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Old People Jokes
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I like to play chess with old people in the park.
Although I will admit that it is difficult to round up 32 of them and get them to play in costume.
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The 200m sprint world record for 100+ years old people has been improved today!
It is now 163m.
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What do you call a match-making service for realy old people?
"Carbon-Dating"
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A couple in an old people’s home we’re having an argument, Margaret found out Egbert had been cheating. Egbert did love a hаndjов.
Margaret said to Egbert ‘What does Dorothy have that I don’t?
Egbert replied ‘Parkinsons’.
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Old people love
My grandma rubbed butter on granddad's feet when he was ill. He went downhill fast after that.
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What kid of music do old people listen to?
Hip-Pop
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When Amy Schumer was growing up and she told people that she wanted to be a comedian, people laughed at her.
No one is laughing now.
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Why do you see a lot more old people attending church than you see young people?
Cramming for the final.
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Why do we give mud baths to old people?
To get them used to dirt.
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What do kids yell at old people who are just trying to play?
Get off my lan!
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Why do old people love golf?
It’s all about getting the least strokes
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Why do old people like golf?
Just like in their life, the goal is to get the least amount of strokes before you go in the hole
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My grandpa said I’m too reliant on technology… so I screamed that he was a hypocrite and I unplugged his life support…
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I want to die in my sleep, like grandpa did, not screaming and crying like the people on the bus he drove.
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It want to die like my grandpa, with a blindfold and a wet sponge on his head
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A mom gave her son “the talk”. her son replies "wait so there really isn’t candy involved? Guess Grandpa lied.
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Little Johnny walks in on his grandfather smoking a cigar.
“May I smoke a cigar?” Asks Johnny.
The grandpa replies “Well, does your diск touch your аsshоlе?”
Johnny replied “No.” and left the room.
The next day Johnny sees his Grandpa getting into a car.
“Can I drive the car?” Asks Johnny.
“Does your diск touch your аsshоlе?”
“No.”
The day after that, Granpa sees Johnny about to eat a cookie.
“Johnny, may I have some of your cookie?” Asked the grandpa.
“Does your diск touch your аsshоlе, grandpa?”
“Yep.”
“Then go fuск yourself, this is my cookie.”
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When a family friend passed away, my granddaughter took her three-year-old son to visit the widow. As they approached the front door, she whispered to the boy, “Make sure to tell her how sorry you are.”
He whispered back, “Why? I didn’t кill him.”
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