Sports Jokes

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In a park people come across a man playing chess against a dog.
They were astonished and said:
"What a clever dog!"
But the man protested and replied:
"No, no, he isn't that clever.
I'm leading by three games to one!"

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Two women are talking. ‘You know,’ says one.
‘Eighty per cent of men think the best way to end an argument is to make love.’
‘Well,’ says the other.
‘That will certainly revolutionise the game of hockey!’

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Alex was a sports fаn whose face was always either buried in the sports pages or transfixed by the television screen.
One night as he lay in bed next to his wife watching a football game, she got up, walked across the room and unplugged the TV.
"Hey," Alex shouted, "what do you think you are doing?"
"I’m sick of sports, I’m sick of TV," she replied.
"You haven’t touched me in months.
We’re going to talk about sеx right now!"
"OK, OK.
So," he asked after a moment, "how often do you think Brett Favre gets laid?"

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Why did the basketball player go to jail?
"Because he shot the ball!"

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Yo mama so sтuрid I told her I was going to the Super Bowl and she told me not to forget a spoon.

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It's the 7th game of the Stanley Cup Finals.
At the beginning of the game, a guy sits down in his seat and notices an empty seat and another gentleman next to him.
"Can you believe it?" the man says to the gentleman, "It's game 7 of the Stanley Cup finals and there is actually an empty seat!
What's up with that I wonder!"
The gentleman speaks up and says, "Well, you see the seat belonged to my wife.
We went to the games together."
"Where is your wife? The man asks cautiously.
"She passed away," said the gentleman.
"Oh, I'm sorry, you could not get anyone else to come to the game with you?" said the man.
Said the gentleman with a slight smirk "No, they're all at the funeral."

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A blonde had just gotten a new sports car and was out for a drive when she accidentally cut off a truck driver.
The truck driver motioned for her to pull over.
When she did, he got out of his truck and pulled a piece of chalk from his pocket.
He drew a circle on the side of the road and gruffly commanded to the blonde, "Stand in that circle and DON'T MOVE!"
He then went to her car and cut up her leather seats. When he turned around she had a slight grin on her face.
"Oh you think that's funny?
Watch this!"
He gets a baseball bat out of His truck and breaks every window in her car.
When he turns and looks at her she has a smile on her face.
He is getting really mad.
He gets his knife back out and slices all her tyres.
Now she’s laughing.
The truck driver is really starting to lose it.
He goes back to his truck and gets a can of gas, pours it on her car and sets it on fire.
He turns around and she is laughing so hard she is almost falling over.
"What's so funny?" the truck driver asked the blonde.
She replied, "Every time you weren't looking, I stepped outside the circle."

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A boxer had written on his tombstone:
"You can stop counting.
I'm not getting up."

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Q:How do sport players stay cool in game?
A:They stay in front of some fans!

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Chuck Norris once threw out the first pitch at a NASCAR race.

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A man arrives at the Pearly Gates and St. Peter asks him if he's done any good.
The man says no. So St. Peter asks the man to give an account of his bravery.
The man says, "I was refereeing a match in London between England and Germany.
The score was 0-0 and there was only one more minute of play when I awarded a penalty against England."
"Yes," responds St. Peter, "That was a real act of bravery.
Can you tell me when this took place?"
"Certainly," the man replies.
"About three minutes ago."

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Do I have any chance to win?
Asks the boxer.
Off course!
Continue hitting the air and the adversary will shortly get a lung inflammation.

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Chuck Norris once ran in a movie marathon.... and won.

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Chuck Norris doesn't throw a baseball, it just leaves his hand cowering in fear.

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There was a competition of arm wrestling between Chuck Norris and Superman.
And guess what, the loser had to wear his undiеs over his pants!

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Why did the referee have such a high phone bill?
Because he made to many calls!

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Give a man a fish, and he will eat for a day.
Teach him how to fish, and he will sit in a boat and drink вееr all day.

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Chuck Norris can won the winter Olympics...
In the summer.

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