Grandma writes a letter to one of her sons in South Dakota: ….
….
Dear Son,
….
The other day I went to the local religious book store where I saw a “Honk if you really love Jesus” bumper sticker. I bought it and put it on the back bumper of my car and I’m really glad I did. What an uplifting experience followed! ….
….
I was stopped at the light of a busy intersection, just lost in thought about the Lord, and didn’t notice that the light had changed. That bumper sticker really worked! I found lots of people who love Jesus. Why, the guy behind me started to honk like crazy. He must really love the Lord because pretty soon he leaned out his window and yelled, “Jesus Сhrisт!” as loud as he could. Why, it was like a football game with him shouting, “Go, Jesus Сhrisт, Go”! Everyone else started honking too, so I leaned out my window and waved and smiled to all those loving people.
There must have been a guy from Florida back there because I could hear him yelling something about a sunny beach, and I saw him waving in a funny way with only his middle finger stuck up in the air. I had recently asked your two grandsons what that meant. They kind of squirmed, looked at each other, giggled and told me that it was the Hawaiian good luck sign, so I leaned out the window and gave him the good luck sign back. A couple of the people were so caught up in the joy of the moment that they got out of their cars and were walking towards me. I bet they wanted to pray, but just then I noticed that the light had changed, and I stepped on the gas. It’s a good thing I did, because I was the only car to get across the intersection. I looked back at them standing there. I leaned out the window, gave them a big smile, and held up the Hawaiian Good Luck sign as I drove away.
Praise the Lord for such wonderful folks!
Love ya all,
Grandma
“One day, while a woodcutter was cutting a branch of a tree above a river, his axe fell into the river.
When he cried out, the Lord appeared and asked, “Why are you crying?” The woodcutter replied that his axe has fallen into water, and he needed the axe to make his living. The Lord went down into the water and reappeared with a golden axe. “Is this your axe?” the Lord asked. The woodcutter replied, “No.” The Lord again went down and came up with a silver Axe. “Is this your axe?” the Lord asked. Again, the woodcutter replied, “No.” The Lord went down again and came up with an iron Axe. “Is this your axe?” the Lord asked. The woodcutter replied, “Yes.”
The Lord was pleased with the man’s honesty and gave him all three axes to keep, and the woodcutter went home happy.
Some time later the woodcutter was walking with his wife along the riverbank, and his wife fell into the river. When he cried out, the Lord again appeared and asked him, “Why are you crying?”
“Oh Lord, my wife has fallen into the water!” The Lord went down into the water and came up with ANGELINA JOLIE “Is this your wife?” the Lord asked.. “Yes,” cried the woodcutter.
The Lord was furious. “You lied! That is an untruth!” The woodcutter replied, “Oh, forgive me, my Lord. It is a misunderstanding. You see, if I had said ‘no’ to ANGELINA JOLIE , You would have come up with AISHWARYA RAI. Then if I said ‘no’ to her, you would have come up with my wife . Had I then said ‘yes,’ you would have given me all three. Lord, I am a poor man, and am not able to take care of all three wives, so THAT’S why I said yes to ANGELINA JOLIE .”
MORAL OF THE STORY: Whenever a man lies, it is for a good and honorable reason, and for the benefit of others… 
After getting all of The Pope’s luggage loaded into the limo, (and he doesn’t travel light), the driver notices that the Pope is still standing on the curb.
“Excuse me, Your Holiness,” says the driver, “Would you please take your seat so we can leave?”
“Well, to tell you the truth,” says the Pope, “they never let me drive at the Vatican, and I’d really like to drive today.”
“I’m sorry but I cannot let you do that. I’d lose my job! And what if something should happen?” continues the driver, wishing he’d never gone to work that morning.
“There might be something extra in it for you,” says the Pope.
Reluctantly, the driver gets in the back as the Pope climbs in behind the wheel. The driver quickly regrets his decision when, after exiting the airport, the Pontiff floors it, accelerating the limo to 105 mph.
“Please slow down, Your Holiness!!!” pleads the worried driver, but the Pope keeps the pedal to the metal until they hear sirens.
“Oh, dear God, I’m going to lose my licence,” moans the driver.
The Pope pulls over and rolls down the window as the Police approach, but the policeman takes one look at him, goes back to his motorcycle, and get on the radio.
“I need to talk to the Chief Inspector,” he says to the dispatcher.
The Chief Inspector gets on the radio and the policeman tells him that he’s stopped a limo going a hundred and five.
“So arrest him,” says the Chief. “I don’t think we want to do that, he’s really important,” said the PC.
The Chief exclaimed,” All the more reason!”
“No, I mean really important,” said the PC.
The Chief then asked, “Who’ve you got there, the Mayor?”
Pc:
“Вiggеr.”
Chief:
“Mp?”
Pc:
“Вiggеr.”
“Well,” said the Chief, “Who is it?”
Pc:
“I think it must be God!”
Chief:
“What makes you think it’s God?
Pc:
“He’s got the Pope as a chauffeur!!”