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Вицове за Пияни, Алкохол и Алк...
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Пијани луѓе
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We have a Bureau of Alcohol, Tobacco and Firearms. Why'd we put them together? I called them up. 'Bureau of Alcohol, Tobacco and Firearms.' I said, 'Yeah, what bourbon goes with an M-16?'
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Tequila is a good drink: you drink it and you feel like a cactus; the only problem is that in the morning the thorns grow inward.
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I got stopped drink driving last night.
By a tree.
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A bar in London has been named the world’s best bar for the third year in a row.
And if you want to know what it’s like being at the world’s best bar, just keep drinking in the bar you’re at.
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Took a trip to Loch Ness earlier.
“When does the monster appear” i asked the guide.
“After the 8th pint mate” he replied.
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A good samaritan was walking home late one night when he came upon this drunк on the sidewalk.
Wanting to help, he asked the drunк “do you live here?”
“Yep”.
“Would you like me to help you upstairs?”
“Yep”. When they got up on the second floor, the good person asked “Is this your floor?”
“Yep”.
Then the good samaritan got to thinking that maybe he didn’t want to face the man’s irate and tired wife because she may think he was the one who got the man drunк. So, he opened the first door he came to and shoved him through it then went back downstairs. However, when he went back outside, there was another drunк.
So he asked that drunк “Do you live here?”
“Yep”.
“Would you like me to help you upstairs?”
“Yep”. So he did and put him in the same door with the first drunк.
Then went back downstairs. Where, to his surprise, there was another drunк. So he started over to him.
But before he got to him, the drunк staggered over to a policeman and cried “Please officer, protect me from this man.
He’s been doing nothing all night long but taking me upstairs and throwing me down the elevator shaft!
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Beauty is in the eye of the вееr holder.
(Ever notice that the women Are All 10’s at “Last Call?”)
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If you ever feel that your wife is beautiful, has a great figure, is intelligent, gets things done on her own, drives a car well, has very little expectations, is not materialistic and loves you with crazy devotion.
Please understand that the liquor you have consumed is of the best quality.
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Raising children takes a village, preferably one with many vineyards.
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Look at the size of your liver compared to your heart.
You are designed to drink more and care less.
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The good: waking up to find you’re home safe after a wild night out.
The bad: looking in the mirror to find a соск drawn on your face.
The ugly: finding out it was traced.
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I walked into a room full of ladies and they couldn’t stop starring at me.
That’s what happens when you’re рissеd and go to the wrong toilet.
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I once went 12 years without any sеx, drugs or alcohol…
…my GOD, my dad knows how to throw a good 13th birthday party!
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It’s a perfect afternoon for marinated ice cubes!
You can make your marinade from a wide choice of ingredients including:
Scotch or Irish whiskey
Canadian whisky
Bourbon (To be labeled as bourbon whiskey it must be distilled and aged in the USA from USA grain)
Vodka (Preferably something middle shelf or top shelf unless you are on a college kid’s budget)
Rum
Tequila
Jagermeister
Gin
Vermouth
Bitters
Coke
Orange juice
Water or seltzer water
7-Up or lemon-lime carbonated drink
Sliced lemons and limes
Bottoms up!
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The lottery gives you a 1 in 20 billion chance you won’t go to work tomorrow.
Alcohol gives you 1 in 5.
You play your game and I’ll play mine.
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The following is a sampling of REAL answers received on exams given by the California Department of Transportation’s driving school (read “Saturday Traffic School for moving violation offenders.”) ….
….
Do you yield when a blind pedestrian is crossing the road? …
…
What for? He can’t see my license plate. …
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Alcohol doesn’t agree with me … it thinks my wife is attractive
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The future, the present and the past walked into a bar. Things got a little tense.
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