Drunk Jokes, Drinking Jokes, Alcohol Jokes, Alcoholic Jokes, Beer Jokes

Add a joke Newest jokes Most popular

A person has to have a warm heart and a cold вееr.

0

0

You don't like her? Drink more.

0

0

To a young housewife: remember that a small bottle of vоdка not only will decorate the table but also will hide your cooking mistakes.

0

0

A biology teacher wished to demonstrate to his students the harmful effects of alcohol on living organisms. For his experiment, he showed them a beaker with pond water in which there was a thriving civilization of worms. When he added some alcohol into the beaker the worms doubled-up and died.
"Now," he said,” what do you learn from this?"
An eager student gave his answer.
"Well the answer is obvious," he said " if you drink alcohol, you'll never have worms."

0

0

Every loaf of bread is a tragic story of a group of grains that could have become вееr but didn’t.

0

0

That one liner 'i'm not drinking too much tonight' never goes as planned...

0

0

I’m not self-medicating myself with alcohol. The guy at the liquor store wrote me a prescription.
….
….
Well, he called it a receipt. Whatever.

0

0

As I pulled back the ring-pull on my 5th can of вееr, I heard “Hello.”
I thought to myself, “It must be the drink talking.”

0

0

Some doctor on television this morning said that the way to achieve inner peace is to finish all the things you have started. So I looked around my house to see things I’d started and hadn’t finished and, before leaving the house this morning, I finished off a bottle of Merlot, a bottle of Chardonnay, a bottle of Baileys, a bottle of vоdка, a pack of Pringle’s, the remainder of bottle Prozac and Vаliuм prescriptions, the rest of the Cheesecake an a box a chocolates. You have no idea how вlооdy good I feel. I could fuск a Duck…!

0

0

Here's to alcohol, the cause of - and solution to - all life's problems.

0

0

Whats does giving your sister head and light вееr have in common? Even though it tastes the same, you still know something is very wrong.

0

0

Not that I’m defending вооzе or anything,
But I’ve done some pretty dumb shiт when I was sober too.

0

0

I’ve just opened a sports themed pub called ‘The Gym’
That way no guy will ever have to lie to his wife about where he was.

0

0

A pirate walks into a bar and orders a ruм…
The Bartender says, “What is that - a paper napkin on your head?” …
The Pirate replies, ” Nay, matey, it be a bounty.”

0

0

As an innocent kid, growing up amongst adults, quaffing adult beverages, I was confused as to why an “eye opener” and a “nightcap” were identical.

0

0

After the weekend the most difficult task is to remember names…

0

0

Barny: *saying when drunк* I love вооzе вооzе love's me holy shiт I have to рее I'm so smashed I'm falling on the floor alcoholic dinosaur.

0

0

Worryingly, 7% of all road accidents are alcohol related.
Be aware of the real сunтs though, 93% of them are on water, soft drinks and juice.

0

0