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Вицове за Животни English Tier-Witze, Tierwitze, Tier Wi... Chistes de animales про животных Blagues sur les animaux Barzellette Animali Ανέκδοτα με ζώα животни Hayvan Fıkraları, Hayvanlar Al... Анекдоти про Тварин, Анекдоти ... Piadas de Animais Dowcipy i kawały: Zwierzęta Djurvitsar, Djur-Skämt, Djur s... Dieren moppen, Dierenmop, Dier... Vitser om dyr Dyrevitser, Vitser om dyr Eläinvitsit Állatos viccek Bancuri Animale Anekdoty a vtipy o zvířátkách ... Anekdotai apie gyvūnus Anekdotes par dzīvniekiem Vicevi o životinjama
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Animal Jokes

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If a stork brings white babies, and a blackbird brings black babies, what bird brings NO babies? …
A Swallow.
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Q. Why did the skeleton run up the tree?
A. Because a dog was after his bones!
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What kind of medical help does a mermaid seek, a vet or a doctor?
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You can change a cat's litter box but you can't change its Purr-ceptions!
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Did you hear about the 6 Chinese sailors who were killed by a killer whale?
Apparently it was an orca-strated attack.
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Q. Why did the parrot die of starvation?
A. Because it couldn’t say I’m hungry.
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Harry arrived early for his date and he waited in the living room while she finished getting ready.
Her pup walked into the room with a ball. He tossed the ball and the pup fetched it.
He repeated the game a few times when the ball bounced too high and went out on to the patio of the 23 story building. The eager pup chased it as it bounced high against the wall and unfortunately went over the wall and down the 23 floors.
Shaken, Harry struggled with how he could possibly explain what happened to his date. When she entered the room, Harry said,
"Did you notice how depressed your pup seemed to be today?"
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Are you a cat because you're purrrrrrfect.
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Guy: what mouse walks on two legs?
Guy #2: IDK
Guy: mickey mouse, what duck walks on two legs?
Guy #2: donald duck!
Guy: all ducks dumbass
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Do you wanna play lion tamer? she asks:
"What is that?" you say: It's when you get on all fours and I put my head in your mouth.
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I feel like having a baby and having a dog are pretty much the same except for the part where your vаginа gets ruined.
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Two ducks are in a pond. One went “Quack quack!” and the other duck said, “That’s funny, I was just about to say that!”
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There was a man who visisted the zoo. There was also a kangaroo. The kangaroo had a joey (baby kangaroo) in it's pouch. The kangaroo looked into the man pants and said "Wow, your joey is so small."
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I just wrote an article about the love I always have for my horse. It's entitled, 'I'm Stable; You Live in One.'
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Two mice met in the early nineteen-sixties, when manned flights in orbit were as yet in the planning stage. After the usual exchange of pleasantries, one said, “But you look worn out, Michael. What’s the matter?”
Michael shrugged his little shoulders and said, “Life isn’t easy for us scientists, you know. I’m in space research, and those experimental flights in rockets, with the weightlessness and the acceleration and the uncertainty of safe return - Well, it’s hard on one’s nerves.”
“In that case,” said his friend, “why don’t you quit and take a job in some other line of work?”
“That’s easy to say,” said Michael, “but stop and think - Is a job in cancer research any better?”
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Me: How do you make an animal to talk to you?
Friend: How?
Me: I just did.
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I got one of those talking dog collars for my chihuahua who I named 'Ding-Bat'. The collar is supposed to tell you what the dog is trying to say.
Ding-Bat would just glare at me and say "merk, merk". I sent the malfunctioning collar back for repair. After two weeks it came back to me in the mail with a note. “Dear Sir, your dog’s collar is in perfect working order. The problem is your dog cannot pronounce his J’s.”
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Don’t you just hate it when insects make you late for work in the morning. I’m never gonna high-five a centipede again!
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