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Вицове за училището English Witze über die Schule Chistes sobre la escuela Анекдоты про Школу Blague sur l'école Barzellette sulla Scuola Ανέκδοτα για το σχολείο Вицеви за училиштето Okul fıkraları Анекдоти про Школу Piadas sobre a escola Żarty o szkole Skämt om skolan Grappen over school Vittigheder om skolen Vitser om skolen Kouluvitsit Iskolai viccek Glume despre şcoală Vtipy o škole Anekdotai apie mokyklą Joki par skolu Vicevi o školi
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School Jokes

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Gun control
Barack Obama was at a rural elementary school assembly in East Texas, and asked the audience for total quiet. Then, in the silence, he started to slowly clap his hands once every few seconds, holding the audience in total silence.
Then he said into the microphone, ‘Children, every time I clap my hands together, a child in America dies from gun violence.’
Then, little Richard Earl , with a proud East Texas drawl, pierced the quiet and said:
“Well, dumb-аss, stop clapping!”
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Two Hillbillies meet after an English exam:
Ey' how was the paper?
Oh it was just great, but I forgot the past tense of "THINK". I thought and thought for a long time, finally I just wrote "THUNK"
Ha ha ha, you are very silly, I thought about that for a while but I know the answer is "Thonk"
And what about the past tense of "Write"
Mmmm, I don't remember what i wrote on that one, I think I wrote "Written"
Well, let's hope you are right, I did not bother with the past tense of "GO", I just wrote "GOED" and went to submit my paper.
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Teacher:
“why are you always late for school?”
Student:
“ because you always ring the веll before I get here!
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It doesn't matter if school doesn't teach us how to get a job or how to raise a family. At least I know the whole periodic table of elements!
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Why don’t the Alabama cheerleaders ever play hide and seek? …
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Nobody wants to look for them.
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The Father, passing thru the son’s college town late one night on a business trip, thought he would pay a surprise visit to the boy.
Arriving at the fraternity house, he knocked on the door.
After several minutes of knocking, a sleepy voice drifted down from a second floor window. “Whaddya freakin’ want?”
“Does Jimmy Duncan live here?” asked the father.
“Yeah!” replied the voice. “Dump his dumb аrsе on the front porch and we’ll take care of him in the morning.”
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My wife was trying to be sеxy last night.
She lay on the bed licking a lollipop then she slowly started to slide it in her fаnny.
“Steady on love” I said “You’re going to need that when you cross the kids over the road for school in the morning
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She's so fат that she ran down the street chasing a yellow school bus thinkg it was the largest twinkey ever.
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A mom and dad were worried about their son not wanting to learn math at the school he was in, so they decided to send him to a Catholic school.
After the first day of school, their son comes racing into the house, goes straight into his room and slams the door shut.
Mom and dad are a little worried about this and go to his room to see if he is okay. They find him sitting at his desk doing his homework.
The boy keeps doing that for the rest of the year. At the end of the year the son brings home his report card and gives it to his mom and dad.
Looking at it they see under math an A+.
Mom and dad are very happy and ask the son, “What changed your mind about learning math?”
The son looked at mom and dad and said, “Well, on the first day when I walked into the classroom, I saw a guy nailed to the plus sign at the back of the room behind the teacher’s desk and I knew they meant business.”
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The teacher wrote on the blackboard, “I ain’t had no fun all summer.”
“Now Paul,” she said. “What shall I do to correct this?”
“Get a boy friend.” Paul replied.
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A young male virgin, a shy college freshman, was lucky enough to have a roommate who was considerably more experienced with the opposite sеx. When the bashful boy broke down and explained his predicament, his roommate offered to set him up with the campus flооzy. “Just take her out to dinner and a show, and then let nature take its course,” he explained. “This girl really knows how to go from there.” The roommate arranged the date as promised, and the freshman took the coed out for a delightful evening of dining and dancing. On the way home, he parked his car in a dark lane, broke out in shakes and a cold sweat and blurted out:
“God, I sure would like to have a little рussy.”
“I would, too,” the girl sighed. “Mine’s the size of a bucket!”
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A n instructor was sitting in his office one afternoon when an attractive, sеxy-looking lady knocked on his door.
Yes?, he replied, how may I help you? The lady said “I need to talk to you about my grade in your class.”
“Come in and have a seat,” said the instructor.
Is there anything I can do to get an “A” in your class?
“What do you mean by *anything*,” he replied.
She said “Anything!”
Anything??
She said, in her best sultry voice “I mean ANYTHING.”
The instructor got up from behind his desk, sat down beside her and whispered in her ear, “Would you study?”
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Republicans are the true snowflakes… …
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They’re white, they’re cold, and if you put enough of ’em together they’ll shut down public schools.
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There was a question in my Biology test which asked us to, “Draw the female reproductive оrgаn.”
As the exam was progressing, I saw a girl look between her legs,
So I shouted at the top of my lungs, “Sir, she’s copying!”
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A schoolteacher asked her primary six class to construct sentences with the words: defeat, detail, defense.
There was a pause before a pupil raised his hand and said he could make a sentence with them; "The соw jumped over defense and detail went over defeat."
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“How many people on The Titanic died?” asked my teacher.
“All of them,” I said. “It happened over a hundred years ago.”
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Grandpa: boy, how many miles do you walk to school?
Boy: about a half mile.
Grandpa: when I was your age I walked eight miles to school every day. Boy, what are your grades like?
Boy: they are mostly B's.
Grandpa: when I was your age I got all A's. Boy, have you ever gotten into a fight?
Boy: only two times and the boy beat me up.
Grandpa: When I was your age I was in a fight every day. Boy, how old are you?
Boy: 9 years old.
Grandpa: when I was your age I was 11
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A gossiping girl student asked another about the hot story, “Do you know why the Lady English Teacher slapped George left and right today?”
The other replied, “Ya, Lady English Teacher insisted that students should ask a question no matter how dumb it is.”
She continued, ” So George stood up, pointed his two fingers at the teacher and asked ‘Why is Вrа singular when it holds two in it’ and then pointing one finger at the teacher he asked again ‘And Раnтiеs is plural when it holds only one.”
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