Programmers and Programming Jokes, Computer science jokes, Codding jokes

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Yo mama is so sтuрid that she bought curtains for her computer just because it had Windows.

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What's an extroverted IT professional?
One who looks at your shoes while he's talking to you, instead of his own.

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I would love to change the world, but they won't give me the source code.

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Two programmers after work, talking in a pub:
"You will never believe me when I tell you what happened to me yesterday. I met a very nice blonde in a bar."
- And what did you do ?
"I invited her to my place, we had some drinks and then the girl asked me to undress her."
"Are you kidding me ? And what did you do then?"
"I got her blouse and her dress off and then i got her to sit on my office, right next to my new laptop."
"Oh, you got a new laptop. What model and what are its specifications?"

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3 Database SQL walked into a NoSQL bar.
A little while later they walked out because they couldn't find a table.

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There are 2 types of people in the world. Those that can extrapolate from incomplete data

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A Man from the toilet shouts to his wife :
Darling, darling, do you hear me?!!!!
What happened, did you run out of toilet paper?
No, restart the router, please!

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Q: How many Object Oriented programmers does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: None, they send it a message, and it changes itself.

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My software never has bugs.
It just develops random features.

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Computer users are divided into three types: novice, intermediate and expert.
Novice users: people who are afraid that simply pressing a key might break their computer.
Intermediate users: people who don’t know how to fix their computer after they’ve just pressed a key that broke it.
Expert users: people who break other people’s computers.

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Q: Why did the programmer quit his job?
A: Because he didn't get arrays.

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A new army computer is put through its paces.
An officer types in a question, ‘How far is it from the barrack gate to the armory?’
The computer replies, ‘Seven hundred.’
The officer types, ‘Seven hundred what?’
The computer replies, ‘Seven hundred, sir!’

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Chuck Norris knows the value of NULL, and he can sort by it too.

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A SQL query goes into a bar, walks up to two tables and asks, "Can I join you?"

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What does a network administrator say when he gets back to home from work ?
There’s no place like 127.0.0.1!

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Life is too short to remove USB safely.

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A logician's wife is having a baby. The doctor immediately hands the newborn to the dad.
His wife asks impatiently: "So, is it a boy or a girl" ?
The logician replies: "yes".

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HR manager to job candidate: ‘I see you’ve had no computer training.
Although that qualifies you for upper management, it means you’re under-qualified for our entry level positions.’

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