Animal Jokes

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Why, when the birds fly in the shape of a V, one line is shorter than the other? Because one line has more birds in it, duh.

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A man knocks on a lady's door and said
'i'm terribly sorry miss but i ran over your cat,. because i'm responsible of its death i would like to replace your cat ' and the lady said ' thank You so how are you at you at catching mice then?'

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A giraffe walks into a bar, looks around, and says,
"Well guys, I guess the highballs are on me!"

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What does a Seiko watch and an elephant have in common? They both come in quarts!

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Fed up with failure in preventing coyotes from killing his sheep, a rancher brought out his rifle to eliminate the pack. Suddenly, a federal bureaucrat rushed up and breathlessly screamed, "Wait, there's no need to do that. We've developed a new drug that renders them impotent."
"I don't know what y`all do in Washington," drawled the rancher taking aim again, "but out here the coyotes eat the sheep."

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A horse goes into an Irish Pub and the bartender says,
"Hey buddy, why the long face?"

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Bob asked,
"What do you think who has the best eyesight?" Jim replied, "Birds have the best eyesight." Bob asked,
"Why?" Jim replied, "Because birds don't need to wear glasses."

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A man went to a restaurant, sat down, and there was a frog at the table. He asked him what he had to eat, and the frog replied, "Riblets."

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What do you call a ham you really want? Pork-you-pine!

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A bear walks into a restaurant and say’s “I want a grilllllled………………………………………cheese.” The waiter says “Whats with the pause?”
The bear replies “Whaddya mean, I’M A BEAR.”

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Why did the chicken cut his legs and wings of ? to make his dinner

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Animals are lucky, they fuск where they want with out going to jail.

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If you were an animal you'd be a веаvеr, because DAM, you look nice today.

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I believe that the most popular name for a cat should be Waldo.
I mean, don't you eventually end up asking where your cat is every day?

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Me: What happened to you? You don't look so good.
Friend: I got stung by a brose.
Me: There's no b in rose.
Friend: There was in this one!

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If you think dogs can’t count, Put 3 biscuits in your pocket then give him only 2.

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I flew out here on Southwest Airlines. Southwest has a plane that's painted like Shamu the whale from Sea World. Yeah, that'll be easy to find if that went down in the ocean. That'll be nice, when you're trying to get out and a real whale's huмрing your window.

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Two men are walking in the desert. They come upon a hole in the ground. One man asks, "How deep is that hole?"
The other responds, "I don't know, throw something in it and see how long it takes to hit the bottom."
The other man turns around and finds an anvil. He tosses the anvil into the hole and two seconds later a goat flies by and jumps into the hole. Just then a rancher comes up and asks the men if they had seen his goat.
One man says,
"We just saw him jump into this hole!"
The Rancher replied, "That can't be, I had him tied to an anvil!"

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