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Вицове за училището English Witze über die Schule Chistes sobre la escuela Анекдоты про Школу Blague sur l'école Barzellette sulla Scuola Ανέκδοτα για το σχολείο Вицеви за училиштето Okul fıkraları Анекдоти про Школу Piadas sobre a escola Żarty o szkole Skämt om skolan Grappen over school Vittigheder om skolen Vitser om skolen Kouluvitsit Iskolai viccek Glume despre şcoală Vtipy o škole Anekdotai apie mokyklą Joki par skolu Vicevi o školi
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School Jokes

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It makes me wonder whether or not there are some old school pedophiles who don't have computers, and they sit around and tell the new pedophiles how easy they got it. 'You know, when I was a young man, there was no Internet. You wanted to meet an eighth grade boy, you put on a clown suit and tracked them down at birthday parties. You couldn't e-mail them like today, you lazy ваsтаrds. And if you wanted to see a picture of a man having sеx with a squirrel, well let me just tell you something -- you couldn't just download it, you had to take the picture yourself.'
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I told my girlfriend I love the schoolgirl fantasy.
So, on my birthday, she came into the room in a tartan skirt, white stockings and a tight unbuttoned shirt.
As she tried to sеduсе me, I stopped her and said, “Seriously: it’s my fuскing birthday and you can’t even find me a real schoolgirl?”
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I hate it when I see an OLD person and then realize we went to school together.
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As a kid, parent-teacher conferences were embarrassing and awkward for me and my parents. My teacher made my parents write on the blackboard one hundred times, "We will not have any more children."
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Down here on the school track, a man has been shot with a starting pistol… …
…
The police are pretty sure it’s race related.
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A high school girl, seated next to a famous astronomer at a dinner party, struck up a conversation with him by asking, “What do you do in life?”
He replied, “I study astronomy.”
“Dear me,” said the girl. “I finished astronomy last year.”
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When I was at school there were no laptops, tablets, i phones or anything else like that.
We had to get by with just stealing tiffin money.
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This little boy was walking to school when he found a frog. He picked the frog up and went to school. When he got to school, he sat the frog up on his desk and his teacher freaked out. "What is that?????” she asked him. "It's a deaf frog, Ma'am", answered the little boy. "What, what, what??? How do you know it is a deaf frog???” screamed the teacher. "I рissеd in his ear and he didn't move", said the boy truthfully. "What, what, what, what do you mean you рissеd in his ear and he didn't move????” she asked in an outrage. "Just like I said, I leaned over, I went PSSSSTTTT, in his ear and he didn't move!"
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End of the year essay: In this school, I learned...
Friendship
Unity
Compassion
Kindness
Thanking
History
Imagination
Society
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I asked my grandma what health problems ran in our family, for a school project.
She said she couldn't really think of any.
"So you've been pretty healthy all your life?" I asked.
"Yep." she replied contentedly.
"So you've never been bed ridden?" I went on.
"Lord yes, hundreds of times, and once in a buggy!"
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Bruno came home from school crying in hysterics. Looking at the bruises all
Over his face, it was apparent he got into some trouble.
"What happened to you?" his father says in a panicky manner.
"You remember the other day you told me 'Sticks and stones may break my
Bones, but words will never harm me.'"
"Of course," the father replies.
"Well," Bruno says,
"You were right about the sticks and stones."
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You don’t appreciate a lot of stuff in school until you get older.
Little things, like being spanked every day by a middle aged woman.
Stuff you pay good money for in later life.
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Why are these kids bringing all these guns to school? And the parents never know:
'Oh, we had no idea. We didn't know.' How could you not know that your kids are making 30 pipe bombs in the garage? My dad knew if I broke wind in the backyard.
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Don’t eat turkey sandwiches, no matter what ! !
A little boy and a little girl attended the same school and became friends.
Every day they would sit together to eat their lunch. They discovered that
They both brought turkey sandwiches every day! This went on all through
The fourth and fifth grades, until one day he noticed that her sandwich
Wasn’t a turkey sandwich.
He said, ‘Hey, how come you’re not eating turkey, don’t you like it anymore?’
She said ‘I love it but I have to stop eating it.’
‘Why?’ he asked.
She pointed to her lap and said ‘Cause I’m starting to grow little
Feathers down there!’
‘Let me see’ he said.
‘Okay’ and she showed him. He looked and said, ‘That’s right. You are! Better
Not eat any more turkey.’
He kept eating his turkey sandwiches until one day he brought a peanut
Butter sandwich instead. He said to the little girl, ‘I have to stop eating turkey
Sandwiches, I’m starting to get feathers down there too!’ She asked if she
Could look, so he showed her!
She said, ‘Oh, my God, it’s too late for you!
You’ve already got the NECK and Giblets!!
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As long as there are tests, there will be prayer in schools.
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A school teacher injured his back and had to wear a plaster cast around the upper part of his body. It fit under his shirt and was not noticeable at all. On the first day of the term, still with the cast under his shirt, he found himself assigned to the toughest students in school. Walking confidently into the rowdy classroom, he opened the window as wide as possible and then busied himself with desk work. When a strong breeze made his tie flap, he took the desk stapler and stapled the tie to his chest. He had no trouble with discipline that term.
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I had just hung up my phone on the train this morning when I got a tap on the shoulder, “Excuse me,” said a teenage girl dressed in her school uniform, “I wonder if you could settle an argument for us? Me and my friend just overheard your phone ringing and I’m pretty sure it was Beyonce, but my friend is adamant it was Rihanna…”
I said, “You’re both wrong, it was my mum.”
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Have you finished your chores?
I had to stay after school and talk to my teacher.
Once again, have you finished your chores?
My teacher said I have selective hearing.
Please don’t change the subject, did you take out the trash like I asked?
Oh, I thought you said Billy had to take it out this week.
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