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Вицове за училището English Witze über die Schule Chistes sobre la escuela Анекдоты про Школу Blague sur l'école Barzellette sulla Scuola Ανέκδοτα για το σχολείο Вицеви за училиштето Okul fıkraları Анекдоти про Школу Piadas sobre a escola Żarty o szkole Skämt om skolan Grappen over school Vittigheder om skolen Vitser om skolen Kouluvitsit Iskolai viccek Glume despre şcoală Vtipy o škole Anekdotai apie mokyklą Joki par skolu Vicevi o školi
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School Jokes

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At New York's Kennedy airport today, an individual, later discovered to be a public school teacher, was arrested trying to board a flight while in possession of a ruler, a protractor, a setsquare, a slide rule, and a calculator.
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A police officer stopped a car on the highway and went up to the driver. He saw the man, and said:
"You've just won $1000 for wearing a seat belt! What are you going to do with your prize money?"
The man thought, and said back:
"Maybe go to the driving school and get my licence!"
His wife told the cop:
"Don't listen to him, he's a sмаrтаss when he's drunк".
All of this talking made a passenger in the back of the car wake up, and he blurted out:
"I knew we wouldn't get far in this stolen car. Why didn't you change the number plate?"
A knock emerged from the trunk of the car, and the person in the trunk said:
"Are we at the border yet?"
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A police car pulled me over near the high school where I teach. As the officer asked for my license and registration, my students began to drive past. Some honked their horns, others hooted, and still others stopped to admonish me for speeding.
Finally the officer asked me if I was a teacher at the school, and I told him I was.
"I think you've paid your debt to society," he said with a smile, and left without giving me a ticket.
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Ozzie came home from school with a black eye and cut lips. His mother sighed deeply, “Oh, Ozzie, you’ve been in another fight.”
“But, Mom,” sniffled Ozzie, “I was just keeping a little boy from being beaten up by a вiggеr boy.”
‘Well,” said Mom, “that was brave. Who was the little boy?”
“Me, Mommy.”
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Joe: When I would wear my hand-me-downs to school, all the boys would make fun of me.
Moe: What did you do?
Joe: I hit them over the head with my purse.
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The old pastor made it a practice to visit the parish school one day a week. He walked into the 4th grade class, where the children were studying the states, and asked them how many states they could name.
They came up with about 40 names. He jokingly told them that in his day students knew the names of all the states. One lad raised his hand and said,
"Yes, but in those days there were only 13."
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Our professor was great, man, because he would say, 'In Zen, the beauty is in the contradiction. You try by not trying. You succeed by not succeeding.' So, I took the final exam by not going. Of course, I failed by not passing, too.
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Son:Mum i got suspended today
Mum: Why?!!
Son: It was pajama day at school today
Mum: So?!?!
Son: I sleep naked
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As an instructor in driver education at the local area High School, I've learned that even the brightest students can become flustered behind the wheel. One day I had three beginners in the car, each scheduled to drive for 30 minutes.
When the first student had completed her time, I asked her to change places with one of the others. Gripping the wheel tightly and staring straight ahead, she asked in a shaky voice, "Should I stop the car first?"
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The school floor is so dirтy that I feel like I'm walking on the beach, there’s sand, вееr cans, dead fish, and beached whales.
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I'd be the only dad keeping his kids home from school to teach me how to get to the next level on a video game.
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My grandmother, 86 years old, just entered medical school. She's a cadaver, and she is living death to the fullest.
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Johnny entered class and was surprised by a pop quiz for which he was not prepared.
He answered all ten questions with, "Only God knows."
Grade: God 100 - Johnny 0
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A boy walks into the school nurse's office.
Nurse: Why are you here?
Boy: I’m sick
Nurse: sick of what?
Boy: The teacher
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An old, conservative school teacher was teaching her primary class Sеx Education.
She began by saying, in her nicest voice, “Now, boys and girls, you might find this all a little confusing at first but, please, feel free to ask any questions.”
Little Billy raised his hand, “Miss, I’m confused already!”
His teacher, in a calm and understanding voice, replied, “Well, that’s natural - what is confusing you, little boy?”
“Well,” said little Billy “Why the fсuк do they call it a ‘вlоw’ job, when all she does is suск?”
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When I was growing up, I had a Jewish friend. After school I hung out with him at his house two or three days a week.
His family was very frugal and they weren’t very religious. On 
Hanukkah, his mother had their Menorah on a dimmer.
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Would you send your son to a school run by someone who insisted on being called "Headmaster?"
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Teacher to a student:
"Can you think of a solution to end unemployment?"
"Yes, sir! I'd put all the men on one island and the women on another."
"And what would they be doing then?"
"Building boats!"
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