Some race horses staying in a stable. One of them starts to boast about his track record. "In the last 15 races, I've won 8 of them!"
Another horse breaks in, "Well in the last 27 races, I've won 19!!"
"Oh that's good, but in the last 36 races, I've won 28!” says another, flicking his tail.
At this point, they notice that a greyhound dog has been sitting there listening. "I don't mean to boast," Says the greyhound, "but in my last 90 races, I've won 88 of them!"
The horses are clearly amazed. "Wow!" says one, after a hushed silence. "A talking dog."
A beautiful, well endowed, young blonde, goes to her local pet store in search of an exotic pet. As she looks about the store, she notices a box full of frogs. The sign says: Sеx Frogs! Only $20 each! Money Back Guarantee! (Comes with complete instructions). …
…
The girl thinks excitedly about that frog tongue flicking out and looks around to see if anybody’s watching her and whispers softly to the man behind the counter, “I’ll take one.”
The man packaged the frog and said, “Just follow the instructions carefully. Call me if you have any problems.”
The girl nods, grabs the box, and is quickly on her way home. As soon as she closes the door to her apartment, the girl takes out the instructions and reads them thoroughly, doing exactly what it says to do:
1. Take a shower.
2. Splash on some nice smelling perfume.
3. Slip into a very sеxy teddy.
4. Crawl into bed and position the frog in place.
She then quickly gets into bed with the frog and, to her surprise, nothing happens! The girl is totally frustrated and quite upset at this point. She re-reads the instructions and notices at the bottom of the paper it says, “If you have any problems or questions, please call the pet store.” So, the girl calls the pet store.
The man says, “I had some complaints earlier today. I’ll be right over.” Within five minutes, the man is ringing her doorbell. The girl welcomes him in and says, “See, I’ve done everything according to the instructions and the dамn thing just sits there.”
The man, looking very concerned, picks up the frog, stares directly into its eyes and sternly says:
“Listen to me, frog! I’m only going to show you how to do this one more time!”
Osama-bin-Laden had traveled into town after several weeks in the desert with his trusty camel. The camel had been his sole companion for years but eventually, time had slowed the poor beast down.
Laden was considering getting a new camel when he saw a sign outside of a store: WE MAKE YOUR CAMELS TRAVEL FASTER. GUARANTEED OR YOUR MONEY BACK!
He looks at his camel and decides to give it a shot. He goes in the store with his camel and the vendor asks him,” What can I do for you?”
“Well, friend” Laden replies, “I noticed your sign and I’m interested in your help. You see my camel’s been slowing down a bit and I don’t really want to trade him in for a new one.”
The vendor says, “That won’t be necessary here. We make your camels run faster. It’s guaranteed.”
“OK Let’s do it.”
The vendor says, “Please pull your camel over this way onto the platform.”
While Osama is steadying his camel onto the platform, the vendor disappears into another room and returns with two large bricks.
“Stand back,” he cautions Laden.
The vendor goes behind the camel with bricks in hand, and smashes the camel’s ваlls. The camel runs out of the place like a bat out of hеll.
“Wow!,” says Osama, “That’s the fastest I’ve seen him run in years! But how am I going to reach him now?”
The vendor says with a smile, “Please step onto the platform, sir.”