Animal Jokes

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How do you make a horse laugh? Tell him your sсhlоng is вiggеr than his. How do you make a horse cry? Show him.

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What is out of bounds? An exhausted kangaroo.

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Eagles may soar, but weasels don't get suскеd into jet engines.

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A man knocks on a lady's door and said
'i'm terribly sorry miss but i ran over your cat,. because i'm responsible of its death i would like to replace your cat ' and the lady said ' thank You so how are you at you at catching mice then?'

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A giraffe walks into a bar, looks around, and says,
"Well guys, I guess the highballs are on me!"

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Why can't an emu fly? A: It never books a flight

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What does a Seiko watch and an elephant have in common? They both come in quarts!

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Fed up with failure in preventing coyotes from killing his sheep, a rancher brought out his rifle to eliminate the pack. Suddenly, a federal bureaucrat rushed up and breathlessly screamed, "Wait, there's no need to do that. We've developed a new drug that renders them impotent."
"I don't know what y`all do in Washington," drawled the rancher taking aim again, "but out here the coyotes eat the sheep."

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A horse goes into an Irish Pub and the bartender says,
"Hey buddy, why the long face?"

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Bob asked,
"What do you think who has the best eyesight?" Jim replied, "Birds have the best eyesight." Bob asked,
"Why?" Jim replied, "Because birds don't need to wear glasses."

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A man went to a restaurant, sat down, and there was a frog at the table. He asked him what he had to eat, and the frog replied, "Riblets."

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What do you call a ham you really want? Pork-you-pine!

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Why did the chicken cut his legs and wings of ? to make his dinner

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Animals are lucky, they fuск where they want with out going to jail.

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If all the characters from the Mickey Mouse show are talking animals, why is Pluto just a f*ckin' dog?

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If you were an animal you'd be a веаvеr, because DAM, you look nice today.

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I believe that the most popular name for a cat should be Waldo.
I mean, don't you eventually end up asking where your cat is every day?

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Me: What happened to you? You don't look so good.
Friend: I got stung by a brose.
Me: There's no b in rose.
Friend: There was in this one!

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