Animal Jokes

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Why is turtle wax so expensive? Because they have such small ears.

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There is a drunк guy in a bar and a big, fат woman with a parrot on her shoulder. She sits by the drunк guy and he looks over at her and says,
"Where'd you get that hog?" She looks at him and frowns. He takes a few more drinks, then he says,
"Where'd you get that hog?" She looks and says,
"I'll have you know, this is not a hog, this is a parrot!" The dude says,
"Well I'll have you know, I was talking to the hog."

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What do you call a deaf dog?
It doesn't matter; it can't hear you.

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What do you call a dinosaur that sits on nails? A. Megasaurus (mega sore аss).

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A giraffe walks into a bar and lies on the floor. The bartender says,
"Whats that a lyin' on the floor?" Another bargoer replies,
"It's not a lion, it's a giraffe!"

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Why did the mother cat move her kittens? She didn’t want to litter.

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I drove my sister's guinea pig to the vet this morning. My new golf clubs work great!

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A rabbit walks up to a bear that's sitting next to a tree. The bear asks the rabbit, "Excuse me, but do you have a problem with sh*t being on your fur?" The rabbit, thinking for a moment, replies,
"No, not at all." So the bear picks up the rabbit, and wipes his аss with him.

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What do you call a T-rex with a sombrero on? A tyranosaurus-mex.

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If I had a rooster and you had a donkey, and my rooster got his foot stuck in your donkeys вuтт, what would you have? Two feet of my c*ck in your аss.

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How do you make an elephant float? You put two scoops of elephant in a cup and add soda.

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How do you make a horse laugh? Tell him your sсhlоng is вiggеr than his. How do you make a horse cry? Show him.

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Eagles may soar, but weasels don't get suскеd into jet engines.

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Why, when the birds fly in the shape of a V, one line is shorter than the other? Because one line has more birds in it, duh.

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A man knocks on a lady's door and said
'i'm terribly sorry miss but i ran over your cat,. because i'm responsible of its death i would like to replace your cat ' and the lady said ' thank You so how are you at you at catching mice then?'

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A giraffe walks into a bar, looks around, and says,
"Well guys, I guess the highballs are on me!"

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Why can't an emu fly? A: It never books a flight

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What does a Seiko watch and an elephant have in common? They both come in quarts!

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