. 24 hours after a woman shows up, he dies. AND that girl stole his bacon.
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Волшебни прозори
Ο ξενος
Το πένθος...
Ο σουπερμάν μεθυσμένος
C'est une femme qui vient de larguer son mec
На 3000-хилядния етаж на Емпайърстейт бюлдинг, в едно заведение, стои силно почерпен човек и до него сяда младеж на около 20 години.
Un mec ivre entre dans un bar, en haut d'une tour de 20 étages. Un habitué bourré lui dit :
A lady walks into a bar and sees a really cute guy sitting at the counter. She goes over and asks him what he is drinking.
This guy walks into a bar on the top of a very tall building. He sits down, orders a huge beer, chugs it, walks over to the window, and jumps out. Five minutes later, the guy walks into the bar again, orders another huge beer, chugs it, walks over to the window, and jumps out again. Five minutes...
Kommt ein Mann zu einer Feier im 99. Stockwerk eines Wolkenkratzers. Dort trifft er einen Mann der sagt: "Die Scwingungen dieses Gebäudes sind so gut, wenn Du da aus dem Fenster springst, stopptst du kurz bevor du aufkommst. Und dann fliegst Du wieder hoch." - "Blödsinn! Dann mach doch mal!"...
This guy goes up to a bar located at the top of the Empire State Building in New York. It looks like a nice place, and he takes a seat at the bar. “This is a nice place. I’ve never been here before,” he says to the guy next to him. “Oh, really?” the other replies. “It is a nice place. It’s also...
Un hombre entra a un bar situado en la azotea de un hotel y se sienta junto a otro tipo. - «¿Qué estás bebiendo?» Le pregunta al hombre que tiene a su lado.-«Cerveza mágica», contesta el otro.-«¿Si? ¿Y qué tiene de mágica? Entonces el otro se gira, da un trago a su cerveza, se tira al vacío y...
Eine Bar auf einem Hochhaus, 2 Männer sitzen nebeneinander, sagt der eine zum anderen: "Weißt du was, man kann hier vom Dach hinunterspringen, ohne dass einem etwas passiert!" Der zweite: "Das...
Det var en gång en amerikan som satt i en bar längst upp i Empire State Building. Då kom det in en norrman och satte sig bredvid amerikanen. Då sa amerikanen: - Jag har kommit på att om man hoppar...
Er zitten twee mannen op een dak, zegt de een tegen de ander: "Ik spring hier vanaf en als ik boven de grond ben en mijn handen wapper kom ik rustig neer." "Dat geloof ik niet!" zegt de andere...
Dois bêbados estavam num desses bares nas coberturas dos prédios. De repente, um falou para o outro: — Você sabia que este prédio tem uma peculiaridade muito interessante? Se eu pular daqui, existe...
Un borracho que se encontraba en un bar le dice a otro borracho: Yo puedo brincar de la azotea de este edificio y rebotar. El otro borracho le dice que se lo muestre, así es que suben a la azotea y...
En man kommer in i baren högst upp i en skyskrapa, går direkt fram till bardisken och beställer en dubbel vodka utan is. När han svept drinken dunkar han huvudet tre gånger i bardisken, går fram...
Dos borrachos reunidos en un bar ubicado en un penthouse, están mirando por el balcón hacia abajo. Le dice el uno al otro:¡Compadre esto está muy alto! ¡sí, compadre, demasiado alto! Hagamos una...
Een man loopt een cafe bovenop een wolkenkrabber binnen, bestelt een biertje en gaat zitten. Naast hem zit een man die opstaat, in het raam gaat staan en eruit springt. Even later komt hij gewoon...
Sitzen zwei Männer in einer Bar im Hochhaus. Da sagt der eine zu dem anderen: "Wetten wir, das ich, wenn ich einen Spezialdrink nehme aus dem Fenster springen kann und im ersten Stock anhalten und...
Mannen kom in på krogen högst upp på hotellet. Han beställde en dubbel wodka, svepte den, dunkade huvudet 3 gånger i bordet och hoppade ut genom fönstret. Efter ett tag kom han in igen och gjorde...
Resulta que una señorita llamada katy(una dama de compañía) llega a una de esas fiestas para gente de mucho nivel y dinero, en el último piso de un gran hotel. Luego de un par de vueltas divisa a...
Un hombre llega al bar de un gigantezco rascacielos en el último piso. Pide una bebida y le llama la atención un gradulón borracho cerca de él. Mientras lo observa el hombre se tira por la ventana...
A guy sits at a bar in a skyscraper restaurant high above the city. He slams a shot of tequila, goes over to the window and jumps out. The guy sitting next to him can’t believe what he just saw....
A guy goes onto a rooftop bar, and is sitting next to a guy who says he’s drinking a magical drink. He asks “What’s so magical about it?” the guy drives a car and flies it around the rooftop. the...
A man walks into a sky scraper bar and takes a shot of tequila and jumps out of a window. An on looker watch’s this and is scared but what scared him most is when the same man who jumped cane back...
So, a guy walks into a bar, and he tells the bartender, “After this last drink, I’m going to the roof to kill myself.” A guy sitting next to him says, “I wouldn’t do that if I were you.”, in which...
Sitzen zwei Typen am Tresen in einer Kneipe oben im 8ten Stock. Meint der eine:“Du, ich zeig dir mal was ganz Verrücktes!“ Sprichts, steigt aufs Fensterbrett, springt ab, flattert eine Runde durch...
Siamo a New York, e un tizio si butta giu' da un grattacielo, piroetta un paio di volte, svolazza a destra e a sinistra, ed infine atterra precisamente. Un passante vedendolo gli chiede - Ehi, ma...
A man walks into a bar on the top floor of a skyscraper. He sits down and orders a beer. After taking a drink he sees the guy next to him go over to the window and jump out! "Holy cow! Did you...
Egy Manhatteni toronyház felső szintjén lévő bárban két férfi iszogat a bárpultnál egymás mellett. Sorra isszák a whiskeyket, mire az egyik meszólítja a másikat: - Ezt 10 whiskey után bárki...
Dette finner sted i en skyskraper i New York. I toppen av denne skyskraperen ligger en bar, og opp til denne baren går en heis. En dag kommer det en mann inn i baren, går bort til disken og...
Postávají dva ožralové na střeše mrakodrapu a jeden říká: „Podívej, jak jsme vysoko. Teď když skočím dolů, nic se mi nestane, protože je to takový tlak, že mě to vynese.” Druhý chlap na něj...
Spring fra skyskrabere Se i USA har de jo mange skyskrabere. På sådan en helt almindelig skyskraber med mange andre skyskrabere omkring, havde de en Roof-Top bar. To mænd står i baren og drikker....
Two men are sitting in a restaurant bar at the top of a skyscraper. After each had a few drinks, one says to the other, ”I bet you didn’t know about the updrafts between these skyscrapers. They are...
Τρείς μεθυσμένοι, ανεβασμένοι στην κορυφή ενός ουρανοξύστη, κοιτάνε το έδαφος 600 μέτρα κάτω και ξαφνικά λέει ο ένας: - Ρε παιδιά, αισθάνομαι τόσο καλά που νομίζω ότι θα πετάξω. Δίνει λοιπόν μια...
So a blonde walks into a Bar at a hotel that has it on the top story and sits Down. A man in a Trench coat Leans over to her and says,"You should get this вееr" *Holds up bottle* "It allows you to do amazing things!"
At this the man stands up, jumps out the window and Flies around twice before coming back into the Building. The blonde then orders the Same вееr. She drinks it. And then Jumps out the window. And falls to her death.
The Owner of the Bar then turns to the man in the coat and says, "You know you're a real Рriск when you're drunк, Superman."
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Is Snoop serious? Or is Snoop Lion?
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Why does Rick Ross rap about cars when he cant fit in them.
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Bill Clinton walks out on to his front porch, and written in urinе was "The president must go."
Bill Clinton storms into his office and demaned to know who did it.
So his two body guards run out to find out who it was.
Five hours later the two gaurds come back in, they told Bill, "We have some bad news, and we have worse news."
"What is the bad news?" asked Bill.
"Well, the bad news is, we took a urinе test, and it was his vice-president, Al Gore."
"Whats the worst news?" asked Bill.
"The worst news is that it is Hillary's hand writing!"
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When Chuck Norris talks, E.F. Hutton listens.
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Usain Bolt only began running when he heard, Chuck Norris was in Jamaica shooting a commercial for Red Bull.
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Brett Favre can throw a football over 50 yards.
Chuck Norris can throw Brett Favre even further.
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Q: Why are E.T.'s eyes so big?
A: He saw the phone bill.
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Chuck Norris and Justin Bieber once had a singing contest, the loser had to never hit puberty.
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Freddy Krueger has nightmares of Chuck Norris
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