School Jokes

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I can do some things now that I couldn't do when I was 17, like date high school girls.

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In Sunday school little Kathy was drawing a Nativity picture…. There were Mary and Joseph, shepherds and wise men.
“What’s that in the corner Kathy?” asked the teacher.
“That’s their TV, of course,” replied Kathy.

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T-Shirts I OWN: … 70 … …
… …
T-Shirts I WEAR: … 10 … …
… …
T-Shirts I am willing to GIVE AWAY … 0

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A man ordered for a voice automated robot car that does anything he tells it to do correctly without any error. He got the car and started sending it on errands. He became so proud of what the car can do without mistakes.
One day, he wasn’t able to go out, his wife told him to tell the car to go and pick the children from school because she was so tired.
The man agreed and said to the car; Car, go and bring my children from school. The car went and didn’t return in time as expected, they knew something must be wrong.
Several hours later and no car, the man became apprehensive. He dressed up and got ready to lodge a report at the police station. As he and his wife stepped outside they saw the car coming with an overload of children.
The car parked right in front of them and said; “These are your children sir”. In the car was their Landlady’s two daughters, their choir mistress two sons, his wife’s best friend’s daughter, their pastor’s son and their neighbours two sons.
The Wife said; Don’t tell me all these ones are your children?.
The man asked her calmly; Can you tell me why our children are not in the car? …=D

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A man walks into a bar, sits down next to a beautiful woman and says,
" Hi I'm Dave".
She looks at him and says,
"I know Dave, we went to high school together".
He says,
"I would have remembered you from high school."
She says,
"Dave, it's me Richard. I'm a woman now."
Dave looks at her in disbelief, "Wow, well they did a good job! Did it hurt when they gave you those вrеаsт?"
"No, they just gave me some pills to make them grow вiggеr."
"Well did it hurt when they uh, you know, down there?"
"No, its a pretty routine surgery now, just had a little discomfort. I have to tell you the worst pain with the whole thing is when they stuck a vacuum in my ear and suскеd out half of my brain."

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On a Chemistry exam at Midpark High School in Middleburg Heights, Ohio, one question concerned how to clean the floor after a chemical-powder spill.
In detail, I described the liquid I would combine with the powder in order to dissolve it with chemical bonding and electron transfer. I was pleased with my grasp of molecular structure until the exams were handed back. L
Our teacher asked another student to read her answer. She suggested a broom and a dustpan to sweep up the spill -- and got full credit.

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A fifth grader class was on an educational field trip. As they rode along in the school bus, the teacher noticed that one boy was lying facedown in the aisle of the bus with his hands over his eyes.
“Why are you lying in the aisle like that?”
“Well,” said the boy, “if you don’t see anything, you don’t have to write anything.”

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Quite a few people aren’t aware that I studied abroad for a year.
Alas, she didn’t teach me anything I didn’t already know.

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Teacher :
" Which is the best month to study....?"
Student :
" Octembruary."
Teacher :
" Don't be silly. There's no month like that."
Student :
" Exactly.... "

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One day, two little friends were walking home from school and kid #1 said,” I have noticed, in the morning while looking out my window that your father goes to work earlier than my dad, yet they work together... Why is that?" Then kid #2 not having a clear answer, replies "well, he goes early to swing on the gate!"

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My friend's son worked at a fast-food restaurant when he was in high school. One night while he was manning the drive-thru, a customer told him that the intercom wasn't working properly.
My friend's son went about filling the order while a female co-worker fiddled with the intercom.
After making some fixes, she asked,
"Is that okay now?"
"Well, no," the customer replied. "Now you sound like a girl."

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Teacher: What are the four main food groups?
Students: Canned, frozen, instant, and lite.

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Little Johnny goes into school after being absent the previous day.
His teacher demands, “Where were you yesterday?”
“I’m sorry Miss, my dad got burnt,” replies Johnny.
“Oh, I’m sorry, I hope it wasn’t serious.” says the teacher.
To which Johnny replies, “Well, they don’t fсuк about at the crematorium, Miss.”

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I'm reaching my sеxuаl peak here, tonight. It's really kind of sad, though, because women reach it at 35 and men reach it at 18. It's really depressing because now I have to drive past high schools to find guys in their sеxuаl peak.

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The math teacher was giving a lesson on fractions and wrote an example on the chalkboard. He explained that the numerator was the top and the denominator was the bottom. Leaning against the board, he asked the class, "Are there any questions?"
When he turned back to face the board, laughter filled the room. "Mr. Alexander," one student giggled, "you have chalk dust all over your denominator!"

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A boy goes up to a girl during school and asked if she would like to go over his house after school and she said yes then the boy said that they would have to use code because I share a bunk bed with my little brother and he thinks we are making sandwiches so for harder u say tomato and for faster u say is cheese so they go to his house latter on add she says tomato tomato cheese cheese hen the little brother asked if they could stop making sandwitches because they are getting mayo all over him bed

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Son, “Dad I’ve got a part in the school play.
I play a man who’s been married 25 years”
Dad “Maybe next time you’ll get a speaking part Son”

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There was this boy in high school that was what you would consider a nerd.
Anyway he had his own lab in the basement of his home and one night he came up and said “Dad look what I made.”
So he poured a flask of fluid into a рот of soil and instantly grass started to grow.
Of course his dad was really impressed with this and asked his son if he can make something to make his ‘you know what’ grow.
His son thought for a minute and said that if he did then dad would have to buy him a convertable.
Dad agreed.
The next month the son came out of the basement and gave his dad a vial.
Two days after that, his father came to him and told him that he had something to show him. They went to the front yard and the boy saw a cherry red Ferrari.
The son looked at his dad and said “I only asked for a convertable.”
The dad replied “the convertable is in the garage. The Ferrari is from your mother.”

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