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Вицове за Животни English Tier-Witze, Tierwitze, Tier Wi... Chistes de animales про животных Blagues sur les animaux Barzellette Animali Ανέκδοτα με ζώα животни Hayvan Fıkraları, Hayvanlar Al... Анекдоти про Тварин, Анекдоти ... Piadas de Animais Dowcipy i kawały: Zwierzęta Djurvitsar, Djur-Skämt, Djur s... Dieren moppen, Dierenmop, Dier... Vitser om dyr Dyrevitser, Vitser om dyr Eläinvitsit Állatos viccek Bancuri Animale Anekdoty a vtipy o zvířátkách ... Anekdotai apie gyvūnus Anekdotes par dzīvniekiem Vicevi o životinjama
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Animal Jokes

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What steps should you take if you ever come across a dangerous animal in the wilderness?
Very large ones.
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There are two flies on the ceiling. One fly says to the other fly, "Don't look now, but your man's open!"
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One day a man went to an auction. While there, he bid on a parrot. He really wanted this bird, so he got caught up in the bidding. He kept on bidding, but kept getting outbid, so he bid higher and higher and higher.
Finally, after he bid way more than he intended, he won the bid - the parrot was his at last!
As he was paying for the parrot, he said to the Auctioneer, “I sure hope this parrot can talk. I would hate to have paid this much for it, only to find out that he can’t talk!”
“Don’t worry.” said the Auctioneer, “He can talk. Who do you think kept bidding against you?”
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A Zebra arrives on a farm. The first animal she meets is a соw. “Whats your job?” she asks. …
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“My job is to give milk,” the соw replies. …
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The next animal she meets is a chicken. “Whats your job,” she asks. …
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“My job is to lay eggs,” the chicken answers.
The third animal she meets is a stallion. “Whats your job?” she asks.
The stallion replies, “Just take off those silly striped pajamas and I’ll show you.”
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I love defenseless animals, especially in a good gravy.
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My cat went completely insane when I told him he was adopted.
I spelled it out with a laser pointer
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Could you imagine the wonderful, beautiful роор that this thing must take? That's why they beat their chest. I'd be beating my chest, too, if I had 60 pounds of сrар comin' out of me.
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Who cleans up after guide dogs?
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Why is it so hard to shoe flies?
Because their feet are so tiny.
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What do you call a dinosaur that turns small words into big words?
A Thesaurus!
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Dogs. Because when everyone looks at you like you're crazy, they look at you like you're amazing.
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They say dogs take on the personality of their owners which is вullshiт because all my dog does is lay around all day and touch himself.
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I'm relaxing on the beach, and all of a sudden, all these women start gathering around me. They got these big signs; they're going, 'Fur is мurdеr! Fur is мurdеr!' I said, 'Lady, that's my back. Now get off it.'
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Two goats wandered into the junkyard and had a field day. One of them spent a particularly long time веnт over a spool of film. When he was finished, the other goat came over.
“So, did you enjoy the film?”
The goat replied, “To tell you the truth, I liked the book better.”
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A big bullfrog is in the middle of the swamp crying out his lament about being stuck so far from all the action.
Out of nowhere this fairy godmother appears and tells him he will have an encounter with a beautiful young woman in three years. The bullfrog asks this fairy godmother why it will take so long.
"The woman is only in eighth grade now, and will not be dissecting frogs in Biology until her Junior year."
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I’ve just found a box full of cricket ваlls.
And a bag full of grasshopper penises.
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Apparently the female spider devours the male minutes after mating. It takes female humans years to do that.
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I wear two pairs of pants when I go golfing. People always ask me why I do. I say, "I wear two pants when's I golf just in case I get a hole-in-one.
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