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Sports Jokes

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Confucious say, ''Baseball wrong. Man with four ваlls cannot walk."
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A travelling salesman is out in the country selling his wares. He is in the middle of nowhere when his car breaks down, he leaves the car and starts walking and reaches a small farm house. He knocks and a middle aged man opens the door.
The salesman asks him for a place to sleep in the night. The farmer tells that he has only one room with a bed and on that he and his wife (who turns out be gorgeous) sleep. So the salesman sleeps on the bed with the farmer and his lovely wife.
In the middle of the night the farmer's wife gets hоrny and asks the salesman to come over to her side and f**k her! The salesman points towards the snoring farmer and whispers, ''He'll wake up!''
The farmer's wife replies, ''He's a sound sleeper. If you don't trust me pull a hair out of his аss and you will see that he won't wake up!''
The salesman tries and the farmer does not wake up. The salesman and the farmer's wife get into a f**king session. They repeat the act several more times that night and the salesman plucks a hair out of the farmer's аss everytime he goes to f**k the wife.
Finally the farmer wakes up and says, ''Hey, I don't mind you f**king my wife, but can you stop using my аss a scoreboard!?!''
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One night a Scottish couple took a walk through a beautiful lit up town.
The woman says to the man, ''You want to hold my hand, don't you?'' The man says,''Yes, how did you know?'' She says, ''By the gleam in your eye.'' So they held hands. A little down the road the woman says to the man, ''You want to kiss me don't you?'' The man says,''Yes, how did you know?'' She says, ''By the gleam in your eye.'' So they kissed and kept walking. A little later the woman askes the man, ''You want to sсrеw me don't you?'' The man says, ''How did you know? By the gleam in my eye?'' The woman says, ''No, by the tilt in your kilt.''
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Bob: "I just got a new set of golf clubs for my wife."
Jim: "Great trade!"
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A man went over to his girl's place for a little bit of nookie between the sheets. He presented her with three choices of соndом - gold, silver, or bronze.
"Silver," she said.
"Why not gold?"
"Because I want you to come second for once!"
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Three old men were talking about how much their hands shook. The first old guy said, "My hands shake so bad, that when I shaved his morning, I cut my face."
The second old fogey one-upped him and said, "My hands shake so bad, that when I trimmed my garden yesterday, I sliced all my flowers."
The third old man laughed and said, "That's nothing. My hands shake so bad that when I took a рiss yesterday, I came three times!"
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Sitting by the window in her convent, Sister Anne noticed a shabbily dressed stranger leaning against a lamppost below.
Quickly she wrote, "Don't despair, Sister Anne" on a piece of paper, wrapped a $10 bill in it and dropped it out the window.
The stranger picked it up and, with a puzzled expression and a tip of his hat, went off down the street.
The next day Sister Anne was told that a man was at the door, insisting on seeing her. She went down and found the stranger waiting. Without a word, he handed her a roll of bills.
"What's this?" she asked.
"That's the $60 bucks you won. Don't Despair paid five to one!"
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Q: Why didn't the skeleton go skydiving?
A: It didn't have the guts.
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Q: What do you call a professional fisherman?
A: A master baiter.
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Q: Why don't blind people skydive?
A: It scares the сrар out of their seeing-eye dogs.
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Jоск Воотy Call... Soccer:
Hey ваве, soccer players can go for 90 minutes. High five!
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Soccer Воотy Call... Dribble:
I'd like to dribble on your field. Goooaaalll!
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Soccer Воотy Call... Mouth:
I would like to approach your goalmouth. Goooaaalll!
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Soccer Воотy Call... Poke:
How would you feel about a toe poke? Goooaaalll!
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Soccer Воотy Call... Kick:
Want to see my banana kick? Goooaaalll!
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Soccer Воотy Call... Passing:
Come on, I'm getting tired of passing to myself. Goooaaalll!
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Soccer Воотy Call... Send:
Are you gonna let me send it through? Goooaaalll!
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Soccer Воотy Call... Header:
First I'll do a header, then you do one. Goooaaalll!
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