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Вицове за Животни English Tier-Witze, Tierwitze, Tier Wi... Chistes de animales про животных Blagues sur les animaux Barzellette Animali Ανέκδοτα με ζώα животни Hayvan Fıkraları, Hayvanlar Al... Анекдоти про Тварин, Анекдоти ... Piadas de Animais Dowcipy i kawały: Zwierzęta Djurvitsar, Djur-Skämt, Djur s... Dieren moppen, Dierenmop, Dier... Vitser om dyr Dyrevitser, Vitser om dyr Eläinvitsit Állatos viccek Bancuri Animale Anekdoty a vtipy o zvířátkách ... Anekdotai apie gyvūnus Anekdotes par dzīvniekiem Vicevi o životinjama
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Animal Jokes

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What happens when you cross a shark with a соw?
I don't know but I wouldn't milk it.
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A man goes to a sтriр club with an alligator. He says,
"I bet you that I can put my diск into this alligator's mouth for 1 minute, and when I take it out, it will not be damaged. If I succeed, all of you will buy me drinks. If I fail, I will buy all of you drinks." The other men agree and he puts his diск into the alligator's mouth for 1 minute. After 1 minute, he hits the alligator on the head with a вееr bottle, and he opens his mouth. To everyone's surprise, his diск is unharmed. "Now, before you buy me drinks, does anybody else want to try?" After a while, someone in the back finally raises their hand. It's a woman. "I guess I can try," she says,
"But you have to promise not to hit me on the head with a вееr bottle."
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Did you know that dolphins are so smart that within a few weeks of captivity, they can train people to stand on the edge of their pool and throw them fish?
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Just had a dangerous mole removed from the end of my реnis. Definitely won't be shаgging one of those again.
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What does a clam do on its birthday? A: Shellabrate!
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Two salesmen were going door to door, and knocked on the door of a woman who was not happy to see them. She told them in no uncertain terms that she did not want to hear their offer and slammed the door in their faces. To her surprise, however, the door did not close and, in fact, bounced back open. She tried again, really put her back into it, and slammed the door again with the same result - the door bounced back open. Convinced these rude salesmen were sticking their foot in the door, she reared back to give it a slam that would teach them a lesson, when one of the men said:
"Ma'am, before you do that again, you need to move your cat."
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A farmer and his brand new bride are riding home in a wagon pulled by a team of horses, when the older horse stumbles. The farmer says,
"That's once." A little further along, the horse stumbles again. The farmer says,
"That's twice." When the old horse stumbles again, the farmer quietly reaches under his seat, pulls out a shotgun, and shoots the horse. His brand new bride yells, "That was an awful thing to do!" The farmer says,
"That's once."
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Hickory Dickory Dock. Two mice ran up the clock. The clock struck one and the other got away with minor injuries.
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What do you call a T-Rex's bruise? A: A dino-sore.
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A man goes to a pet shop and buys a talking parrot. He takes the parrot home and tries to teach the parrot how to say a few things, but instead, the parrot just swears at him. After a few hours of trying to teach the bird, the man finally says,
"If you don't stop swearing, I'm going to put you in the freezer as punishment." The parrot continues, so finally the man puts the bird in the freezer. About an hour later, the parrot asks the man to please open the door. As the man takes the shivering bird out of the freezer, it says,
"I promise to never swear again. Just tell me what that turkey did!"
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What time is it when a elephant sits on a fence?
Time to fix the fence.
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What do bees comb their hair with?
A honey comb!
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What magazine does the big bad wolf read.
Porks Illustrated
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When Раddy's dog died, he took it to the local Catholic church. He asked the preacher if he could have a funeral service for his much loved pet, but the preacher explained that they didn't do services like that for animals. Раddy asked who would and the preacher suggested that the Baptist church up the road would probably give the dog a funeral service. Раddy asked,
"Preacher, do you think $5,000 would be enough payment for the dog's funeral?" The preacher relied, "Dearest Раddy, why didn't you tell me that your dog was a Catholic?"
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Unterschied Hund und Katze ΣΚΕΨΕΙΣ Σκέψεις κατοικίδιων Какво си мисли кучето: Кучето си мисли: " Ето моя собственик...Грижи се за мен Los perros piensan: "Los seres humanos son benévolos Le chien pense: Ils me nourrissent Ero kissan ja koiran välillä. - Koira ajattelee: Tuo ihminen hoitaa minnua Egy kutya gondolatai: - Itt lakom ezzel az emberrel Šuo: Jis mane maitina Пес: — Він мене годує Pes: „Pán mě krmí Hva er forskjellen på hunder og katter? Hunder tenker: - ”Mennesker er snille
What is the difference between a cat and a dog? Dogs think, "Humans are benevolent, they feed me and take care of me, so they must be Gods. Cats think, "Humans are benevolent, they feed me and take care of me, so I must be God."
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Why is a swordfish's nose 11 inches long?
Because if it were 12 inches long, it would be a foot!
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What says "Eoo?"
A соw with no lips.
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What do you do with a dog that doesn’t have any legs? You take him for a drag.
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