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Вицове за училището English Witze über die Schule Chistes sobre la escuela Анекдоты про Школу Blague sur l'école Barzellette sulla Scuola Ανέκδοτα για το σχολείο Вицеви за училиштето Okul fıkraları Анекдоти про Школу Piadas sobre a escola Żarty o szkole Skämt om skolan Grappen over school Vittigheder om skolen Vitser om skolen Kouluvitsit Iskolai viccek Glume despre şcoală Vtipy o škole Anekdotai apie mokyklą Joki par skolu Vicevi o školi
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School Jokes

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Дядо към внука си: Joãozinho estava passeando com o avô pela pracinha
- Kid, see, your teacher is coming. You better hide, you're absent today.
- Granpa. Not me but you. I told her that you are died...
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I stopped understanding math when the alphabet decided to get involved.
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Teacher: “Who do you think invented dancing, children?”
Little Johnny: “My guess is a big Irish family with just one bathroom.”
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A student at a management school came up to a pretty girl and hugged her without any warning.
The surprised girl said, “What was that?”
The guy smiled at her, “Direct marketing!”
The girl slapped him soundly.
“What was that?!” said the boy, holding his cheek.
“Customer feedback.”
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“Mommy, they told me at school that I have gigantic feet.”
“Let’s talk about this later. Now put your shoes in the garage and wash your hands, dinner is ready.”
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Клиент пие уиски в пияно бар и разговаря със сервитьора:
Two teenagers, Fred and Joe, meet after school and Fred is all excited:
“Man I was at the most awesome party this weekend! We went to this dude’s house and guy had toilets made of pure gold!”
“No way!”
“Yes way,” insists Fred, “come with me and check it out for yourself if you don’t believe me.”
Twenty minutes later they’re ringing the doorbell at the place. A middle-aged lady opens and Fred eagerly asks her, “Hi! I’m sorry to bother you but there was a party at your house yesterday and my friend doesn’t believe that you have toilet bowls of pure gold!”
The lady looks at him for a moment and then yells into the inside of the house, “Roger, the pig that shiт in your trombone is here!”
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Q: What is the longest word in the English language?
A: Smiles. There’s a whole mile between the two Ss.
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Сине стани!!! Late for School Το σχολείο мама будит вовочку: - вовочка Една обикновена сутрин: Σχολείο - Ставай за училище! "Ich will nicht in die Schule! " De manhã A mom calls out to her son "Harry! Wake up! You'll be late for school." Early one morning a mother went to wake up her son. "Wake up Streitgespräch am Morgen: "Ich geh nicht in die Schule!" "Doch Mutter möchte den Sohn wecken: "Du Paulchen Hallo meine lieben Witzeschreiber und Witzeleser - Jeg vil ikke på skolen i dag Reggel van. Az anya kelti a fiát. - Fiam Un día le dice un hijo a su mamá..... Mamá no quiero ir a la escuela Reggel az anya ébreszti a gyerekét: - Kelj fel De Manhã
Mother is waking her son: “Paulie, come, wake up, you have to go to school.”
“Aw mom, just a bit more sleep, please.”
“No, it’s really high time, now get up.”
“But I don’t want to. The children annoy me and the teachers are a complete pain!”
“Stop it, now. Get up and off to school with you!”
“Mom, give me two good reasons why I should go to the sтuрid school.”
“Paulie, first of all, you’re 45, and second, you’re the headmaster.”
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- вовочка Баща пита сина си: - Иванчо Kommt Fritzchen am letzten Schultag nach Hause. Fragt der Vater: Father to son after exam: "Let me see your report card." "Warum hast du kein Zeugnis?" Joãozinho chega em casa e diz ao seu pai: — Pai Johnny's father: "Let me see your report card." Johnny: "I don't have it." Johnny's father: "Why not?" Johnny: My friend just borrowed it. He wants to scare his parents." Assim que Joãozinho chega da escola - Gdzie masz świadectwo? - pyta ojciec Jasia. - Pożyczyłem koledze Mutter: "Wo ist dein Zeugnis?" Fritzchen: "Das hab ich einem Freund geborgt. Der will damit seinen Vater erschrecken." Dad: "Can I see your report card Mamma til Per: - Hvor er karakterboka di? - Ole låner den. - Hvorfor det? - For å skremme foreldrene sine. Le père de David s'étonne de ne pas avoir encore reçu le bulletin scolaire de son fils et lui en demande la raison : - Et ton bulletin il est pas encore arrivé? - Si
Dad on the last day of school: So, where’s your school report, my boy?
Tom: Sorry, I’ll bring it a day later.
Dad: Why?
Tom: I borrowed it to Kevin because he wanted to scare his parents.
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Teacher to Paul: “Wake up, Paul! You can’t sleep in class!”
Paul to teacher: “I could actually, it’s just that you’re a bit loud.”
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- Jaimito Pepito le pregunta a su maestra: Maestra
Teacher asks the student: “Why are you so late?!”
Student: “Well I was crossing the road and suddenly it says: 'School ahead, go slowly'!”
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Teacher: "Why are you praying in class little Johnny?”
Little Johnny: “My mom taught me to always pray before going to sleep."
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Teacher tells little Johnny off, “You know very well you can’t sleep in my class, Johnny.”
Johnny admits, “Yes, I know miss. But maybe, if you didn’t speak quite so loud, I could.”
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Разказва мъж в селската кръчма Недавно гостил у дочери. Скоро бях на гости на щерката. Когато и поисках вестник Wife asked her husband to give her the newspaper. Husband: "How backward you are? Technology has developed so much and you are still asking for the newspaper... Take my iPad..." Wife took the iPad and killed the Cockroach. Husband faints. Moral: Whatever the wife asks Jag bad min son om att få tidningen. Han sa att jag måste hänga med i utvecklingen och gav mig sin iPad istället. Inte riktigt vad jag hade tänkt mig
I asked my daughter if she’d seen my newspaper. She told me that newspapers are old school.
She said that people use tablets nowadays and handed me her iPad. The fly didn’t stand a chance.
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mom: What did you learn at school today?
me: Obviously not enough. i have to go back tomorrow
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Roboter Lügendetektor 2018 година. Семейная пара купила робота-воспитателя со встроенным детектором лжи A father buys a lie detector robot that slaps people when they lie. Après sa journée de travail Mamma Lucia torna sempre a casa con gli acquisti più strani O filho chega em casa Un père ramène un robot détecteur de mensonge à la maison Pappan köper en robot med lögndetektor som slår människor när de ljuger. Han bestämmer sig för att testa den vid middagen. – Son var var du idag? – I skolan pappa. Roboten slår sonen. – Ok Isä ostaa valheenpaljastimella varustetun robotin A father buys a lie detector robot that slaps you when you lie . He decides to test it out on his son at supper. “Where were you last night?" "I was at the library.” The robot slaps the son. “OK I... Jantje zijn vader komt op een dag thuis met een robot leugendetector. Speciaal aan de robot is dat als iemand een leugen vertelt de robot die persoon een slag in het gezicht geeft. Die avond komt... Teresa aveva perso la speranza di riuscire a far perdere il vizio al marito Paolo di tornare a casa con gli acquisti più strani. Un giorno tornò a casa con l’ennesimo strano acquisto Un homme rentre de son travail avec un robot détecteur de mensonges. Son fils de 11 ans rentre avec 3 heures de retard de l’école. - Où étais-tu tout ce temps ? demande le père. - J’étais chez un... Vader: "Waar ben je al die tijd gebleven?" Jantje: "Ik was naar de bibliotheek om een spreekbeurt voor te bereiden." De robot rijdt recht naar Jantje en verkoopt hem een oplawaai. Vader: "Jantje Tėtis nusipirko melą nustatantį robotą
A man buys a lie detector robot that slaps people who lie. So he decides to try it out at dinner.
DAD: Son, where were you today during school?
SON: At school *robot slaps son*
SON: Ok, I went to the movies.
DAD: Which one?
SON: Toy Story *robot slaps son again*
SON: Ok, it was A Day with a Роrn Star.
DAD: WHAT?! When I was your age, I didn't even know what роrn was. *Robot slaps dad*
MOM: HAHA!! After all he is your son, *Robot slaps mom*
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"Haha, you failed!"
"Yeah, so did your dad's соndом."
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Nerds phone rings in class.
Cool Guy - Awww, was that your mommy?
Whole class laughs
Nerd Guy - Nope, it was yours.
Whole class is silent ....
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