Animal Jokes

Add a joke Newest jokes Most popular

I'm relaxing on the beach, and all of a sudden, all these women start gathering around me. They got these big signs; they're going, 'Fur is мurdеr! Fur is мurdеr!' I said, 'Lady, that's my back. Now get off it.'

0

0

Two goats wandered into the junkyard and had a field day. One of them spent a particularly long time веnт over a spool of film. When he was finished, the other goat came over.
“So, did you enjoy the film?”
The goat replied, “To tell you the truth, I liked the book better.”

0

0

A big bullfrog is in the middle of the swamp crying out his lament about being stuck so far from all the action.
Out of nowhere this fairy godmother appears and tells him he will have an encounter with a beautiful young woman in three years. The bullfrog asks this fairy godmother why it will take so long.
"The woman is only in eighth grade now, and will not be dissecting frogs in Biology until her Junior year."

0

0

Apparently the female spider devours the male minutes after mating. It takes female humans years to do that.

0

0

I wear two pairs of pants when I go golfing. People always ask me why I do. I say, "I wear two pants when's I golf just in case I get a hole-in-one.

0

0

Two cows are standing in a field, one says to the other: Did you hear about the outbreak of mad соw disease? Are you worried?
The other соw replies: Not at all, good thing i am a helicopter

0

0

Girl, we can play zoo.. And you can tame my monkey

0

0

A dog asks a cat “How come I’ve never seen you cats making love in public?”
The cat replies, “Do you want humans to steal our style like they did yours?”

0

0

An animal has three legs. Dance, said the lion.
I'll rаре you tonight, said the whale.

0

0

Poodle:
“My life is a mess. My owner is mean, my girlfriend is leaving me for a German shepherd, and I’m as nervous as a cat.”
Collie:
“Why don’t you go see a psychiatrist?”
Poodle:
“I can’t. I’m not allowed on the couch.”

0

0

A guy walks into a bar with his dog on a leash the barman says, “Geez that's a weird dog: he's stumpy-legged, pink, and doesn't have a tail, but I bet my rottweiler would beat the heck out of it.”
50 bucks is laid down. Out in the yard the rottweiler gets mauled to pieces.
Another drinker says his pit bull will win but the bet is 100 bucks.
Another trip to the yard and when it's all over there are bits of pit-bull terrier all over the place. The drinker pays up and says, “Say what breed is that anyway?”
The owner says, “Until I cut his tail off and painted it pink it was the same breed as every other alligator.”

0

0

What's the difference between Yo' Mama and a chicken?
A chicken lays eggs, and Yo' Mama lays everything else.

0

0

“Nice greyhound; fast as well. Have you considered racing him?” asked this bloke in the park.
“No, not really,” I replied. “I’m far too unfit and out of condition.”

0

0

Teacher:
"Who is a Coward?"..
Jeff:Any соw that is given an Award

0

0

Whats the hardest part when making skimmed milk?
Throwing the соw across the lake

0

0

What does a соw say when he remembers something?
“I have deja moo!”

0

0

Here’s a better version of a previous joke:
I would tell you a milk joke, but its whey too cheesy!

0

0

What instrument do a pair of sheep play, The two-baaaa

0

0