A teacher is explaining biology to her 4th grade students.
“Human beings are the only animals that stutter”, she says.
A little girl raises her hand. “I had a kitty-cat who stuttered”, she volunteered.
The teacher, knowing how precious some of these stories could become, asked the girl to describe the incident.
“Well”, she began, “I was in the back yard with my kitty and the Rottweiler that lives next door got a running start and before we knew it, he jumped over the fence into our yard!”
“That must’ve been scary”, said the teacher.
“It sure was”, said the little girl. “My kitty raised his back, went ‘Fffff, Fffff, Fffff’… And before he could say ‘fсuк’ , the Rottweiler ate him!”
A young polar bear asks his father, "Dad, am I 100% Polar Bear"
The father bear responds, "Well, son, I am all polar bear, your mother is all polar bear, your grandparents, even your great grandparents are 100% polar bear. So yes, son, you are 100% polar bear. Why do you ask?"
The young polar bear replies "Because I am really cold!"
A tourist walks into a pet shop in Silicon Valley, and is browsing around the cages on display. While he’s there, another customer walks in and says to the shopkeeper, ‘I’ll have a C monkey, please’.
The shopkeeper nods, goes over to a cage at the side of the shop and takes out a monkey. He fits a collar and leash and hands it to the customer, saying ‘That’ll be $5,000’. The customer pays and walks out with his monkey.
Startled, the tourist goes over to the shopkeeper and says, ‘That was a very expensive monkey-most of them are only a few hundred dollars. Why did it cost so much?’
‘Oh’, says the shopkeeper, ‘that monkey can program in C with very fast, tight code, no bugs, well worth the money.’
The tourist starts to look at the monkeys in the cage. He says to the shop keeper, ‘That one’s even more expensive, $10,000! What does it do?’
‘Oh’, says the shopkeeper, ‘that one’s a C++ monkey; it can manage object-oriented programming, Visual C++, even some Java, all the really useful stuff.’
The tourist looks round for a little longer and sees a third monkey in a cage on its own. The price tag round its neck says $50,000.
He gasps to the shop keeper, ‘That one costs more than all the others put together! What on earth does it do?’
‘Well,’ says the shopkeeper, ‘I don’t know if it actually does anything, but says it’s a Consultant.’
A man wanted to buy his son a parrot as a birthday present.
The next day he went to the pet shop and saw
Three identical parrots in a cage.
He asked the clerk, “how much for the parrot on the right?
The owner said it was $250.
“$250”, the man said. “Well what does he do?
“He knows how to use all of the functions of Microsoft Office 2000,
Responds the clerk. “He can do all of your spreadsheets and type all of
Your letters.”
The man then asked what the second parrot cost.
The clerk replied, $500, but he not only knows Office 2000, but is an
Expert computer programmer.
Finally, the man inquired about the cost of the last parrot.
The clerk replied, “$1,000.”
Curious as to how a bird can cost $1,000, the man asked what this bird’s
Specialty was.
The clerk replies, “Well to be honest I haven’t seen him do anything.
But the other two call him ” Team Leader “!!