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Вицове за Животни English Tier-Witze, Tierwitze, Tier Wi... Chistes de animales про животных Blagues sur les animaux Barzellette Animali Ανέκδοτα με ζώα животни Hayvan Fıkraları, Hayvanlar Al... Анекдоти про Тварин, Анекдоти ... Piadas de Animais Dowcipy i kawały: Zwierzęta Djurvitsar, Djur-Skämt, Djur s... Dieren moppen, Dierenmop, Dier... Vitser om dyr Dyrevitser, Vitser om dyr Eläinvitsit Állatos viccek Bancuri Animale Anekdoty a vtipy o zvířátkách ... Anekdotai apie gyvūnus Anekdotes par dzīvniekiem Vicevi o životinjama
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Animal Jokes

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One day a man went to an auction. While there, he bid on a parrot. He really wanted this bird, so he got caught up in the bidding. He kept on bidding, but kept getting outbid, so he bid higher and higher and higher.
Finally, after he bid way more than he intended, he won the bid - the parrot was his at last!
As he was paying for the parrot, he said to the Auctioneer, “I sure hope this parrot can talk. I would hate to have paid this much for it, only to find out that he can’t talk!”
“Don’t worry.” said the Auctioneer, “He can talk. Who do you think kept bidding against you?”
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One day a man went to a pet store and bought a hundred-legged worm. The sales person told him about this worm. It was not a normal worm. This worm could do anything as a maid. When they were home, the man asked the worm to turn on the T. V. So the worm turned it on. Then he asked him to prepare him some coffee. So the worm did it. The man told him to go buy the newspaper. So the worm went out of the house to buy the newspaper. An hour passed and still the worm didn't come. Another hour passed and the worm had still not come back. So finally the man stood up and opened the front door.
"So, there you are," the man said looking at the worm, "have you bought the newspaper?"
"Sorry, sir," answered the worm, "I haven't finished putting on my shoes."
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A Zebra arrives on a farm. The first animal she meets is a соw. “Whats your job?” she asks. …
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“My job is to give milk,” the соw replies. …
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The next animal she meets is a chicken. “Whats your job,” she asks. …
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“My job is to lay eggs,” the chicken answers.
The third animal she meets is a stallion. “Whats your job?” she asks.
The stallion replies, “Just take off those silly striped pajamas and I’ll show you.”
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My cat went completely insane when I told him he was adopted.
I spelled it out with a laser pointer
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Could you imagine the wonderful, beautiful роор that this thing must take? That's why they beat their chest. I'd be beating my chest, too, if I had 60 pounds of сrар comin' out of me.
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Who cleans up after guide dogs?
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Why is it so hard to shoe flies?
Because their feet are so tiny.
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What do you call a dinosaur that turns small words into big words?
A Thesaurus!
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Dogs. Because when everyone looks at you like you're crazy, they look at you like you're amazing.
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They say dogs take on the personality of their owners which is вullshiт because all my dog does is lay around all day and touch himself.
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What button does a dog push on the DVD player?
The PAWS button!
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I'm relaxing on the beach, and all of a sudden, all these women start gathering around me. They got these big signs; they're going, 'Fur is мurdеr! Fur is мurdеr!' I said, 'Lady, that's my back. Now get off it.'
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A big bullfrog is in the middle of the swamp crying out his lament about being stuck so far from all the action.
Out of nowhere this fairy godmother appears and tells him he will have an encounter with a beautiful young woman in three years. The bullfrog asks this fairy godmother why it will take so long.
"The woman is only in eighth grade now, and will not be dissecting frogs in Biology until her Junior year."
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I’ve just found a box full of cricket ваlls.
And a bag full of grasshopper penises.
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Apparently the female spider devours the male minutes after mating. It takes female humans years to do that.
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I wear two pairs of pants when I go golfing. People always ask me why I do. I say, "I wear two pants when's I golf just in case I get a hole-in-one.
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Two cows are standing in a field, one says to the other: Did you hear about the outbreak of mad соw disease? Are you worried?
The other соw replies: Not at all, good thing i am a helicopter
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Girl, we can play zoo.. And you can tame my monkey
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