Drunk Jokes, Drinking Jokes, Alcohol Jokes, Alcoholic Jokes, Beer Jokes
An attorney arrived home late, after a very tough day trying to get a stay of execution.
His last minute plea for clemency to the governor had failed and he was feeling worn out and depressed.
As soon as he walked through the door at home, his wife started on him about, ‘What time of night to be getting home is this?
Where have you been? Dinner is cold and I’m not reheating it’. And on and on and on.
Too shattered to play his usual role in this familiar ritual, he poured himself a shot of whiskey and headed off for a long hot soak in the bathtub, pursued by the predictable sarcastic remarks as he dragged himself up the stairs.
While he was in the bath, the phone rang.
The wife answered and was told that her husband’s client, James Wright, had been granted a stay of execution after all. Wright would not be hanged tonight.
Finally realizing what a terrible day he must have had, she decided to go upstairs and give him the good news.
As she opened the bathroom door, she was greeted by the sight of her husband, веnт over nакеd, drying his legs and feet.
‘They’re not hanging Wright tonight,’ she said.
He whirled around and screamed,
‘For the love of god woman, don’t you ever stop?!’
A drunк asked a barman, “Who did you vote for in the last election?”
“None of your business,” the barman answered, “And besides, you never talk politics in a pub.”
“Okay,” said the drunк. “What church do you go to?”
“None of your business,” the barman answered, “And besides, you never talk religion in a pub.”
“Okay,” said the drunк. “Can I talk about sеx?”
“Sure! Sеx is great pub talk!”
“Okay,” said the drunк, “Fсuк you.”