This guy was driving along a country road. Along the side of the road he sees a sign: "Apples, $5.00 each." So he pulls over to the side of the road and asks the farmer why his apples are so expensive. The farmer says, "Well, these are peanut butter and jelly apples." So the guy buys one. He says, "These apples only taste like jelly, where's the peanut butter?" The farmer says, "Turn the apple over and take a bit of the other side." Sure enough the other side tasted like peanut butter.
So he continues on his way and along the side of the road he sees another sign: "Apples, $20.00 each." So he gets out and asks the farmer why these apples are so expensive. "These are ham and cheese apples," the farmer says. So the guy buys one. The apple only tasted like ham, so he asked the farmer why and he said, "Turn the apple over and you will taste the cheese."
Then he is driving down the road again and he sees another sign: "Apples, $50.00 each." So he asks the farmer, "What's up with these apples being so expensive?" The farmer tells him they are p***y apples. So the guy buys one. He takes a bite into the apple and says "This apple tastes like s**t!" And the farmer says, "Turn it over."
A man strolls into a pharmacy and asks the assistant for some condoms.
She asks, ''What size please?'' ''Good question," he replies, " I'm not sure," ''Tell ya what. Right outside, there's a fence with three holes in it, stick your d**k in the holes and tell me which one it fits in,'' suggests the lady. So he takes her advice, goes outside and puts his d**k in the first hole. A woman walks past, see's his d**k and starts feeling it. The man thinks, ''Hey, this ain't too bad.'' Then he puts his d**k in the second hole, another woman walks by, and gives him a вlоw job. At this point, he is literally blown away. He quickly shoves his d**k in the last hole, and yet another woman walks by, and she starts to shаg him. After they are done rocking, he high-steps it back inside and goes to the counter. The assistant asks ''What size then?'' "Forget the condoms," says the man, "how much for the fence?"
A pastor, a doctor and an engineer wait for a particularly slow group of golfers. The engineer fumes, "What's with these guys? We've been waiting for 15 minutes!"
The pastor says, "Hey, here comes the groundskeeper. Let's have a word with him."
"Say, George, what's with that group ahead of us? They're rather slow, aren't they?" the doctor asks.
The groundskeeper tells them that the other golfers are a group of blind firefighters who lost their sight saving the clubhouse from a fire and that they come and play for free whenever they want.
The group is silent for a moment.
The pastor says, "That's so sad. I will say a special prayer for them tonight."
The doctor says, "Good idea. I'm going to contact my ophthalmologist buddy and see if there's anything he can do for them."
The engineer says, "Why can't these guys play at night?"
