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Вицове за училището English Witze über die Schule Chistes sobre la escuela Анекдоты про Школу Blague sur l'école Barzellette sulla Scuola Ανέκδοτα για το σχολείο Вицеви за училиштето Okul fıkraları Анекдоти про Школу Piadas sobre a escola Żarty o szkole Skämt om skolan Grappen over school Vittigheder om skolen Vitser om skolen Kouluvitsit Iskolai viccek Glume despre şcoală Vtipy o škole Anekdotai apie mokyklą Joki par skolu Vicevi o školi
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School Jokes

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- вовочка Баща пита сина си: - Иванчо Kommt Fritzchen am letzten Schultag nach Hause. Fragt der Vater: Father to son after exam: "Let me see your report card." "Warum hast du kein Zeugnis?" Joãozinho chega em casa e diz ao seu pai: — Pai Johnny's father: "Let me see your report card." Johnny: "I don't have it." Johnny's father: "Why not?" Johnny: My friend just borrowed it. He wants to scare his parents." Assim que Joãozinho chega da escola - Gdzie masz świadectwo? - pyta ojciec Jasia. - Pożyczyłem koledze Mutter: "Wo ist dein Zeugnis?" Fritzchen: "Das hab ich einem Freund geborgt. Der will damit seinen Vater erschrecken." Dad: "Can I see your report card Mamma til Per: - Hvor er karakterboka di? - Ole låner den. - Hvorfor det? - For å skremme foreldrene sine. Le père de David s'étonne de ne pas avoir encore reçu le bulletin scolaire de son fils et lui en demande la raison : - Et ton bulletin il est pas encore arrivé? - Si
Dad on the last day of school: So, where’s your school report, my boy?
Tom: Sorry, I’ll bring it a day later.
Dad: Why?
Tom: I borrowed it to Kevin because he wanted to scare his parents.
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Teacher to Paul: “Wake up, Paul! You can’t sleep in class!”
Paul to teacher: “I could actually, it’s just that you’re a bit loud.”
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Pepito le pregunta a su maestra: Maestra - Jaimito
Teacher asks the student: “Why are you so late?!”
Student: “Well I was crossing the road and suddenly it says: 'School ahead, go slowly'!”
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“So what have you been doing at school today, Johnny?”
“I don’t really want to talk about it mom. You’ll see it later on the news, anyways.”
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Teacher tells little Johnny off, “You know very well you can’t sleep in my class, Johnny.”
Johnny admits, “Yes, I know miss. But maybe, if you didn’t speak quite so loud, I could.”
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Разказва мъж в селската кръчма Недавно гостил у дочери. Скоро бях на гости на щерката. Когато и поисках вестник Wife asked her husband to give her the newspaper. Husband: "How backward you are? Technology has developed so much and you are still asking for the newspaper... Take my iPad..." Wife took the iPad and killed the Cockroach. Husband faints. Moral: Whatever the wife asks Jag bad min son om att få tidningen. Han sa att jag måste hänga med i utvecklingen och gav mig sin iPad istället. Inte riktigt vad jag hade tänkt mig
I asked my daughter if she’d seen my newspaper. She told me that newspapers are old school.
She said that people use tablets nowadays and handed me her iPad. The fly didn’t stand a chance.
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mom: What did you learn at school today?
me: Obviously not enough. i have to go back tomorrow
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Roboter Lügendetektor 2018 година. Семейная пара купила робота-воспитателя со встроенным детектором лжи A father buys a lie detector robot that slaps people when they lie. Après sa journée de travail Mamma Lucia torna sempre a casa con gli acquisti più strani O filho chega em casa Un père ramène un robot détecteur de mensonge à la maison Pappan köper en robot med lögndetektor som slår människor när de ljuger. Han bestämmer sig för att testa den vid middagen. – Son var var du idag? – I skolan pappa. Roboten slår sonen. – Ok Isä ostaa valheenpaljastimella varustetun robotin A father buys a lie detector robot that slaps you when you lie . He decides to test it out on his son at supper. “Where were you last night?" "I was at the library.” The robot slaps the son. “OK I... Jantje zijn vader komt op een dag thuis met een robot leugendetector. Speciaal aan de robot is dat als iemand een leugen vertelt de robot die persoon een slag in het gezicht geeft. Die avond komt... Teresa aveva perso la speranza di riuscire a far perdere il vizio al marito Paolo di tornare a casa con gli acquisti più strani. Un giorno tornò a casa con l’ennesimo strano acquisto Un homme rentre de son travail avec un robot détecteur de mensonges. Son fils de 11 ans rentre avec 3 heures de retard de l’école. - Où étais-tu tout ce temps ? demande le père. - J’étais chez un... Vader: "Waar ben je al die tijd gebleven?" Jantje: "Ik was naar de bibliotheek om een spreekbeurt voor te bereiden." De robot rijdt recht naar Jantje en verkoopt hem een oplawaai. Vader: "Jantje Tėtis nusipirko melą nustatantį robotą
A man buys a lie detector robot that slaps people who lie. So he decides to try it out at dinner.
DAD: Son, where were you today during school?
SON: At school *robot slaps son*
SON: Ok, I went to the movies.
DAD: Which one?
SON: Toy Story *robot slaps son again*
SON: Ok, it was A Day with a Роrn Star.
DAD: WHAT?! When I was your age, I didn't even know what роrn was. *Robot slaps dad*
MOM: HAHA!! After all he is your son, *Robot slaps mom*
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"Haha, you failed!"
"Yeah, so did your dad's соndом."
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Nerds phone rings in class.
Cool Guy - Awww, was that your mommy?
Whole class laughs
Nerd Guy - Nope, it was yours.
Whole class is silent ....
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Mum: Why!
Me: Well the teacher pointed the ruler at me and said "at the end of this ruler is a idiот".
Mum: Yeah so
Me: I asked what end.
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Teacher: Where the hеll is your math homework?!
Me: it committed suicide, had too many problems.
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Mom: Go clean your room!
Me: But its MY room.
Mom: And this is MY house.
Me: Then you go clean it.
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Say addicted after everything I say.
drugs.
"addicted"
alcohol.
"addicted"
What hit you in the face last night?
"A diск did"
hahahaha
"f**k you"
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Wie lange Arbeitet ein Lehrer im Jahr? Што вели шефот кога му бараш покачување? - Квоооооо? Искате повишение на заплатата? Ебаси
Teacher: Why did you not study?
Student: A year has 365 days for you to study. After taking away 52 Sundays, there are only 313 days left. There are 50 days in the summer that is way too hot to work so there are only 263 days left. We sleep 8 hours a day, in a year, that counts up to 122 days so now we're left with 141 days. If we fooled around for only 1 hour a day, 15 days are gone, so we are left with 126 days. We spend 2 hours eating each day, 30 days are used in this way in the year, and we are left with 96 days in our year. We spend 1 hour a day speaking to friends and family, that takes away 15 days more and we are left with 81 days. Exams and tests take up at least 35 days in your year, hence you are only left with 46 days. Taking off approximately 40 days of holidays, you are only left with 6 days. Say you are sick for a minimum of 3 days, you're left with 3 days in the year to study! Let's say you only go out for 2 days... You're left with 1 day. But that 1 day is your birthday.
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Me: "Dude, I got my first kiss!"
Friend: "Your mom doesnt count."
me: "Ya, but yours does."
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Fат person: Im not fат, being overweight just runs in my family.
Me: Вiтсh please, If ANYONE ran in your family you wouldnt have this problem
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Boy:
But ваве, I'm not ready to meet your family yet
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