Animal Jokes

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A frog goes into a bank and hops up to a teller. He can see from her name plate that she is called Patricia Whack, so he says "Ms. Whack, I'd like to borrow $30,000, please."
The teller asks for his name and the frog replies that he is Kermit Jagger, son of Мiск Jagger, and a personal friend of the bank manager. Unconvinced, Ms. Whack explains she will need some identity and also some security against his loan. The frog produces a tiny pink porcelain elephant and hands it to her.
The confused teller says she will have to consult with her manager. "There's a frog called Kermit Jagger at the counter who wants to borrow $30,000," she tells her boss. "And what do you think this elephant is about?"
The manager looks back at her and says,
"It's a knick-knack, Patti Whack, give the frog a loan. His old man's a Rolling Stone."
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A lady awoke one morning and discovered her dog was not moving. She called her vet who asked her to bring the dog in. After a brief examination, the vet pronounced the dog dead.
"Are you sure?", the distraught woman asked. "He was a great family pet. Isn't there anything else you can do?"
The vet paused for a moment and said,
"There is one more thing we can do."
He left the room for a moment and came back carrying a large cage with a cat in it. The vet opened the cage door and the cat walked over to the dog.
The cat sniffed the dog from head to toe and walked back to the cage.
"Well, that confirms it." the vet announced. "Your dog is dead."
Satisfied that the vet had done everything he possibly could, the woman sighed, "How much do I owe you?"
"That will be $330." the vet replied.
"I don't believe it!", screamed the woman. "What did you do that cost $330????"
"Well", the vet replied, "it's $30 for the office visit and $300 for the cat scan."
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This guy walks into a bar with a pet rabbit. He put the rabbit on the bar and says “Let me have a scotch and give the rabbit a вееr.”
The bartender says “I can give you the scotch but I can’t serve the rabbit a drink, we don’t serve animals here.”
The guy says “You don’t understand, this is a special rabbit.”
The bartender says “What’s so special about it?”
The guy says “This rabbit gives the best вlоw job in the world, Why don’t you take it into the office and give it a try.”
The bartender takes the rabbit into the office and come out about a half hour later saying “I want this rabbit, it was the best” How much for the rabbit?
The guy says “It’s not for sale.”
The bartender says “I’ll give you $5000.
The guy says “No.”
The bartender go to the safe and pulls out another $5000. and says “Here’s $10,000.
The guy still says no!
The bartender passes the hat in the bar and comes up with another $5000. and says “This is all I got please sell me the rabbit.”
The guys finally agrees.
That night, the bartender takes the rabbit home after closing the bar, walking into the kitchen where his wife is, he shows her the rabbit.
She says “A rabbit, what am I suppose to do with a rabbit?
The bartender says “Teach it how to cook then get the fсuк out”
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