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There was a guy who owned his own business. He sold plastic products to many different companies. One day one of his warehouses burned to the ground. This led to many orders being canceled and a loss of customers. The insurance company was not going to cover the damage. This guy was in real trouble. He could lose everything. …
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Well, the guy decided to see his minister. He said to the minister, “I need help! My warehouse burned to the ground, my product is all gone, my customers are leaving, and I am losing everything!”
The minister told him, “You can find all the answers to your problems in the Bible.”
The guy asked, “Where should I start?”
The minister answered, “If you do not know where to look, just open the book and place your finger on the page, and start right there. Sooner or later you will find your answers.”
Well, A few months later the minister ran into the individual. It was obvious the individual had become very successful. He had a new car, new clothes, several rings and chains.
The guy walks over to the minister and says, “Thank you. The answers I found turned my life around!”
The minister was curious and said, “In what passage did you find your answers?”
The man says, “I did just what you said. I opened the Bible to a spot, looked down, and found my answer staring me right in the face - “Chapter 11.”
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A clergyman was walking down the street when he came upon a group of a few boys about 10 years of age, surrounding a dog. Concerned that the boys were hurting the animal, he went over and asked them what they were doing. …
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One of the boys replied, “This dog is an old neighborhood stray. We take him home with us sometimes, but only one of us can take him home. So we’re having a contest: whichever one of us tells the biggest lie can take him home today.” …
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Of course, the Reverend was shocked. “You boys shouldn’t be having a contest telling lies!” he exclaimed. He then launched into a 10-minute sermon against lying, beginning, “Don’t you boys know it’s a sin to lie?” and ending with, “Why, when I was your age, I never told a lie.”
There was complete silence for about a minute. As the Reverend smiled with satisfaction that he’d gotten through to them, the smallest boy gave a deep sigh. “All right,” he said, “give him the dog.”
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The Mother Superior assigns the three newest nuns the task of painting the foyer of the Church. “Everything you need - paint, drop cloths, paint rollers, roller trays, masking tape - is in the foyer. One last item: Mask all the woodwork and paint carefully. Do not get even a drop of paint on your habits.”
It is a Tuesday in the middle of summer and the heat is stifling. Even more so, as the central air is only turned on for Sunday services and Wednesday worship and choir rehearsal.
The three young nuns confer for a while about the heat and keeping the paint off their garments. One suggests that they sтriр off their habits, and paint in the nudе. They carefully drape their garments over one of the pews and lock the front door of the Church.
In the middle of the project, there comes a knock at the door. “Who is it?” calls one of the nuns.
“The Blind Man,” replies a voice from the other side of the door.
The three nuns look at each other and shrug, and decide that no harm can come from letting a blind man into the Church, so they unlock the door.
“Hey, Nice тiтs, ladies,” says the man, “Now where would the good Father be wantin’ me to install these blinds?”
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There were three nuns driving down a highway one afternoon when they lost control of their car and plunged off a cliff.
They awoke and found themselves standing before the Pearly Gates. St. Peter walked toward them and, after greeting them, told them that they would have to answer one question each before they were admitted to the Kingdom of Heaven.
This made the nuns very nervous. They had never heard of this requirement before. Finally, one nun stepped forward and said, “St. Peter, I’m ready for my question.”
St. Peter replied, “Your question is: Who was the first man on earth?”
The nun breathed a huge sigh of relief, and said, “Oooooooooh, that’s an easy one. Why, it was Adam.”
(And purple lights flashed, bells tolled, and a Heavenly choir of Angels sang as the gates of Heaven opened.)
This was a cause of great relief to the remaining nuns. The second stepped forward without hesitation.
St. Peter said, “And you must tell me who the first woman on earth was.”
Another great sigh of relief, “Oooooooooh, that’s an easy one. Eve,” the nun replied.
(And purple lights flashed, bells tolled, and a Heavenly choir of Angels sang as the gates of Heaven opened.)
The third nun was brimming with excitement. “I’m ready St. Peter!”
St. Peter said, “All right, what was the first thing Eve said to Adam?”
The nun was shocked. “Oooooooooh, that’s a hard one.”
(And purple lights flashed, bells tolled, and a Heavenly choir of Angels sang as the gates of Heaven opened.)
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A tired minister was at home resting, and through the window he saw a woman approaching his door. She was one of those too-talkative people, and he was not anxious to talk with her. He said to his wife, "I'll just duck upstairs and wait until she goes away."
An hour passed, then he tiptoed to the stair landing and listened ... not a sound. He was very pleased, so he started down calling loudly to his wife, "Well, my Dear, did you get rid of that old bore at last?"
The next moment he heard the voice of the same woman, and she couldn't possibly have missed hearing him. Two steps down, he saw them both staring up at him. It seemed truly a crisis moment.
The quick-thinking minister's wife answered, "Yes, Dear, she went away over an hour ago. But Mrs. Jones has come to call in the meantime, and I'm sure you'll be glad to greet her."
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100 Nonnen im Kloster The nuns Три приятелки си говорели за мъжете им. Приятелки си говорят. Първата: Drei Sekretärinnen unterhalten sich darüber LLega una monjita a la oficina de la M.S. y le muestra una condon. Toda indignada Tres monjas se encontraban conversando. La primera monja empezó: - Les cuento que estaba limpiando la habitación del obispo el otro día Tre nunnor diskuterade. Den första nunnan sa Abboten i klostret var illa omtyckt av nunnorna. En dag höll tre nunnor på att städa hans kontor. - Ni får inte säga något Nunnorna på det lokala klostret hade sin dagliga sammankomst. Abbedissan vankade av och an framför de hundra nunnorna med en sällsynt bister min A madre superiora convoca as cem freiras do convento para uma reunião importante. Com a cara fechada Em uma conceituada faculdade de Medicina Abbedissan har samlat alla sina nunnor för att ta upp en viktig sak. - Igår hittade jag en kondom i klostret! 99 nunnor: - Å nej!! 1 nunna: - He Ça se passe dans un convent. La mère supérieur convoque toutes les nonnes afin de leurs parler. - Mes sœurs Num convento moravam 100 freiras e uma madre superiora. Um dia a madre superiora reuniu todas as freiras no pátio e falou: MS: Minhas irmãs La madre superiore di un convento decide di riunire tutte le suore nell'atrio perche' la sera prima e' avvenuto un misfatto. Suora Madre: "Mie consorelle Tre amiche si trovano in Centro per prendere il the e scambiare quattro chiacchiere. La prima dice: “Mio marito mi tradisce. Oramai ne sono sicura. Ho trovato un paio di mutandine di pizzo nella... In einem Kloster gab es 100 Nonnen. Die Obernonne rief eine Versammlung ein. Sie sprach: „Diese Nacht war ein Mann bei uns!“ 99 Nonnen: „NEIN!!?“ Eine Nonne: „HiHiHi“ Die Obernonne: „Und er hat mit... En dag samlade abbedissan alla 100 nunnorna i klostret och sa: - Nu har det hemska hänt Siostra zakonna zwołała zebranie sióstr z jej zakonu. I mówi: - wczoraj w naszym zakonie był mężczyzna! Zakonnice na to: - uuuuuuuuuuuuu... A tylko jedna - hihihi!!! Siostra mówi znów: - znalazłam... 3 nuns are talking and the first nun says La suora Madre: - Abbiamo trovato un un paio di mutande da uomo! Le suore: - OoooHhhh! La suora Madre: - C'era anche un profilattico! Le suore: - OoooHhhh! la suora in fondo: - Hihihihihihi!'... In het klooster zijn er 101 nonnen en 1 pater. De pater roept alle nonnen bij elkaar Rozmawiają trzy zakonnice. Pierwsza mówi: - Któregoś dnia sprzątałam na plebanii i wiecie Matka představená si svolá sestry: „Sestry Üç rahibe bir araya gelmiş pederi çekiştiriyorlarmış. Birinci rahibe: - Geçen gün pederin odasına temizlik için girdim En dag kallade prästen in alla de 100 nunnorna i klostret: - Jag har hittat en kondom i klostret In un convento la suora madre convoca tutte le suore e dice: "Sono state trovate delle mutande da uomo nel convento" E tutte le suore: "Ohhhh" Ed una suora in fondo: "Hiihihih" E ancora la suora... C’est trois femmes en train de prendre le thé un après-midi. La première dit : - Mon mari me trompe Er was is een hoofd non die had iets geweldig te vertellen ze zij tegen de andere 100 nonnen : "Ik heb een condoom gevonden" 99 nonnen zeggen: "Oooooooooooooo.... O" 1 non zegt:hihihihihihi!!!!!dan...
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