A man had been married to his wife for twenty years. As time had passed, his sеx life had naturally deteriorated but now it was starting to get him down. No longer could he make his wife оrgаsм.
One day, the man decided to do something about it so he went to see his doctor. The doctor suggested he add a little romance back into the relationship - a nice meal, candles, mood music and the like. The man was skeptical but, that evening, he gave it a shot. He really pulled out all the stops but, when he came to the bedroom, there was again no action from the wife.
He went back to see the doctor the next day. The doctor was disappointed the trick hadn’t worked but told the man not to worry. The doctor suggested he try again but this time get a young Adonis-like man to stand beside them and waft them with a towel. At first, the man didn’t like the sound of it, but the doctor persuaded him to give it a go. He found a number for a male еsсоrт agency and arranged for their top man to come around that evening. All was going to plan but, when they came down to business, there was still no climaxing, no matter how much the young man waved the towel. Now, as you can imagine, this was starting to rile the man no end. He stormed back to the doctor. The doctor was obviously mortified that it hadn’t worked so he suggested the man repeat the trick but perhaps this time he swaps roles with the еsсоrт. The man was at his wit’s end so gave it one last try.
That evening, the man cooked his wife a fantastic meal. Shortly after they had finished, the еsсоrт arrived and they headed up to the bedroom. The man took up his position with the towel while his wife and the еsсоrт got down to business. Sure enough, within minutes his wife was groaning and writhing with ecstasy. The man was clearly satisfied with his work, so he lent over and whispered in the еsсоrт’s ear, “You see mate, that’s how you wave a fсuкing towel!”
This is a story about the girl that didn't know what cursing was. It was Thanksgiving evening and the young girl was sleeping in her bedroom and she heard her parents having sеx in the next bedroom over. She hears the dad say, "oh honey I love your luscious тiтs" and she hears the mom say, "oh baby I love your slim diск". So the next morning, the daughter walks up to the dad and says, "Hey dad, what are luscious тiтs?" the dad panics and says, "It's a fine coat". She then walks up to the mom and says, "Hey mom, what's a slim diск?". The mom panics and says, "It's a pair of boots". Later on that day, everybody's getting ready for the Holiday. The girl walks past the bathroom and sees her dad shaving. He cuts himself on the cheek and shouts, "Shiт!". The daughter then asks,"What does shiт mean" and the dad replies, "I'm shaving right now sweety". The girl walks into the kitchen and sees her mom trying to cook the turkey. The mom accidentally drops the turkey and shouts, "Fuск". The daughter then asks, "hey mom, what does fuск mean" and the mom replies, "I'm cooking the turkey sweety". About an hour later friends and family arrive at the door. The girl answers the door and says, "Hello everyone hang up your luscious тiтs and drop your slim diскs, my dad is upstairs shiттing and my mom's f*cking the turkey".
Georgie is walking down the street after a sеx-change operation has transformed him into a beautiful woman.
An old friend sees him and says, “Georgie, you look great… you’re beautiful!”
Georgie says, “Thanks… but holy Сhrisт, did it hurt.”
His friend says, “When they cut open your chest and put in those implants?”
Georgie says, “No, that didn’t really hurt.”
His friend says, “When they cut off your gеniтаls?”
Georgie says, “No, that didn’t really hurt.”
His friend says, “Then what did hurt?”
Georgie says, “When the doctor drilled a hole in my head and suскеd out half my brain!”
One day there was a hippie who got on a bus. The bus was very crowded and the man took a seat next to a young nun. He was very attracted to the nun, because she was surprisingly beautiful.
After getting his courage up, he finally said to the nun “Will you have sеx with me?”
The nun, disgusted, told the bus driver to stop the bus and she got off.
The man was very disappointed and he moved up to the front of the bus to wait for his stop. Seeing that the young hippie was upset, the bus driver decided to help him out.
He said to the young man, “I know that nun. Every night, she goes to the grave yard at 9:00 to pray at the grave of her friend. If you go there and pretend that you are Jesus, there is no way she would turn down God’s request.
Just tell her that you are Jesus and ask her to have sеx with you.” This gave the hippie great hope.
That night, he went to the graveyard, and sure enough, there was the nun. As she kneeled down, he decided to make his move. He walked over to her, dressed in a white robe with a hood and said to the nun “I am Jesus
Christ, will you have sеx with me?” Now, of course the nun could not deny the power of God, so she agreed. “I just have one request,” said the nun, “it has to be аnаl sеx, so I can remain a virgin and continue in my sisterhood.” The disguised hippie agreed and the two had sеx.
When they were done, the man thought that it would be funny to reveal his identity to the nun. He took off his robe, revealing a tye dyed shirt, ripped jeans, and hемр nacklaces. “HA HA!! I’m not Jesus, I’m the hippie!” He exclaimed.
Much to the young man’s surprise, the nun took off her habit, revealing a gray shirt and gray pants. Laughing, she yelled “HA HA! I’m not the nun, I’m the bus driver!”