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Sport-Witze, Sportwitze, Train...
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Schach spielen
A man went to visit a friend and was amazed to find him playing chess with his dog.
Бойко Борисов играел шах с кучето си. Минал Цветанов и казал: - Ех, много ти е умно кучето. ББ-то се намръщи и казал: - Аааа, умно то, 1:1 сме!
Un signore sta percorrendo una strada residenziale, quando vede in un giardino un bambino che gioca a scacchi con un cane. Poiché e
Jaś gra z psem w szachy. - Masz bardzo mądrego psa - komentuje z uznaniem kolega. - Wcale nie jest taki mądry! Ani razu jeszcze nie wygrał.
- Pero, este perro es inteligentísimo, ¡Juega al ajedrez! ¡Vale una fortuna! - No te creas... Le he ganado tres partidas de cinco.
Egymással szemben ül a sakktáblánál egy ember meg egy kutya. Odamegy hozzájuk egy másik ember: - Uram, ez fantasztikus. Ez a kutya tud sakkozni? - Dehogy tud. Én vezetek 3-1-re.
In parc un politist si cainele sau jucau sah. Un trecator mirat de ceea ce vede se adreseaza politistului -D-le, ce caiine destept aveti! Stie sa joace sah! La care politistul raspunde:...
Pe terasa unei cafenele, se petrece de cîtăva vreme o scenă ciudată: un om şi un cîine stau faţă în faţă, avînd între ei o tablă de şah. Mirat, un tip întreabă: - Cum, cîinele dv. ştie cu adevărat...
En mann besøkte sin venn og så forskrekket at vennen spilte sjakk med hunden sin. Han så på en stund, før han utbrøt: - ”Det er den smarteste hunden jeg har sett!” - ”Næh, han er ikke så smart”,...
C’est un gars qui rend visite à son pote. Il le trouve en train de jouer aux échecs avec son chien ! Après avoir retrouvé tous ses esprits ; le gars dit : - « J’en crois pas mes yeux ! C’est le...
Ein Mann spielt Schach mir seinem Hund. Ein zweiter Mann tritt hinzu: "Sie haben aber einen klugen Hund." - "Wieso, er verliert doch immer."
In a park people come across a man playing chess against a dog.
They were astonished and said:
"What a clever dog!"
But the man protested and replied:
"No, no, he isn't that clever.
I'm leading by three games to one!"
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Two women are talking. ‘You know,’ says one.
‘Eighty per cent of men think the best way to end an argument is to make love.’
‘Well,’ says the other.
‘That will certainly revolutionise the game of hockey!’
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Alex was a sports fаn whose face was always either buried in the sports pages or transfixed by the television screen.
One night as he lay in bed next to his wife watching a football game, she got up, walked across the room and unplugged the TV.
"Hey," Alex shouted, "what do you think you are doing?"
"I’m sick of sports, I’m sick of TV," she replied.
"You haven’t touched me in months.
We’re going to talk about sеx right now!"
"OK, OK.
So," he asked after a moment, "how often do you think Brett Favre gets laid?"
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Why did the basketball player go to jail?
"Because he shot the ball!"
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Yo mama so sтuрid I told her I was going to the Super Bowl and she told me not to forget a spoon.
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Светско првенство
Super Bowl
На стадион Уембли се провежда футболния мач на века - националният отбор на Англия срещу отбора на света.
Парень купил билет на Кубок Мира по футболу у сотрудника.
Ein Mann sitzt im eigentlich ausverkauften Stadion des Fußball-WM-Finales in Deutschland und hat neben sich einen leeren Sitz. Irritiert fragt er den Zuschauer auf der anderen Seite des leeren Platzes, ob der Platz jemanden gehöre. "Nein", lautet die Antwort. "Der Sitz ist leer? Aber das ist...
Un avocat fou de football américain avait tout essayé pour obtenir des tickets pour la finale du Superbowl. Il parvint finalement, en payant une somme astronomique, à obtenir deux places côte à...
Een man had tickets voor twee goede plaatsen voor de finale van de Champions League. Terwijl hij daar zit komt een andere man naar beneden en vraagt of het zitje naast hem bezet is. "Neen," zegt de...
There was a Packers fan with a really crappy seat at Lambeau. Looking with his binoculars, he spotted an empty seat on the 50-yard line. Thinking to himself "what a waste" he made his way down to...
änglarna spelade match på Ullevi och det var fullsatt. En man upptäckte att det dock fanns en tom plats intill honom och vände sig till grannen: - Det ser ut att vara någon som fått förhinder. -...
Finał mistrzostw świata. Pełen stadion, na całym stadionie, tylko jedno puste miejsce a obok niego siedzi jakiś samotny facet. Po meczu jeden z kibiców pyta tego faceta: - Czy to wolne miejsce...
Mecz finałowy mistrzostw świata w piłce nożnej. Siedzi facet. Obok niego puste miejsce. Podchodzi do niego inny facet i pyta, czy ktokolwiek siedzi obok niego: - To miejsce jest wolne. -...
It
Dai was watching a Six Nations game in Cardiff. In the packed stadium there was only one empty seat, right next to him. “Whose is that seat?” asked a man in the row behind. “I got the ticket for my...
Pokalspiel gegen Dortmund, der Sportpark ist ausverkauft, nur ein Sitzplatz auf der Tribüne bleibt leer. Der Besitzer der Karte erlaubt einem Zuschauer, der nur eine Stehplatzkarte ergattern...
Um sujeito estava sentado na primeira fila de um daqueles espetáculos majestosos e caríssimos da Broadway onde, normalmente, os ingressos são vendidos com vários meses de antecedência, quando um...
Een man had tickets voor de Gouden Medaille Volleybal wedstrijd te zien op de Olympische Spelen, Op de eerste rij. Als hij gaat zitten, komt een vrouw naar beneden en vraagt of iemand zit in de...
Karel heeft eindelijk zijn kaarten voor de WK finale voetbal in zijn bezit gekregen. Als de wedstrijd begonnen is, vraagt een man achter hem of de plaats naast hem vrij is. "Ja", zegt Karel, "die...
Joãozinho estava em um estádio de futebol lotado quando um cara que estava passando percebeu que só havia um lugar no estádio que não estava vago e que era ao lado dele. Ele não se conteve de...
A man went to the All Stars game with two front row seat tickets. He sat down and then another man asked him if the other chair was taken. The man said " no, it was supposed to be for my wife." The...
Ved næstsidste runde i Superligaen, skal FCK og BIF mødes i Parken. Alle billetter er blevet revet væk. Dagen kommer hvor braget skal spilles, og ved et tilfælde kommer 2 gutter, der kender...
En el partido final de la Copa del mundo un hincha se queda muy extrañado al ver un asiento vacío, así que le pregunta al tipo de al lado: - Oiga, ¿usted sabe qué pasa con ese asiento?. - Sí, es...
En ung mand var virkelig henrykt, da han vandt en billet til Verdensmesterskabet i fodbold imellem Frankrig og Danmark. Hans begejstring kølnedes imidlertid noget, da han fandt ud af, at hans Plads...
Stadio Olimpico. Derby Roma – Lazio. Poco prima della partita, un tizio vede in piedi davanti a sè un posto proprio al centro della tribuna, ancora libero, mentre il suo è quasi dietro un pilone....
Na finálovém zápase SuperBowlu v americkém fotbale sedí chlápek na jednom z nejlepších míst. Na narvaných tribunách se mačká spousta lidí a vedle něj je jedno místo volné. Dalšímu chlápkovi v řadě...
Egy férfi kap egy ingyenjegyet a focibajnokság döntőjére. Sajnos a jegy a stadion legtávolabbi helyére szól, ahonnan semmit sem lát. A félidőben észreveszi, hogy a pályához közel van egy üres szék....
Finalen i fodbold-VM spilles for et udsolgt stadion. Men en tilskuer ser, at sædet ved siden af er tomt. Til manden på den anden side af sædet siger han: - Hvem er så skør at købe billet til...
Stadio. Poco prima della partita, un tizio in piedi vede un bel posto libero, con ottima visuale, proprio al centro della tribuna. Si avvicina e chiede all’uomo seduto a fianco: “Per caso e’ libero...
Két férfi beszélget a színházban. Az előttük lévő szék üres. Mondja az egyik: - Te, ez a jegy olyan drága volt! Nézd meg, valaki van olyan bunkó, hogy el se jön! Azután megszólal az üres szék...
Финале на светско првенство во фудбал. Целиот стадион распродаден уште пред 5 месеци, а Трпе седи до празно место. Приоѓа некој и со чудење го прашува Трпе. - Абе, дечки кој будала не дошол да го...
Marakana puna ko oko, igra se večiti derbi, samo jedna stolica prazna na zapadnoj tribini. Pita gledalac gospodina pored prazne stolice: - Da li možda znate čije je to mesto? - Moje pokojne supruge...
A lawyer trying to get tickets to a Broadway show, finally settled for a couple of seats a year in advance. When the exciting night arrived and he sat down in his seat, a woman in front of the...
There was this man who won a contest and got one free ticket to the Superbowl. He was so happy, but when he got to the stadium and found his seat he was somewhat disappointed. His ticket was for...
A young man was very excited because he just won a ticket to the Super Bowl. His excitement lessened as he realized his seat was in the back of the stadium. As he searched the rows ahead of him for...
John received a free ticket to the Super Bowl. Unfortunately. John
Adam Trabzon
In timpul unui meci de fotbal al echipei nationale tribunele sunt arhipline un singur loc ramanand neocupat. Posesorul biletului ii ofera locul unui spectator care statea in picioare. - Stiti, pe...
Vyriškis ateina į ilgai lauktas pasaulio taurės futbolo varžybas, nusiperka užkandžių, gėrimų, atsisėda į savo vietą. Už jo sėdintis žiūrovas jo paklausia: - Atsiprašau, ar šita vieta šalia Jūsų...
It's the 7th game of the Stanley Cup Finals.
At the beginning of the game, a guy sits down in his seat and notices an empty seat and another gentleman next to him.
"Can you believe it?" the man says to the gentleman, "It's game 7 of the Stanley Cup finals and there is actually an empty seat!
What's up with that I wonder!"
The gentleman speaks up and says, "Well, you see the seat belonged to my wife.
We went to the games together."
"Where is your wife? The man asks cautiously.
"She passed away," said the gentleman.
"Oh, I'm sorry, you could not get anyone else to come to the game with you?" said the man.
Said the gentleman with a slight smirk "No, they're all at the funeral."
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A blonde had just gotten a new sports car and was out for a drive when she accidentally cut off a truck driver.
The truck driver motioned for her to pull over.
When she did, he got out of his truck and pulled a piece of chalk from his pocket.
He drew a circle on the side of the road and gruffly commanded to the blonde, "Stand in that circle and DON'T MOVE!"
He then went to her car and cut up her leather seats. When he turned around she had a slight grin on her face.
"Oh you think that's funny?
Watch this!"
He gets a baseball bat out of His truck and breaks every window in her car.
When he turns and looks at her she has a smile on her face.
He is getting really mad.
He gets his knife back out and slices all her tyres.
Now she’s laughing.
The truck driver is really starting to lose it.
He goes back to his truck and gets a can of gas, pours it on her car and sets it on fire.
He turns around and she is laughing so hard she is almost falling over.
"What's so funny?" the truck driver asked the blonde.
She replied, "Every time you weren't looking, I stepped outside the circle."
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A boxer had written on his tombstone:
"You can stop counting.
I'm not getting up."
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Q:How do sport players stay cool in game?
A:They stay in front of some fans!
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Chuck Norris once threw out the first pitch at a NASCAR race.
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A man arrives at the Pearly Gates and St. Peter asks him if he's done any good.
The man says no. So St. Peter asks the man to give an account of his bravery.
The man says, "I was refereeing a match in London between England and Germany.
The score was 0-0 and there was only one more minute of play when I awarded a penalty against England."
"Yes," responds St. Peter, "That was a real act of bravery.
Can you tell me when this took place?"
"Certainly," the man replies.
"About three minutes ago."
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Do I have any chance to win?
Asks the boxer.
Off course!
Continue hitting the air and the adversary will shortly get a lung inflammation.
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Chuck Norris once ran in a movie marathon.... and won.
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Chuck Norris doesn't throw a baseball, it just leaves his hand cowering in fear.
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There was a competition of arm wrestling between Chuck Norris and Superman.
And guess what, the loser had to wear his undiеs over his pants!
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Why did the referee have such a high phone bill?
Because he made to many calls!
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Give a man a fish, and he will eat for a day.
Teach him how to fish, and he will sit in a boat and drink вееr all day.
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Chuck Norris can won the winter Olympics...
In the summer.
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