Once, a long, long time ago, in a small village just outside of some place you've never heard of, there was quite a stir amongst the villagers. The villagers, you see, wanted to schedule a race so that they could support their compulsive gambling habits, but could not find their two main contestants, the tortoise and the hare, and were forced to search for replacements. Nobody in the village was willing to race, because they all wanted to bet on it and get drunк during the race.
After many hours of searching, they found the best replacements they could, which happened to be a snail and a dung beetle. Neither of them wanted to race, but were forced to do so by the rest of the villagers. And so the race was scheduled for the next day. That night, snail and dung beetle went out to the bar in order to prepare themselves for their race. After many hours, and many exotic, alcohol-filled drinks, snail and dung beetle were prepared for their race, and went off to their separate houses in order to get some sleep before the big race.
The next morning, snail got up early and headed out to the racetrack, and dung beetle did the same. They stood ready at the start line and got prepared for the race. Soon, the shot was fired, and the race began. The dung beetle appropriately pooped himself. and the snail hid inside his shell. The villagers went to war.
Farmer Jones’ rooster died, and he went into town to buy a new one. When he got to the seed and feed store, he was told that they had sold out of roosters, and that he would have to wait for the next shipment. Farmer Jones told the salesman that he had a long way to travel, and that he needed a rooster bad, did he know where one could be had at this time? The salesman told him that actually, there was one rooster left in the back of the store that they had sold 10 times already, but that people had been bringing him back, and that the store was going to get rid of him in the morning.
Farmer Jones asked what the problem was, and the salesman told him that the rooster was a bit over sexed. Farmer Jones thought about it for a minute, and decided that there were enough hens around his farm to keep a rooster plenty busy, so asked what the rooster would cost. The salesman said that he could have him, that the rooster had caused so much trouble, that they were glad to be rid of him.
That night, Farmer Jones got home about bedtime, and let the new rooster out in the farmyard, and went to bed. There arose a din of noise such as Farmer Jones had never heard before, and he almost went out to see what was the problem, when he remembered what the salesman had told him about the rooster being oversexed, and he decided that the rooster would play himself out by morning…
The next morning, Farmer Jones awoke to total silence. He looked over at his wife, and saw her laying there sprawled out on the bed with her skirt hiked up, a blissful smile on her face. He next went to the window and looked out over the farmyard, and saw all the animals layed out on their backs, smiling blissfully. Concerned, Farmer Jones went out into the yard, and looked around. As far as the eye could see, there were farm animals sprawled out with this big smile on their faces, and he noticed that the bodies led off into the distance toward a hill. On top of this hill, he could make out the rooster, flat on his back with buzzards circling over head. The farmer made his way through the bodies, up to the hill, and stood over the rooster, and said, “Well old boy, ya done did yerself in.”
The rooster cocked an eye, and said in a whisper, “Shhhhh, they’re about to land!”
Some race horses staying in a stable. One of them starts to boast about his track record. "In the last 15 races, I've won 8 of them!"
Another horse breaks in, "Well in the last 27 races, I've won 19!!"
"Oh that's good, but in the last 36 races, I've won 28!” says another, flicking his tail.
At this point, they notice that a greyhound dog has been sitting there listening. "I don't mean to boast," Says the greyhound, "but in my last 90 races, I've won 88 of them!"
The horses are clearly amazed. "Wow!" says one, after a hushed silence. "A talking dog."