At Cambridge University, a bright young student showed up for the exam and asked the proctor to bring him cakes and ale.
Proctor: I beg your pardon?
Student: Sir, I request that you bring me cakes and ale.
Proctor: Sorry, no.
Student: Sir, I really must insist. I request and require that you bring me cakes and ale.
At this point, the student produced a copy of the four hundred-year-old Laws of Cambridge, written in Latin and still nominally in effect, and pointed to the section that read (roughly translated):
"Gentlemen sitting in examinations may request and require cakes and ale."
Pepsi and hamburgers were judged the modern equivalent, and the student sat there, writing his examination and happily eating and slurping away.
Three weeks later, the student was fined five pounds for not wearing a sword to the examination.
Four southern ladies were sitting around having Вlооdy Marys and talking about how much their husbands loved them. The first one says,
"My husband loves me so much that he bought me a diamond ring." But, of course, she was in such a hurry she forgot her rings, but all the women still said,
"Oh, how nice." The second woman says,
"Well, my husband loves me so much he got me a fur coat." But it was the middle of July and too hot to wear a coat, but still all the ladies said,
"Oh, how nice." So then the third woman says,
"Well, my husband loves me so much he bought me a Mercedes-Benz." And, of course, she was being chauffeured in the family Buick." So they all looked at the fourth woman and said,
"Well, honey, how much does your husband love you?" She replied, "He loves me so much that he bought me lesson to a charm school so I could learn to say 'Oh, how nice' instead of sarcastically saying 'Oh, ya, right' after everything you ladies say."
A fifth grader looked downcast, so her teacher asked. “What’s the problem Carol? I hope it’s not homework again.”
“Well, uh, yes, it is,” replied Carol “I was sтuрid and made my homework paper into a paper airplane.”
“Carol, you’re right, that wasn’t a very bright thing to do,” said the teacher, “but his once I’ll let your just unfold the paper and hand it in.”
“Oh, but that won’t work,” said Carol, looking even sadder. “You see, the plane was hijacked
Two southern ladies are sitting at the country club by the pool. The first southern lady says,
"When I had my first child, my husband bought me a diamond ring." The second lady says,
"Well, isn't that nice."
The first lady says,
"When my second child was born, my husband took me on a cruise." The second lady says,"well isn't that nice The first lady continues, "When my third child was born, my husband took me on a trip around the world." And the second lady says, once again, "Well, isn't that nice."
The first lady asks, "Well, what did your husband get you when your first child was born?" The second lady repiles, "My husband sent me to finishing school." The first lady asks, "Well why did he do that?" And the second lady says,
"So I could learn to say ‘Well isn't that nice,’ instead of ‘F**K YOU’!"