Animal Jokes

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Life is like fighting a gorilla, you don't stop when you get tired, you stop when the gorilla does.

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What is the scariest type of dinosaur? A Terror-dactyle.

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One night a Deer, a Skunk and a Duck went out for dinner at a restaurant. When it came time to pay, the Skunk didn't have a scent, the Deer didn't have a buck, so they put it on the Duck's bill.

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Where do cows go to get some culture? A: The mooseum!

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Why is turtle wax so expensive? Because they have such small ears.

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There is a drunк guy in a bar and a big, fат woman with a parrot on her shoulder. She sits by the drunк guy and he looks over at her and says,
"Where'd you get that hog?" She looks at him and frowns. He takes a few more drinks, then he says,
"Where'd you get that hog?" She looks and says,
"I'll have you know, this is not a hog, this is a parrot!" The dude says,
"Well I'll have you know, I was talking to the hog."

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What do you call a deaf dog?
It doesn't matter; it can't hear you.

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A bat came to his friends wit blood over his face his he ask his friends do you want to now were I get al dis blood his friends says yes and he dit go show and the bat says with the blood over his face do you see dat tree there his friends says yes yes yes He says I didn't see it

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What do you call a dinosaur that sits on nails? A. Megasaurus (mega sore аss).

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A giraffe walks into a bar and lies on the floor. The bartender says,
"Whats that a lyin' on the floor?" Another bargoer replies,
"It's not a lion, it's a giraffe!"

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Why did the mother cat move her kittens? She didn’t want to litter.

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I drove my sister's guinea pig to the vet this morning. My new golf clubs work great!

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What do you call a T-rex with a sombrero on? A tyranosaurus-mex.

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If I had a rooster and you had a donkey, and my rooster got his foot stuck in your donkeys вuтт, what would you have? Two feet of my c*ck in your аss.

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How do you make an elephant float? You put two scoops of elephant in a cup and add soda.

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How do you make a horse laugh? Tell him your sсhlоng is вiggеr than his. How do you make a horse cry? Show him.

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What is out of bounds? An exhausted kangaroo.

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Eagles may soar, but weasels don't get suскеd into jet engines.

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