School Jokes

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Teacher to student: Arnold what is the most popular answer to the teacher's questions?
Arnold: I don't know ma'am.
Teacher: ''Correct!'''

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A little girl came home from school and told her mother that she just found out where babies come from. Her mother said, "Oh really? What were you told?"
The little girl said, "First, Daddy's реnis gets hard, and then, he puts it in Mommy's mouth... ."
Her mother interrupted her and said, "Oh no, honey, that's where jewelry comes from."

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One day a teacher told her students to draw a train on a railway track for homework.
The next day when the teacher started checking everybody's book, she came up to Little Johnny. "Show me the homework," she demanded. Little Johnny showed the teacher his notebook with only a picture of railroad tracks. The teacher asked, "Where is the train?" Little Johnny then replied, "You came late so the train went away."

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A man escaped jail by digging a hole from his jail cell to the outside world. When he was finally done, he emerged in the middle of a preschool playground.
"I'm free, I'm free!" he shouted.
"So what," said a little girl. "I'm four."

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There were three boys in a classroom: one named Zip, one named Diск, and one named Pea. Their teacher leaves the room for a moment, so Zip gets on top of the cupboard, Diск goes inside the cupboard, and Рее jumps around outside.
The teacher returns and yells, "Zip down, Diск out, and Pea in the corner!"

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You're like school in the summertime - no class.

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Stan and John are walking to school one day and Stan is describing his new Playstation 2 to John. "Where did you get that?" John asked "I got it last night for Hanukkah," said Stan. "What''s Hanukkah?" John asked.
"It''s the Jewish holiday where we get presents every night for eight nights to celebrate the festival of lights."
"Wow, I wish we got that!" John exclaimed. The next day on the way to school John runs up to Stan, curious to see what he got. He sees that Stan is upset, "What''s wrong? Where''s your present from last night?" asks John.
Stan holds up a ball of crumpled wrapping paper, "It was leftovers night."

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How can you tell if a redneck is married?
There is tobacco spit stains on BOTH sides of his pickup truck.

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You can tell when you're a Redneck when you walk with your son to school because you're in the same grade.

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At a high school an English teacher is busy with work as a student approaches the teacher and asks when the test final test will be. She tells the whole class and a smart-аss jоск raises his hand. "What if that day I just stayed home because I was sexually exhausted?"
"Well, I guess you'd just have to use your other hand to write with."

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- Kid, see, your teacher is coming. You better hide, you're absent today.
- Granpa. Not me but you. I told her that you are died...

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I stopped understanding math when the alphabet decided to get involved.

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They say you can’t get a decent job without education.
But look at Albert Einstein – he was a drop-out and still ended up being the first man on the moon!

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A student at a management school came up to a pretty girl and hugged her without any warning.
The surprised girl said, “What was that?”
The guy smiled at her, “Direct marketing!”
The girl slapped him soundly.
“What was that?!” said the boy, holding his cheek.
“Customer feedback.”

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“Mommy, they told me at school that I have gigantic feet.”
“Let’s talk about this later. Now put your shoes in the garage and wash your hands, dinner is ready.”

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Two teenagers, Fred and Joe, meet after school and Fred is all excited:
“Man I was at the most awesome party this weekend! We went to this dude’s house and guy had toilets made of pure gold!”
“No way!”
“Yes way,” insists Fred, “come with me and check it out for yourself if you don’t believe me.”
Twenty minutes later they’re ringing the doorbell at the place. A middle-aged lady opens and Fred eagerly asks her, “Hi! I’m sorry to bother you but there was a party at your house yesterday and my friend doesn’t believe that you have toilet bowls of pure gold!”
The lady looks at him for a moment and then yells into the inside of the house, “Roger, the pig that shiт in your trombone is here!”

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Q: What is the longest word in the English language?
A: Smiles. There’s a whole mile between the two Ss.

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Mother is waking her son: “Paulie, come, wake up, you have to go to school.”
“Aw mom, just a bit more sleep, please.”
“No, it’s really high time, now get up.”
“But I don’t want to. The children annoy me and the teachers are a complete pain!”
“Stop it, now. Get up and off to school with you!”
“Mom, give me two good reasons why I should go to the sтuрid school.”
“Paulie, first of all, you’re 45, and second, you’re the headmaster.”

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