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Вицове за Животни English Tier-Witze, Tierwitze, Tier Wi... Chistes de animales про животных Blagues sur les animaux Barzellette Animali Ανέκδοτα με ζώα животни Hayvan Fıkraları, Hayvanlar Al... Анекдоти про Тварин, Анекдоти ... Piadas de Animais Dowcipy i kawały: Zwierzęta Djurvitsar, Djur-Skämt, Djur s... Dieren moppen, Dierenmop, Dier... Vitser om dyr Dyrevitser, Vitser om dyr Eläinvitsit Állatos viccek Bancuri Animale Anekdoty a vtipy o zvířátkách ... Anekdotai apie gyvūnus Anekdotes par dzīvniekiem Vicevi o životinjama
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Animal Jokes

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Two nuns from Ireland come to tour New York City. Before they come, they hear that Americans eat dogs, so they both agree to try it when they arrive. As they're walking around New York, they hear, "Hot Dogs! Get your hot dogs!" They rush over to get one! As the first nun opens hers, her face turns white and she gasps, "What part did you get?!"
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Where do cows go on friday night?
To the MOOOOOvies
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Where do sharks go on their holidays?
Finland.
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A woman answered the doorbell with a man standing on her porch. The man said,
"I'm terribly sorry. I just ran over your cat and I would like to replace it for you." The woman replied, "Well that's alright with me, but how are you at catching mice?"
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What do you call a man attacked by a cat?
Claude.
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What do you call a dog with metal ваlls and no hind legs?
Sparky.
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A blind man walks into a store with his seeing eye dog. All of a sudden, he picks up the leash and begins swinging the dog over his head. The manager runs up to the man and asks, "What are you doing?!!" The blind man replies,
"Just looking around."
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What does a pig put on its paper cut? A: Oinkment!
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Why are sharks mostly salt water creatures? Because pepper would make them sneeze.
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What did the farmer get when he crossed a centipede with a Turkey? 100 Drumsticks.
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What did Santa call his reindeer that couldn't fly? Dinner.
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Two caged circus lions break free and corner a clown in his dressing room. One lion says to the other, "Forget it, those things taste funny."
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A man walk into a bar and says,
"Give me something to drink just no vоdка." The bartender asks, "Why? That's your typical drink of choice." The man replies,
"Because last night I got drunк and blew Chunks." The bartender says,
"Well, it's normal to вlоw chunks if you drink too much. The man says,
"No, Chunks is my dog."
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What did the chicken say when it got to the library? "Book book book book book book book..."
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What do you call a duck that steals?
A Robber Duck.
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A мidgет with a lisp goes to a farmer to buy a horse. He looks over the horse to inspect it, and says to the farmer, "I'd like to sthee its teeth." So the farmer picks him up to give him a view of the teeth. Then, the мidgет says,
"I'd like to sthee its ears." Again, the farmer picks him up to view the horses ears. Then the мidgет says,
"I'd like to sthee its тwат."
"Excuse me?" says the farmer. The мidgет says,
"I'd like to sthee its тwат." So the farmer picks him up and shoves his head up the horse's тwат. The мidgет's legs are flailing violently, and he’s screaming in there, so the farmer pulls him out and puts him down. The мidgет looks at the farmer and says,
"I think I'll rephrase that, I'd like to sthee it run."
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A bear walks into a bar. He says,
"I'll have a gin... ... ... ... and tonic." The bartender says,
"Sure, but what about the big pause?" The bear says,
"I was born with them."
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What do you call a bear that is cold? A: A burr.
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