Sports Jokes

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Yo' Mama is like a heavyweight boxer: a few licks, a few blows, and she's back to her corner.

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A blonde buys a used sports car. However, during the first joy ride, the engine jerks and the car slows to a stop. The blonde calls a tow truck. The mechanic sets to work, and 10 minutes later, the car is running again.
"What was the matter?" she asks.
"Simple really, just sh*t in the carburetor" he replies.
Taken aback she asks, "Oh, how many times a week do I have to put that in?"

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"Football is a game when 22 big, strong players run around like crazy for two hours while 50,000 people who really need the exercise sit in the stands and watch them."

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Chuck Norris became famous when he coached the American rugby and America won the fifa world cup.

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Coach: Your roommate and the captain of the team reported that you have many bad words for me in your sleep!
So do you abuse me in your sleep!
Football Player: Coach, It is just not true!
Coach: What is not true, I trust the captain and I am asking this in front of him!
Football player: Coach, It is untrue that I was sleeping!

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A father and his son, Bobby, arrive at the local Rugby match and Dad can't find the tickets.
Dad:
"Nip home and see if I left the tickets there."
Bobby:
"No probs, Dad."
Half an hour later Bobby returns to his dad who is patiently waiting outside the stadium.
Bobby:
"Yep, they're on the kitchen table where you left them."

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Light was heard saying to his son, "Keep practicing and one day you will be faster than the speed of Usain."

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Jack:
"What's the name of the fastest dinosaur at the Olympics?"
Jill:
"I haven't a clue. What?"
Jack:
"Prontosaurus."

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Chuck Norris can run a full marathon in just 3 miles.

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A man comes home after his regular Saturday golf game and his wife asks why he doesn't include Joseph in the games anymore.
The husband asks, "Would you want to play with a guy who regularly cheats, swears up a storm over everything, lies about his score, and has nothing good to say about anyone else on the course?"
"Of course I wouldn't," replies the wife.
"Well," says the husband, "neither would Joseph."

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A teacher asks her students if they're Yankees fans. All of the hands go up except for one student.
"Okay, Bobby. What team are you a fаn of?"
"The Red Sox."
"Why's that?"
"Well, my parents are both Red Sox fans, so I'm a Red Sox fаn too."
"That's not a good answer, Bobby. If your parents were both morons, would you be a моrоn too?"
"No, that would make me a Yankees fаn!"

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After football fans in Philadelphia were treated to a particularly excruciating loss earlier in the season, a man phoned a sports-radio talk-show host to say, "Everyone should call in and give one word for that game."
"What's your word?" the host  replied.
"Bored out of my mind," said the caller.

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Two guys are talking about their boss's upcoming wedding.
One bloke says, "It's ridiculous, he's rich, but he's 95 years old, and she's just 24!
What kind of a wedding is that?" The other says, "Well, we have a name for it in my family."
"What do you call it?"
"We call it a football wedding."
The first asks, "What's a football wedding?"
The other says, "She's waiting for him to kick off!"

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Fishing rule #1: The least experienced fisherman always catches the biggest fish.
Fishing rule #2: The worse your line is tangled, the better is the fishing around you.
Fishing rule #3: Fishing will do a lot for a man but it won't make him truthful.

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Oh, you play racquetball?
You must be extremely athletic.

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There was a tragic end to the water polo championships – all the horses drowned.

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An American businessman is on a business trip in Japan and hires a hоокеr.
The whole night, this Japanese hоокеr keeps screaming:
"Hoshimota! Hoshimota!"
He can't quite remember what the word means, but he's sure he's pleased the hоокеr to best of his ability. The next morning, he goes to play a game of golf with his Japanese business partner when he makes a hole-in-one.
Everyone is congratulating him in Japanese and he can't think anything to say but "HOSHIMOTA!"
Concerned, his partner turns to him
"What do you mean it's in the wrong hole?"

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Q:What is the difference between Tiger Woods and Santa Claus?
A:Santa stops after three hos.

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