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Вицове за Спорт English Sport-Witze, Sportwitze, Train... Chistes de deportes Анекдоты про Спорт Blague Sportif Barzellette Sport Αθλητικά Αστεία Спорт Spor Fıkraları Анекдоти про Спорт Piadas de Esporte Dowcipy i kawały: Sport Sportskämt Sport moppen Vittigheder om sport, Sportsjo... Sportsvitser Urheiluvitsit Sport viccek, Sportos viccek Glume despre Sport Anekdoty a vtipy o sportu, hok... Sporto juokai Anekdotes par sportu Sportski vicevi
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A pastor, a doctor and an engineer wait for a particularly slow group of golfers. The engineer fumes, "What's with these guys? We've been waiting for 15 minutes!"
The pastor says, "Hey, here comes the groundskeeper. Let's have a word with him."
"Say, George, what's with that group ahead of us? They're rather slow, aren't they?" the doctor asks.
The groundskeeper tells them that the other golfers are a group of blind firefighters who lost their sight saving the clubhouse from a fire and that they come and play for free whenever they want.
The group is silent for a moment.
The pastor says, "That's so sad. I will say a special prayer for them tonight."
The doctor says, "Good idea. I'm going to contact my ophthalmologist buddy and see if there's anything he can do for them."
The engineer says, "Why can't these guys play at night?"
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There was a young country boy who was very bright. In fact he was bright enough to be accepted to Harvard.
One of his first assignments at Harvard was to write a paper on a famous person. He didn't know who he would write about so he decided to go to the library and do some research. But he didn't know where the library was. He saw a professor walking down the hall. He stopped the professor and said to him, "Do you know where the library is at?"
The professor looks at him strangely and says, "Young man, here at Harvard we never end a sentence in a preposistion."
The young man says, "Oh, excuse me. Do you know where the library is at, аsshоlе?"
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Q: Why are baseball players so cool?
A: They always have their fans around.
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Jоск Воотy Call... Foul:
Hey ваве, I'd really like to foul you. High five!
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Jоск Воотy Call... Hole:
Hey ваве, can I take it to the hole? High five!
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Jоск Воотy Call... Defense:
Hey ваве, if you play man-to-man, I'll play zone. High five!
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Jоск Воотy Call... Handler:
Hey ваве, are you a good ball handler? High five!
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George of the Jungle lived all alone.
There was no one to have sеx with him, so instead he sсrеwеd a hole in a tree. One day, he found a woman in the jungle and the call to do the wild thing became too much. Soon they were making out and getting pretty hot and heavy until George kicked the woman in the crotch.
"What did you do that?" she exclaimed.
He replied, "Gotta check for squirrels."
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Un chevalier part en croisade. Auparavant il met une ceinture de chasteté à sa jeune épouse, puis il convoque l Крал Артур се е приготвял за кръстоносен похот. Преди да тръгне, Артур отишъл при най-верния си рицар - Ланселот и му казал: Ein Ritter rüstet zum Kreuzzug und legt seinem Burgfräulein standesgemäß den Keuschheitsgürtel an. Den Schlüssel übergibt er seinem zurückbleibendem Freund. So reitet er davon in die Fremde. A Knight was getting ready for the crusade. Ha turned to his friend and told him: Ήταν ένας ιππότης που ζούσε με τη γυναίκα του και τους υπηρέτες του στο μεγάλο πύργο του. Κάποτε τον κάλεσε ο βασιλιάς να πάρει μέρος σε μια σταυροφορία. Μαζεύει λοιπόν τα πράγματα του, κλειδώνει και τη γυναίκα του με ζώνη αγνότητας και καλεί τον πιο έμπιστο υπηρέτη του και του λέει: - "Σου... Re Artu’ deve partire per la guerra. Preoccupato della fedelta’ di Ginevra si rivolge a mago Merlino. Questi confeziona una speciale cintura di castita’ che chiunque avesse tentato di intromettersi... Ritari oli lähdössä ristiretkelle. Ennen lähtöään hän luovutti uskollisimmalle palvelijalleen avaimen sanoen: - Tämä avain avaa vaimoni siveysvyön. Jos kuulet minun kaatuneen, voit antaa avaimen... Jef ging een wereldreis maken per fiets. Om toch te voorkomen dat zijn vrouw hem ontrouw zou worden doet hij haar een kuisheidsgordel om en sluit die af met een sleutel; De sleutel brengt hij naar... De partida para a guerra, um soldado muito ciumento resolveu colocar um cinto de castidade na esposa, temendo ser traído. — Não é justo, posso morrer na guerra e minha mulher é muito jovem. Já sei,... O Rei Artur estava pronto para ir às Cruzadas e antes de partir, foi ver Merlin e pediu-lhe para que fabricasse o melhor cinto de castidade que pudesse existir, para que nenhum cavaleiro pudesse... Ein Ritter geht auf Kreuzzug und legt seiner Frau den Keuschheitsgürtel an. Nachdenklich, was nun mit seiner Frau geschieht, wenn er stirbt holt er seinen besten Freund zu sich. "Du bist mein... Kyskhedsbæltet Kong Arthur var bekymret for at efterlade dronningen sammen med alle de liderilge riddere, når han tog på rejse, så han opsøgte Merlin for at spørge ham til råds. Han satte Merlin... I de gamle dage, hvor riddere var modige og stolte, skulle en ridder på korstog og kaldte derfor på sin væbner. - “Jeg skal på korstog”, sagde han til væbneren. “Her er nøglen til min kones... La cintura di castità Sir Hector, ricco e potente signore di una contea nei pressi di Londra, riceve nella sala delle udienze del proprio maniero il messo di re Riccardo Cuor di Leone, in procinto... Król Artur szykował się na krucjatę i zawołał jednego ze swoich podwładnych i powiedział: - Tu jest klucz do pasa cnoty mojej żony. Jeśli nie wrócę wciągu 10 lat, możesz go użyć. Jego wysokość...
King Arthur was about to embark on a long crusade.
Before doing so he called to Merlin to devise a cunning chastity belt for Gwenivere. The belt contained a miniture guillotine. Upon his return, he called to his Knights of the Round Table and had them all sтriр from the waist down. One by one, he went to each knight and shook his head, telling all those whose members were missing to get out of his sight. That is until he came up to Lancelot. Seeing that Lancelot was intact, he exclaimed, ''Now I knew I could count on you to be trusted. Name anything at all and it is yours.'' Lancelot replied '' UNGH!UH! UNGH!'''
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There's a fine line between fishing and standing on the shore looking like an idiот.
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There were two little сrавs who met in Florida every year. One year when they arrived, one little crab was shivering terribly. The other crab asked why and he said, "I got a ride here on a man's moustache. He drove so fast, I was freezing."
"Well," the other crab said, "why don't you hide up a lady's skirt next year. Then you won't be as cold."
The little crab said, "Hey, that isn't a bad idea."
A year later, the two сrавs met at the same place, and the one little crab was shivering very badly again. The other crab asked if he had taken his advice and he said, "Yeah, I went and hid up a lady's skirt, but when I woke up in the morning I was on that's guy's moustache again!"
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Q: What is the difference between Liverpool football and a tea bag?
A: The tea bag stays in the cup longer.
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A group of hikers were being led through the wilderness by a guide.
On the third day, the hikers noticed that they had been traveling in circles. ''We're lost!'' One of the hikers complained. ''And you said you were the best guide in the United States.'' ''I am,'' the guide answered, '' but I think we may have wandered into Canada.''
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Q: What did the hockey goalie say to his teammate?
A: "Let's get the puck out of here!"
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The St. Louis Symphony was playing Beethoven's Ninth one night. One bass player said to the other,
"We don't have much to do. Let's go next door for a few drinks."
They stayed for a while and got a little tipsy. One said to the other,
"To give us more time, I tied the pages of the music together, so the conductor will have to untie it when he gets near the end." They staggered back into the auditorium just in time for the finish. The next day when someone asked their friend how the concert was, they replied,
"The most exciting part was at the end of the Ninth when the score was tied and the bassists were loaded."
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Q. What's the similarity between penises and fish?
A. You throw back the small ones, you keep the medium ones, and you mount the large ones.
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What does NASCAR stand for?
Non
Athletic
Sport
Created
Around
Rednecks
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A nun wanted to enter a racehorse into a race, but then she realized that they cost way too much money, so instead, she bought a donkey.
The next day, she enters it into a contest, and it comes in third. The headlines read, ''Nun's Аss Chokes.'' The next day, she entered it in another competition and this time it came in first. The headlines were, ''Nun's Аss Wins Grand Prize.'' The following day, the owner scratched the donkey from the race. The headlines read, ''Booker Scratches Nun's Аss.'' And on the next day, the nun sold the donkey for a really cheap price. The headlines were ''Nun Sells Her Аss for $5.''
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