School jokes, Teacher Jokes

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There was this boy in high school that was what you would consider a nerd.
Anyway he had his own lab in the basement of his home and one night he came up and said “Dad look what I made.”
So he poured a flask of fluid into a рот of soil and instantly grass started to grow.
Of course his dad was really impressed with this and asked his son if he can make something to make his ‘you know what’ grow.
His son thought for a minute and said that if he did then dad would have to buy him a convertable.
Dad agreed.
The next month the son came out of the basement and gave his dad a vial.
Two days after that, his father came to him and told him that he had something to show him. They went to the front yard and the boy saw a cherry red Ferrari.
The son looked at his dad and said “I only asked for a convertable.”
The dad replied “the convertable is in the garage. The Ferrari is from your mother.”
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A teacher told her young class to ask their parents for a family story with a moral at the end of it, and to return the next day to tell their stories.
In the classroom the next day, Joe gave his example first, "My dad is a farmer and we have chickens. One day we were taking lots of eggs to market in a basket on the front seat of the truck when we hit a big bump in the road; the basket fell off the seat and all the eggs broke. The moral of the story is not to put all your eggs in one basket."
"Very good," said the teacher.
Next, Mary said,
"We are farmers too. We had twenty eggs waiting to hatch, but when they did we only got ten chicks. The moral of this story is not to count your chickens before they're hatched."
"Very good," said the teacher again, very pleased with the response so far.
Next it was Barney's turn to tell his story. "My dad told me this story about my Aunt Karen. Aunt Karen was a flight engineer in the war and her plane got hit. She had to bail out over enemy territory and all she had was a bottle of whisky, a machine gun and a machete."
"Go on," said the teacher, intrigued.
"Aunt Karen drank the whisky on the way down to prepare herself; then she landed right in the middle of a hundred enemy soldiers. She killed seventy of them with the machine gun until she ran out of bullets. Then she killed twenty more with the machete till the blade broke. And then she killed the last ten with her bare hands."
"Good heavens," said the horrified teacher, "What did your father say was the moral of that frightening story?"
"Stay away from Aunt Karen when she's been drinking."
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One day these two fine southern ladies were sittin' on the front porch having some iced tea. One of the women sticks out her hand for the other woman to see, and in her long southern drawl says "Look at this ring my husband gave me. Isn't it nice?"
To which the other woman replies,
"Oh that's nice, that's real nice."
The first woman then says , "And just last month he took me on one of them Caribbean cruises."
The second woman again replies,
"Oh that's nice, that's real nice."
"Well sweetheart doesn't your husband ever buy you nice things or send you nice places?"
"Oh", the second woman responds, "When we first got married he did send me to etiquette school."
"Why'd he do that?" the first woman asks.
To which the second fine southern woman replies,
"Well you see, before, when someone told me about the jeweler their husband gave them, or the trips he sent her on, I would have just said I don't give a сrар, but now I say that's nice, that's real nice."
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