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Sports Jokes

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Q: Why didn't the skeleton go skydiving?
A: It didn't have the guts.
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Q: What do you call a professional fisherman?
A: A master baiter.
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Q: Why don't blind people skydive?
A: It scares the сrар out of their seeing-eye dogs.
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Soccer Воотy Call... Dribble:
I'd like to dribble on your field. Goooaaalll!
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Soccer Воотy Call... Skills:
I hear you have good ball handling skills. Goooaaalll!
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Soccer Воотy Call... Mouth:
I would like to approach your goalmouth. Goooaaalll!
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Soccer Воотy Call... Poke:
How would you feel about a toe poke? Goooaaalll!
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Soccer Воотy Call... Kick:
Want to see my banana kick? Goooaaalll!
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Soccer Воотy Call... Passing:
Come on, I'm getting tired of passing to myself. Goooaaalll!
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Soccer Воотy Call... Send:
Are you gonna let me send it through? Goooaaalll!
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Soccer Воотy Call... Header:
First I'll do a header, then you do one. Goooaaalll!
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Soccer Воотy Call... Attacker:
Can I bring a third attacker along? Goooaaalll!
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A southern girl returned home after a summer with her grandparents in Ohio. Her friends asked her what she learned on her trip. "Well, they have these men up there who like other men."
"Ooh. What are they called?"
"They call them gаy."
"What else did you learn?"
"Well, they have these women who like other women."
"Ooh. What are they called?"
"They call them lеsвiаns."
"Did you learn anything else?"
"Yes. They have these men who liск women in their most private parts."
"Ooh. What do they call them?"
"I don't know, but when he was done, I called him 'Precious.'"
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Did you hear the new penalty for speeding in Illinois?
On the first offense, they give you Bears tickets; on the second offense, they make you use them.
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One day Bob and Bubba went fishing.
They were catching a lot of fish so they wanted to figure out how to remember this part if the lake. Bob said, ''I know. I can spit in the water!'' But Bubba said, '' No! How will we know it's your spit?'' They thought and thought and finally Bob said, '' I know. We can draw an 'X' right here on the side of the boat!'' But Bubba said ''No, no, Bob. That won't work! How will we know that we get the same boat next time?''
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Once there was a sреrм named Stanley. When all the other sреrм were just swimming around, Stanley was doing sprints and lifting weights. One day, a sреrм asked him why he was always exercising.
"You see," said Stanley, "when the time comes, I'm gonna be first, you'll see." The other sреrм did not believe him. But one day, they were called to action, and all started swimming. All of a sudden, Stanley turned and went in the other direction.
"Don't do it, boys! It's a ВLОWJОВ!"
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Q: What do you get when you have a basement full of Michigan State fans?
A: A whine cellar.
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A woman at a golf course begins yelling, ''I've been stung by a bee!
'' Her golf instructor asks her where she had been stung. ''Between the first and second hole,'' she replies. The golf instructor tells her, ''Oh, your stance is too wide.''
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